God has it all...

This morning, as I sat in the sanctuary, I had a bible in my hands and it fell open to Psalm 18.  (No, it wasn't my bible, so I can't say that my love of that Psalm helped it there....)  and this is what I read:

 

"He brought me out into a spacious place;

He rescued me because He delighted in me."  vs. 19

 

A spacious place... an open area, or a place of safety as one translation renders it....

 

And I felt that there this morning.  I knew that God has it all.  

 

I mean, we are selling our house so we can move to the farm. But first we have to paint, clean, empty out and do some repairs.  At the same time, still live there with 2 kids and 2 cats.  How in the world are we supposed to keep this little house clean enough to show it?

Yet.

God can see it.  He knows what we will do.  He knows our choices.  He knows the buyer.  He knows how He is going to use this house. He knows how He is going to use us in the lives of the buyers, in the lives of Dave's family.  He knows how it is all going to turn out....

 

... and suddenly I could breathe again...

 

He brought me out to a spacious place - (into a place of safety)

Why? 

Be cause He delights in me.

Period.

 

He delights in me.  In you. In everyone He created.  He rejoices over us with singing.

All these thoughts flooded me as I sat there in His presence in the sanctuary, my safe place.

I had peace.

 

 

It's so amazing, that peace that passes understanding.

I just look at where God has taken me, and though I am overwhelmed with the thought of prepping my house for painting with my dad, much less anything else, I know that God has taken me through so much worse.  

 

There was no way I could have persevered through what I did without Him pushing me all the way.  He was the one who placed that little bit of grit and determination in me to keep me going, even when the rest of me wanted to die, stop and forget, and give up.  

 

As Psalm 18 says in the New Living Translation:

 

"Lord, You have brought light to my life; my God, you light up my darkness.  In Your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall." vs. 28-29

 

The impossible things that we are up against, that seem like such a high wall to climb, they aren't impossible with God.

God has taken me into my promised land.  Once the Israelites were in their promised land, they had to fight for every square foot of it, even though it was theirs.  They had to take it from their enemies, even though it was theirs.

I have to take my promised land too. Its different, but the same.  I have to take the land that is mine, but not in my strength but God's.  Its with HIS strength that I can crush an army.  It is WITH my God I can scale any wall.

My wall and army is my house and the mountain of work there for me to do.  But my God's strength is more than enough.  

 

Without Him, I will not be able to scale the walls of my Jericho, but with Him, I won't have to even touch those walls. 

 

They'll just come tumbling down!

Advent of trust #9; Accepted

Last night at our home group we were talking about how we view ourselves in Christ is really affected by the lies we believe. We talked about joy, and what that is and where it comes from.

If we keep believing the lies that we are unloved by God, rejected by Him, we aren't going to know what true joy is because we won't see or believe that we are the apple of God's eye, that His face lights up with delight when He looks at us.

In Christ, I am completely accepted. I have been adopted as God's child. Not just that I have been accepted through a technicality and He has to accept me.... He has chosen me to be His own. I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. I am complete in Him... whole and holy. Christ's blood has covered everything. God sees me through that blood as completely white as snow.

I remember one of the things that I dealt with in counseling was a very intense self hatred, for a few specific incidences in my life. Ones that I felt I had participated in completely, and willingly at the time.

I hated myself for this, because though I was a Christian at the time, I still did something that was so reprehensible, I couldn't forgive myself. As Tricia (my counselor) and I worked through one specific instance that I found so horrendous, I was just shaking with self loathing. I was nearly sick to my stomach, because I could see it all again, experience it all again, in my mind's eye.

Then suddenly, I was still in that situation, but God gave me the image of me being covered by this waterfall, and I realized it was His blood. I stood under that waterfall of His blood, drenched from head to toe, worthy. Worthy because "Worthy is the Lamb who was slain" and it was His blood that covered me.

When we are able to break the lies (and we need to ask God to reveal them to us, and help us break them) with the Truth of who God says we are, then we can start living in freedom and joy. We need to cling to the truth in the face of those lies... with our heads, and then with our hearts.

As we do, we find ourselves living with a deeper sense of abiding joy. Even if we are overcome with grief, loneliness, hopeless despair, we have a route to return to joy from there. Our route is the truth that we have learned that counteracts the lies... no matter what we feel.

Finding God faithful to break the lies I have of not being accepted, or never being acceptable enough, finding the joy of living united with Him and one in spirit with Him (1 Cor. 6:17) has enabled me to trust Him.

I "lose" that trust from time to time. I revert back to believing the old lies from the past, the ones the enemy keeps bringing back up when there is a hole in my armor.

Yet, today I choose to look to the past to remind myself of the truth and the faithfulness that God has shown me. That I can trust. If He has been faithful in the past, He is faithful now, and He will be faithful in the future.

I renounce the lie that I am rejected, unloved, dirty or shameful because in Christ I am completely accepted.

I am complete in Christ. (Col. 2:10)

I will trust in Him at all times.


(some thoughts, and some direct quotes come from Neil T. Anderson, "The Steps to Freedom in Christ")

forever grateful....

You and I are alike in so many ways.
Yet, there are so many ways in which we are so unique.
That's what makes our friendship so exciting.
We get each other.
Understand each other.
We learn from each other, growing together.

God has orchestrated our meeting from eternity past.
God has knit our lives and hearts together in ways we don't even grasp.


We have walked through some pretty dark valleys together.

We have walked along some crazily steep paths together.

We have stood on the amazing mountain tops, gasping at the possibilities together.

You have upheld me, prayed for me, cried with me, danced on the streets with me, worshiped with me.

You have shared your life and heart with me. Opened your home as a haven to me. Talked with me for hours on the phone to help me through a horrible day. Known it was me calling, when I was crying too hard to even say hi. Laughed with me till we could hardly breathe, so hard we were in tears.... Stayed up late with me (even when you never, hardly ever, stay up late at all).

Slowly, as God has been growing me, I have felt like I should give something back...
As if I should repay...
But how can you repay something that was given freely?

Do you repay the gift of love, the gift of grace?

Can I repay God for His love, His grace?
Not really, that was a free gift.

Like your love to me.
Free and unrestrained.

So, I can't repay, but I can respond in kind.

I will share my life and my heart with you. I will open my home as a haven to you. I will stay on the phone with you for hours if you need me to help you through a horrible day. I will know it is you calling, even if you are crying too hard to say hi. I will laugh with you till I can hardly breathe, so hard I am in tears. I will stay up late with you (even if you never, hardly ever, stay up late at all).

I will uphold you.... using God's mighty Word.
I will pray for you.... and have been.
I will cry with you.... already have today.
I will dance on the streets with you.... as we see God answer prayers - even when it isn't the way we expect or might want.
I will worship with you.... worship our mighty King, who knows, so much more than we ever could, what is the best for us.

I will walk with you. I will ask the hard questions. I will listen to the hard questions you might have. I too, do not have all the answers, but I know the One who does.

He is the God of compassion, the God of all comfort.
He is Jehovah - Rapha, the God who heals.
He is our provider, our helper, our protector, our shield and shelter.

He is the One who has moved mountains.

He moved incredible mountains in my life.
He still is.

He can move this one too, for you.

When you hurt, I hurt...
But even more than that....

He hurts too. Jesus weeps with us. He sees every tear that falls. He hears us when we call, even when it doesn't seem like it.

He answered my pleas from years ago... prayers I prayed for 10 years....

God has orchestrated our meeting from eternity past.
God has knit our lives and hearts together in ways we don't even grasp.

I am forever grateful that He answered my prayers.

That He answered them with you.


Update:
Win a free copy of Scot McKnight's book, "The Real Mary: Why Evangelical Christians Can Embrace the Mother of Jesus." Interested? See L. L. Barkat's post, "Did I Really Pray That?"

HE heals and HE promises... She Speaks Part 4

My breath caught in my throat, fresh sobs welled up as I found my name, and read the name of God by which it was so lovingly placed...

Jehovah-Rapha
The God Who Heals.

My thoughts raced back through the past few years. I remembered God has done some amazing healing in my life.

I cried tears of thankfulness for all that He had done, but I have to admit that for a moment, I almost felt disappointed. I saw the significance for my past in that, but what it meant for right now didn't sink in right away....

....I don't know why it didn't, I guess I am a slow learner....

I wrote down the scripture references on the back of my She Speaks book they gave us and went back to the chair where I had left my things.

I sat down and soaked in the peace in that room. I started thinking about heading back to my room to rest.

Then it hit me.

Yeah, I know you were probably already thinking this by now.... I said, sometimes I am a really slow learner!!!!

The God who heals.

The God who HEALS!!!

Here I was feeling so sick, anxious, exhausted, and just plain icky. I was getting more and more depressed and questioning why I was here...

...when God reminded me that He is the God who heals.

It wasn't that I felt immediate healing then. I didn't. It was a promise.

He has healed in the past.
I cried out in desperation to Him.
Why wouldn't He answer me now?

He knew better than I, what I was going to be needing that night, and the rest of the weekend. He knew that all I wanted to do was hide and not interact with anyone else for the rest of conference. But He also knew what He had planned for me.

I needed Him. More than anything, I needed Him. I needed a promise that He would be with me, that He would strengthen me, that He would enable me.

I got it in His name.

Jehovah-Rapha.

That flash back that I had, of the past years of healing. I don't think I consciously thought of it then, but now looking back at that night, I think it was planted then. It was a reminder to me of all He had done.

He had been with me.
He had strengthened me.
He had enabled me.

If He did it in the past, why wouldn't He now?

I sank back into that chair, crying, still feeling sick and tired. Begging God to make me feel better so I could get through the night. I picked up a slip of paper to write a prayer request, and as I tried to write, explain where I was at, what was going on, and ask for prayer... I could barely see for the tears.

I signed the prayer request, dropped it in the waiting bowl, and leaned back in the chair.

I wanted to pray, but couldn't seem to get two thoughts together coherently. I cleaned myself up a bit, and someone else walked into the prayer room and sat with her back to me on the other side of the room. I sat for a few more moments, but now was distracted and self-conscious again, so got up and left the room.

I cleaned myself up better in the nearby bathroom.

I realized that the dinner was just letting out so everyone could go to their break out sessions. At this point, I still was planning on heading to the room to rest. However, I had to walk past the room where my break out session was going to be held. As I started to walk by, I saw that the room was just starting to fill up with people.

I saw the speaker standing, getting ready.
I also saw there was a chair, at the end of a table, right near the door.

It was like I was drawn to that room by a magnet. I told myself I would sit for a little bit, and if I felt worse, I would be able to slip out. I sat down.

Shortly after that, the only other person from my church who came to She Speaks, came up behind me. Dawn and I only found out the other was going for sure, about 6 weeks before the conference. I had talked to her about it in January, and then forgotten. I signed up, then she did too, and we didn't mention it to each other again, until a mutual friend told me that she was going.

Dawn offered a seat near her. I told her what was going on, and that I wanted to be near the door in case I felt worse. She said ok, and then asked if she could pray for me.

She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and prayed right then and there. Needless to say, the tears started flowing again. I couldn't stop them, and by then, I didn't even try. When she was done praying she gave me a hug, and made her way back to her seat.

I sat back down as our speaker was introduced. I knew her, though we had never met...

Micca Campbell.

I had worked through her book, "An Untroubled Heart" this past year in a blog book study. I knew her story, and felt like I knew her heart.

Her session was titled, "Fear Not."

Hmm. You think that God wanted me there???

The verse she spoke on was from Isaiah 41:9-10

"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant;' I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
(emphasis mine)

Did you see the bold words there? Do you remember how I said that I needed to see a promise that He would be with me, that He would strengthen me, that He would enable me?

Several of the things that Micca said that stood out to me was that it is so easy to focus on our own weaknesses, but if we ask God, He will strengthen us and help us. She said to quit thinking about what I can't do, but think about what HE CAN do.

I don't think I need to say anything other than that. How to I expound on that? God drew me into that room, and didn't let me get up through the whole talk. At the end Micca said something, and I don't know if this is a direct quote or not, but this is what I was prompted to write down.

After she expounded on the point of "I will uphold you." I wrote this:

"I can DARE TO DREAM because He is with me, and He is for me."

That session strengthened me to go on through the night. It was like God was speaking directly to my heart. In that session, He WAS Jehovah-Rapha. He brought healing to my fears, strength to my body, and confirmation to my spirit that He had called me here. It wasn't some imagining of my own that got me here. He brought me, drew me, provided for me to get to Charlotte, NC.

I felt the sickness in my stomach subside some. I was still shaky, but it wasn't the "I'm gonna fall over dead if I don't sleep," shaking anymore.

Looking back at it now, I can see that God was working in me to heal me. He was saving me from the sticky fingers of cold fear wrapping around my heart. That coldness of fear that would have kept me from learning and growing, and pressing ahead through the weekend. God took my heart in His hands once again, and breathed His Spirit through my heart, making it living flesh.

I was still scared.
But I left that meeting room resolved to go and face my fears.

I walked towards the elevator (did I mention I HATE elevators?!) and rode up to the 11th floor, to meet my speaker evaluation group, and our group leader, Amy Carroll.

I headed towards Amy's room, hearing voices and laughter floating down the hall towards me. My steps quickened without my realization, as I came closer to where I knew God had placed me for that weekend...

(to be continued)

"Self talk, Soul talk," Chap. 10; Press On...

If you want to read any other posts about our chapter, visit Lelia and check them out.

I recently have been writing on and off about how tired I have been and how much I feel like giving up. Those feelings have lessened somewhat since I spent time a week ago with God and just allowed Him to fill me up. They have come back from time to time, depending on what I have been doing, and how tired I have gotten. If I have stressed myself out, emotionally/spiritually fatiguing myself, I have, of course gotten more tired, and felt like giving up.

I tried to remember our last chapter in our book, “Self Talk, Soul Talk,” and speak rest to my soul, which worked pretty well.

For my LPM Scripture Memory verse for March 1, I picked from Hebrews.

“Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.” Hebrews 10:35-36; 39

I was given much encouragement from my friend, Cindy, to keep on going. To keep doing the next right thing. To keep taking the next step.

Then I read this chapter. Again, like last week, I just about fell over in shock!

God must really like to do this to me, to many of us, hey?!

All week I have been getting the input from almost every source to persevere. My pastor’s sermon, Cindy, this book, the scripture verse God led me to… everything pointed to needing to persevere.

I guess I need to pay attention!

I can totally identify with Jennifer when she said,
“Running the race makes us weary, and sometimes we want to just sit it out for a while.”

Another section of the chapter that I could practically re-write here is the section she titled, “Affirm Your True Identity.”

One of the biggest things I have learned these past few years is who I am in Christ. I mean, before I knew I was God’s child, but really didn’t know what that meant. I think I am starting to get it now… at least, a little bit better grasp, though I don’t always remember. I tend to act out of my feelings rather than my identity, which is just what Jennifer was talking about here.

No matter what I feel, it is who I am that is important, and more than that, WHOSE I am.

“Don’t let feelings define you; let who you are define your feelings…. Don’t let the struggle define you; use your true identity to properly define your struggle.”

As I have walked step by step through this week, I suppose I have done just that.

I have felt depressed and insignificant and incompetent. I have struggled with weakness and tiredness and anxiety. I had to lead worship rehearsal on Wednesday night, and then, I had to lead the worship team, and worship in front of the whole church on Sunday.

I was at church an hour early or so for rehearsal on Wednesday. I worked on the music, prayed through it, and when the team came, though I was feeling overly anxious, I hid it and pushed myself out of my comfort zone to get through the rehearsal.

I came home absolutely exhausted. And the next day felt like giving up and throwing in the towel and just sitting still and doing absolutely nothing.

I got through the weekend, only because I had a lot of things going on over the weekend, and some things to process through.

Then came Sunday.

I got to church and was able to pray over the service, music, the building itself, and we did our run-through rehearsal. After the rehearsal was done, I sat down with Cindy to wait for the service to start (we were singing together on the team). I sat there for a few minutes and wanted to curl up under the chairs in front of me. I looked over at her, and she had her bible open to Ephesians 6, the armor of God verses; she was praying through them. I leaned over and told her I thought I was going to be sick I was so anxious. I think right then and there she started to pray for both of us.

I took a page from her book, opened my bible and prayed… I worked my way through my memory verses, also Romans 8, the part about nothing can separate us from the love of God… and just tried to spend the time committing the service, and myself to God, asking Him to speak His words through me. I started to feel His peace before we had to get up and sing.

Once I got up to sing, I was ok. Not great, but ok. I eventually was able to relax enough that I was able to truly worship and feel a bit of connection with God.

Just leaving the seats to get up there was the next step I had to take, because doing the whole service seemed beyond me at the time. I just took each section of the service, a step at a time.

I kept feeling like I was incompetent for the tasks set out before me. I kept feeling like I was a failure and I should give up. I kept feeling so depressed and anxious that I thought I shouldn’t even be attempting to lead the worship team, much less leading the church in worship.

BUT.

I know who I am. I am a daughter of the King. I am adopted by God. I am loved by Him. I am accepted by Him. I am loved by Him. I am blessed by Him. I am redeemed by Him.

I don’t know that I specifically thought of those things either.

I just did the next thing I was expected to do.

It isn’t going to be easy.
It isn’t going to be fun.
At least not all the time.

But looking back, I can see how faithful God was to get me through the weekend. He gave me strength when I didn’t have it. He gave me words when I didn’t have any. He gave me strength when I was weak. He helped me keep going when I really didn’t want to. He showed me when to draw back and rest, and when not to draw back but reach out to others and ask for prayer.

My God is everything for me. My God is everything TO me. He is my all… He is more than enough for me.

Though I stayed up late last night, He has sustained me through this day. He helped me do what I needed to, and helped me hold onto Him. He filled in where I felt weak.

This is going to be a week or so of really learning what it means to persevere. I think I have slowly been learning that, but for some reason, I feel like I have entered the “perseverance boot camp.”

Anyone else with me?

“Sometimes rest is more important that revving up, and sometimes pressing on is more important that pulling back.”

I am praying that God shows me when it is time to rest, and when it is time to press on… press on with His strength running through me, through my weakness… so that His glory is shown to all.

Peace in trouble...

Something that really spoke to me today in church… coming out of our pastor’s sermon…

John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

1Pe 4:12-13 “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."

What better encouragement than the word of God. I am clinging to these verses. I don’t know if depression will ever cease for me. But Jesus told us about Himself, His Father, and His promises so that we would have peace in knowing that though we have troubles here, we are in Christ, and He has overcome the world… we can live in that authority and victory everyday… no matter our feelings.

I may suffer the painful trial of depression all my life. But I shouldn’t consider that strange, because Christ suffered. I can rejoice that I am participating in His sufferings, because that means that I am walking with Him. And OH when His glory is revealed… think of the joy on that day when He wipes away all our tears!

There is so much more that I could share here… but let these verses soak into you and see what God speaks to you through them.

"Self talk, Soul Talk," Chap. 8; Look back...

Yesterday as I sat down to read this weeks chapter, I had no idea what I was getting into.
If you want to see how others responded to this chapter, pop on over to Lelia’s site and check out the links from there!

Each week, Jennifer has sent me on different paths, all of them being very important as I have finished my counseling and have been adjusting to needing to catch myself in the things that normally my counselor would have talked over with me.

This week talked about something that I have realized before. Something that I think is what my blog has, in part, become about.

Jennifer talked about how it is so important to look back to memories in our life and see how God has worked through them and in them. And how He has redeemed them.

“Reviewing our milestones gives us a chance to mark progress and keep on the right path. It affords an opportunity to remember.”

“The real power of any moment is fully realized when it is remembered. The experience might have been painful or pleasant, but its intensity and meaning grow when we remember and reflect upon it, when we place it alongside those milestone moments we’ve stowed away in our thought closets.”

When I was in counseling, it was a lot of time reviewing painful memories. Some of them horrific as Jennifer mentioned. Those memories were just horrible. Some of them so bad that I had blocked the worst of them out.

But, as we worked through them, a little at a time, God started re-defining them, re-labeling them. He helped me work through them, processing the memories so that I could come to terms with them, and helping me get to the point where I could see how He was working through them.

The painful memories are still that. Painful. However, I do know that God will work them together for good.

“He can make even painful memories profitable as He gives meaning to them.”

It has also been good to look back at the good memories too. The wonderful, amazing things that God has done in my life, the times of celebration, the times of joy I have experienced. Those things have become more and more precious to me as I have looked back at them. In that, Jennifer is right. When we look back at our experiences, they have purpose and value and they are part of our stories.

Our souls do need to look back and not forget what has happened in the past… not only to not forget what has made us who we are, but to remember what God has done through those experiences. How He has proven so faithful.

One of the biggest things for me that I never want to forget is one of the most significant ways God showed me how He was healing me, in the midst of my counseling.

He took something that was in my mind’s eye, a big black box that I was afraid to open. God took it and made it into a white box that wasn’t too hard for me to open. I was sitting in Jesus’ lap, and He took bits of my heart out of that box, and slowly was healing them together. I was held securely in His lap as He picked each piece out and healed it back into my heart… and then He leaned over and blew the breath of His Spirit into my heart, turning from fragile and breakable, to a living heart of flesh.

There is so much more to the image, but you can read more about that HERE.

Ever since then, I have looked back fairly regularly to that post, and to my journaling from that time.

Both have served as great reminders of what God has done. How He has redeemed my past, how He has himself restored me, and made me strong, firm, and steadfast.

This blog has definitely been a way to mark the milestones in my life, and I am so glad that you are going on the journey with me, and that you can see and celebrate the milestones with me!

Themes... re-occurring.. again, and again...

Well, here we go again!

God seems to be pulling things together to get my attention.

I don’t know what for, but He has my attention.
He really got it today with back to back things.

Through this past week’s sermon He really caught my attention, making me aware of some of my fears that might hold me back from Him. He showed me that He is truly glorified and shown beautiful when we are in the midst of suffering, and we still choose to praise Him and say out loud and in our hearts, that HE IS ENOUGH. HE IS SUFFICIENT.

So that was the start of me working through some things this week.

All throughout this week, God has been giving me scriptures at just the right time. Just as I needed it, I would remember scripture, or read something that I needed to keep me focused on Jesus and not my fears.

Today I was given some more realizations in two devotionals that I did.

The first one was by Beth Moore. A devotional based on the life of John. She talked about how John was with Jesus in the best and worst situations. From a human point of view. Yet when human reasoning would be screaming to run away, John went into the inner courts to be near Jesus. He stood at the foot of the cross as Jesus died. He clung, even when it made no sense.

My prayer when I was done with that devotional, was that I want to be able to live a life of someone who clings to God even when it doesn’t make sense in the world’s eyes. I want to cling to Jesus. In the best of times, and in the times when all my humanness screams to run away, and stop trusting, because it will never work out.

Clinging to Him.

Then I got the Proverbs 31 devotional for today. The author basically talked about what her 2 biggest fears were. And how she prayed they would never happen. Then she found herself living in the very middle of them.

She said,
“Not only is He near us, He is working things out, growing our faith and our character as we wrestle with our fears and learn to accept His will. While we can’t understand why He allows our fears to materialize, we later realize that we have come to know Him in a whole new way through them. He is our reward for persevering.”

Talk about hitting the nail on the head! Talk about pounding the point home!

OK, God, I get it.

Well, so I don’t really get it yet, but He has my attention for sure.

I don’t know whether He is reminding me of these things now because I have come through so much. He is reminding me that I landed in most of my worst fears, and yet He was there through it all. Maybe He is trying to get me to focus on not the pain from the past, but how He brought me out of it. How I have grown through and because of it.

Maybe He is reminding me of these things because of the struggles I am in now. He wants to remind me to continue to focus on Him despite the enemy’s attacks and lies and fears that are assailing me. Maybe He is bringing these things up to help me persevere through the present trials.

Then He could me trying to teach me things to give me a hand hold for the future. He may be working on teaching me things so that I will be better equipped to deal with the fears and trials down the road.

It probably is a combination of all three.

After today, that pattern is unmistakable. Whatever the reason, if I ever know or not, I don’t suppose it really matters. It doesn’t really matter. Because God is more interested in growing me, and growing you, than giving us the answers our human understanding wants to know.

He wants us to, in all circumstances, praise Him.
He wants us to, in all circumstances, glorify Him.
He wants us to, in all circumstances, honor Him.
He wants us to, in all circumstances, love Him.
He wants us to, in all circumstances…

Cling to HIM.
NOTHING else.
NO ONE else.
Just HIM.
Because.
HE IS ENOUGH.

Here is a short video that our pastor shared at the beginning of last week’s sermon. I pray that it touches you as much as it did me.



Did you catch that?

“God is most glorified in you, when you are the most satisfied in Him, in the midst of loss, not prosperity.”

That’s what I want. In the midst of loss, in the midst of suffering. I want God to be glorified, because I am satisfied in HIM not in anything else… only HIM.

Jesus is planting that desire in my heart. I am fearful that He will have me live it out. But at the same time, if He does, He is still enough. I want to glorify Him with my life. I want to show others around me that no matter what, God is enough.

I want to share my story of what I have come through with others, not to magnify me… but to magnify and glorify and honor God. Because HE brought me out of the darkness and into His wonderful light.

I tell you, there is nothing better than seeing the light of day, than feeling the fresh air on my face, than rejoicing in freedom… except for knowing that it was God who got me there.
No one else. Not my doctors, not my family or friends, not my counselor, not my own strength and perseverance.

God used all those things as tools.
But God was the one who got me there.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him all creatures here below!
Praise Him above ye heavenly host!
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost!
AMEN!!!

Resolutions after all...

I have realized yet again, we have way too much stuff for this tiny space we live in. We have a 2 bedroom house, with 2 kids and 2 cats. What with our stuff too, and trying to get the kids to fit into one room together… yeah, it gets crowded and hard to find places to put things.

I am just trying to clean up or get rid of the “crud.”

Dave and I don’t have enough dresser/closet space for our clothes. So our things stack up on dresser tops and shelves.

The kids aren’t much better… but at least I keep relatively on top of their room, just because they have 2 beds in there, 2 dressers… and it pretty much takes up all the available space.

But by the time I am done keeping up (or catching up) in their room, I am too tired out to tackle our room! It usually ends up that the things that we don’t know what to do with either land on the kitchen table, or on my dresser. I can only see half my mirror. Not so good!

So, as usually happens, our house feels like it is ripping at the seams after Christmas and I don’t know how or what to do with all the stuff that needs a home! I get overwhelmed.

I am also trying cut down on the “crud” in my personal walk with God.

I feel like I got sloppy at the end of this year. Even though I did well with ending my counseling, I feel like I could really just slip back into my “normal” way of living and thinking. I feel like it would be easy to start to coast.

I know that God is doing something, and asking me to wait. I know that this isn’t “a sit and do nothing” wait, but waiting expectantly. Working towards whatever God is doing
Just like someone who is shot down in enemy territory. I have to be like that person… waiting for pick up, but actively moving towards the extraction point. I have to be working to avoid/fight the enemy, and get through the obstacles and deal with anything that comes my way, or gets in my way at getting closer to that point. In the meantime, the Person working to pull me out, and get me on to a greater mission is moving heaven and earth for me, and is prepared to pull me out when I am in position.

God is doing things that I can’t see. I may find there are things to go through I may not like. I may find many obstacles in my path. But God is working things out to strengthen me and prepare me for what He has in store. He has allowed so many things into my life in the past. I don’t understand it, I don’t like it. It hurt. It has made me angry.

But.

God has used those things to tenderize my heart.
As I have healed, my heart has become softer.

I used to hear stories of people who were hurt and suffered. I felt bad for them. I was sorry in a general sense. But as I healed; as God healed me; I knew deeper in my heart the pain that other women felt. I am able to feel the hurt that I endured (on a conscious level now), and that made me realize more deeply the hurt other women must be in. My heart wants more than saying “I’m sorry” but wants to do something.

As my friend says…
I don’t know what.
I don’t know how.
But I do know Who.

He will coordinate it all. He has control of it all.

He loves us all, and will do everything to heal us and draw us closer to Him and to advance His kingdom.

I want to be a part of it, in a way that I never have before.

So, I am working on trying to do a few more things this year that are going to prepare me.
One of them is I have joined in with Beth Moore through her blog to memorize scripture over this year. It sounds big, but she has made it doable. On the 1st and 15th of the month we are going to comment to a post she puts up, signing in with the scripture we are going to memorize/meditate on for the next 15 days. By the end of it we should have 24 scriptures memorized.

I am also committing to not turning on my computer in the morning until I have spent time with God. Even if it is stolen time in the bathroom, for a few minutes of prayer in the morning, I want to commit my day to Him first. My computer and blog can be very distracting.

I am going to try to take 2 hours each week for concentrated time with God. The problem with that is, if I am at home, I get too distracted. So I have to get away.

I am going to go to Beatitudes, the coffee shop in town.
My favorite hangout.

(I know, it doesn’t seem like a hard thing, but it really is, to really carve that time out.)
The problem is I can’t spend a lot of money there. I don’t have an excuse of going there to prepare for my counseling session. I either need Dave to take the kids for me for a couple of hours a week, or I need to be able to have Peter in school, and head there for a little bit with Marina if Dave isn’t home. I found when I was last there with her, she did a really good job of playing so I could read scripture and journal some. I couldn’t do as much as if I were alone, but it worked.

Memorizing scripture (with some accountability)
Starting the day with God, not my computer.
Getting away with God for a couple of solid hours a week (more if I can get them)
Continuing to do a bible study/book study/blog study.

Hopefully that will keep me in tune with God enough that I will be aware when more “closets” need cleaning out!

I guess I ended up with some New Year’s resolutions after all. I didn’t intend to make them at all, but I think these were ones that God gave to me and wants me to follow through on more completely this year. I started a few of them last year, but not always consistently. So, here I go!

Are there any things that you feel God is impressing on you to continue towards, or start, for this year?

(I don’t like new year’s resolutions, because you usually resolve not to stop them, and invariably you do… but when God presses something into your heart, you tend to take it more seriously than if it is something you thought up!!!)

I know that God has great plans.
I know He is in the job of transforming people.
I know because I have been on the receiving end of some of those things.

I pray that you will find yourself on the receiving end of His great plans, and transforming power this year.