Making everything new...

Today I looked outside and was met with a rainy Sunday morning as I got ready for church. While getting ready, I heard thunder. Then there was the bits of ice hitting the window and the hint that it had snowed out a bit too.

My husband came home from his third shift and warned me to take it easy on the way home. The further north, the worse the roads were. (He had come from work, which is north of us by only about 20 minutes - there was that much difference in the temperatures and precipitation type)

It's still cold and grey, windy and misty out, even now.

Our pastor reminded us this morning that though everything looks dead, dormant and we keep thinking that spring will never come, every single year it does.

Spring is such a reminder that God brings new life to what seems dead.

Revelations 21:5 says that God is making everything new, and that His words are trustworthy and true.

Did you hear that?

Everything.
Not just some things, some plants, some trees, some people, some situations.
Everything.

New life, new sight, new hearing, new flesh, new hope.

God has so much in store for us in the new life He offers. He has so much in store for me in the new life He offers to me.

My heart was just overflowing this morning with gratitude as we gathered together in the prayer meeting before the service. We only had about 40 minutes, but the time just seemed to fly by. I was truly able to enter into His presence and praise Him, confess and seek forgiveness for my sins, and pray for others in a way that I am not always able to do in group prayer times.

Pastor Kim shared today the differences between the Old Covenant that God made with Israel, and the New Covenant He has made with us. He had three different points, but one really jumped out at me.

The Old Covenant brought feelings of condemnation, while the New brings feelings of commendation.

The Old showed how we constantly fail at keeping God's laws and commands. the New gives us the internal power (by the Holy Spirit dwelling in us) to do what is right.

What really struck me about that was God shows us what to do and then empowers us to do it.

How many times have I gotten stuck? I hear and feel God impressing on me something He wants me to do or say. He speaks directly into my heart. Through His word, or through someone else or a bible study I am doing, He asks me to do something, or to give something up. And that's where I get stuck, because I feel like it is completely impossible. There is no way that I can do it, not a single chance that I could ever do or not do whatever it is.

and I can't.
Not in my own power.

But. God.

I love those words! How many times in the bible have those words come together just before God does something amazing, or gives an incredible promise?

God gives me the power to actually do or not do what He wants me to. I have to accept His help. I have to do my part and determine to do what is right, make the right choices, take captive my thoughts, stand firm against the enemy, filter my emotions through the truth of God's Word. Without His Spirit in me, I wouldn't be able to do any of those things effectively in my own power. I wouldn't be able to make those choices without His power in me, working to help me.

How many times do we find people walking through life, but not really living it the way God created?

And I'm not talking about non-believers here.
I am talking about us.
The church.
The Body of Christ.
The very people that God has given up His Son for, and given His Spirit to!!!!

How many times, how long have I walked through this life of mine, without really living? God has given NEW life, hope, peace, power, joy. New ears to hear His truth, new eyes to see Him working, new flesh to walk purely.

We have such power if we choose to tap into it. God has given us so much more than "just" salvation. We have so much more than a ticket to heaven!

With that new life, I have a new hope to which God has called me. Imagine that! We are called to HOPE! I have a glorious inheritance. Not just in heaven, but here on this earth God has given me, given all of us a Promised Land to live in - one flowing with milk and honey - abundance in ways we can't ever imagine.


Here is where I am going with this. We have incomparably great power that is ours if we believe. Not just believe in Him, but really believe Him.

That is the power I was talking about earlier. Power to do what God is asking of us. His power that raised Christ from the dead is at our disposal if we only knew how to use it. We don't have to walk about in defeat. We are free! Can't we start living like it? can't we start stepping out in the little things to see what God can do?

He is willing to start small with us, as long as we are willing to trust Him. As I have become more willing to believe my Father, as I have CHOSEN to believe Him, He has taken me a step at a time.

I've felt like I have been saying, "Ok, I thought I heard You say to test out the ground here and see if it is dry enough for me to walk on..." And so I take a step. Then there is another one, and another one. He keeps asking me, "Are you going to believe Me here too? Are you willing to believe me for this area of your life too?" I have recently been looking back, and all those little steps have added up to quite a long distance. Even in just the last 2 months or so.

All it takes is one step at a time. There is no condemnation for failing to live up to the "standards" and the "law." There is just love and gentle correction and a complete wiping clean of the slate. He gives us such love and approval when we do what He wants, and such love and forgiveness when we don't that we don't ever, ever have to feel condemned.


Only the enemy wants to hold us back. Only the enemy wants to keep us walking through life, not seeing the freedom and joy and peace we can have. Only the enemy wants to keep us from accessing the incomparably great power that is ours in Christ.

Because if we do, if we start living those victorious lives that are possible in Christ, we are going to be so attractive to other believers, they are going to want to know how to access that power in their lives. On top of that, we will find ourselves living our lives in such a way that we will be attractive to those who don't believe and they will want to know how we can live with such peace and joy.

No, we don't get it right all the time when we live in victory and freedom.
But that is the beauty of it.
We ALWAYS live in forgiveness.
We always walk in the new life, with new hope and new growth.

overwhelmed by JOY...

As we worshipped this morning, I was overwhelmed.

I was up front, helping lead, with 3 other singers.  We led out with a fairly upbeat set of three songs to start the service.  The last one that we sang was called “Stronger.” 

The chorus:

You are stronger, You are stronger

Sin is broken, You have saved me.

It is written “Christ is Risen”

Jesus, You are Lord of all.

It just hit me all over again what God has done for me in the past 3-4 weeks or so.  I mean, the healing, the bringing me to different points of surrender, the hope. 

Yes, my friend Cindy can tell me, “I told you so,” now. 

She kept telling me that there was hope.  She kept on telling me that I would make it through.  That I would heal.  That God had something more for me.

I don’t know the depth of that which God has done yet.  But it is more than a mere surface fix.  For I am more healed, have more hope, feel more freedom than ever before.

God has broken the power of sin and death.   

He has redeemed me and I am His.   

Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. 

I am more than a conqueror through Him who loved me.

These truths resonated in me over and over this morning through our first set of worship.  We came back around to the chorus (above) and as we got to it, I couldn’t stand still.  It was all I could do to keep from dancing up there.  I had a hard time singing cause I couldn’t tell if I was going to cry or laugh or do some combination of both.

I am undone.

I am overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed by JOY!

Please enjoy this video of the worship song, “Stronger.”  It’s worth the time… and wonderful to worship along with.

a challenge and Psalm 143

God is still faithful.

God is still good.

I am writing these words as much for myself as a reminder, as for you who are reading.

Last night I went to bed late, worrying and praying for a friend who is really struggling and hurting.

This morning I woke up just before my alarm. As I went to bed so late, I was planning on hitting the snooze until it was time to get my son up for school. But, I was awake. So I dragged this weary body out of bed and curled up under some blankets on the couch. I didn't even have the energy to make coffee. I took my bible with me, but was so tired, and so low in my spirit, I didn't even think I could open it, much less read it.

But I did open it.

I did read.

I opened to the Psalms because those always bring comfort when I feel like this.

Yesterday morning I wrote how I could feel the depression sneaking back in, and this morning, it was there. Not full force, but with my extreme tiredness, it felt worse than yesterday.

My bible opened to Psalm 143.

The whole psalm is wonderful. It spoke directly to where I am at right now. I couldn't have found better words than those already written in this psalm.

You see, yesterday I found myself challenged. I was challenged in an area that I feel God has been speaking to me about for a while now. He decided now was the time. He spoke to me through a friend. He gave me the courage to speak out about what it was. She was the first person to whom I have given voice to these words, this deep concern. I was scared. I was embarrassed. I have been feeling ashamed and running from the problem.

My friend challenged me in another "letting go" and agreed to hold me accountable, be my encourager and to walk with me through this area.

All my life, hiding from my emotions and thoughts and at times God too, have been my specialty. Through the past few years, as God has done major healing, I have learned to embrace my emotions more. Not that it's easy. Many times I have been overwhelmed by them, and chosen instead to run from them and not face them. Tuck them down way inside and not pay attention or let them run their course.

Once I talked to my friend, Cindy, it gave me the courage to agree to the challenge that she gave me.

Once I agree to something, and make a verbal commitment, Cindy knows that I will follow through. It's that part of me that is so responsible, I can't let something go.

So this morning, I felt (and still feel) that the enemy has circled around me and is causing situations to work out that will make me feel more isolated from friends, from God, and it's only deepening the cloud of depression. Things that are going to make it even harder to keep up with this "letting go."

Here is Psalm 143;

O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy;

In your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.

Do not bring your servant into judgement,

for no one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground;

he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead.

So my spirit grows faint within me;

my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago;

I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.

I spread out my hands to you;

my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Selah.

Answer my quickly, O Lord;

my spirit fails.

do not hide your face from me or I will be like those

who go down to the pit.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go,

for to you I lift up my soul.

Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord,

for I hide myself in you.

Teach me to do your will,

for your are my God;

may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life;

in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;

destroy all my foes,

for I am your servant.

I read this sitting and watching the sunrise.... meditating on the lines of "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you."

God gave me this psalm for this time, to remember that God hears my cries. He sees my struggles, the battle I am in for yet more freedom. I just have to trust Him with all of me.

I am struggling to remember that He just wants me to trust Him. Even when the enemy is raging at me, all God wants is for me to trust Him.

Darkness creeping in....

This week I would say has "been a week."

You know those.
Best explanation would be LONG.

I have been very busy for work, getting ready for our church's annual celebration. It is going to be really fun, but a lot of work up front for me.

I have met with a new friend through our bible study... we have enveloped two new women, and one of the women's daughter. It has taken some minor adjustments to our group, where we meet, how we fit all of us around a table, and just getting to know and trust each other enough to be pretty real with each other.

One of the women I have really clicked with. We have some things in common, and we got together this week for dinner. We had such a good time, and a great time of sharing.

I knew God was in the conversation and in our sharing and how we related. I was completely at peace about it. Since then, I have found myself wondering how much to trust, how much to reveal, concerned about so many things that really God is in control of. As He demonstrated just in our first getting together.

I think the enemy has been working me over pretty good though since then. This whole week has had good things, and great things, and though there were stresses, it was really, really good to see how God worked through it all.

So why do I only see the things that haven't happened? The things that I have been hit by?

I was feeling sick, mid-week, to the point that I really couldn't eat very much. I just wasn't feeling good. I slept a lot.

However, there is something bothering to me.

What, you ask?

I have no idea.

But it feels like I am trying to medicate, anesthetize myself so that I don't feel something, or think about something... or maybe even to keep myself from drawing close to God.

But what would I be so afraid of? Afraid enough that I want to block anything out, stop thinking? Why would I not want to be close to God? Close to Him is the safest place to be... why fear that?

I suppose part of it, is the world, my flesh, and the devil working against me to keep me from really pursuing God.

I want so much of God, I want to be free of some things that have been plaguing me. I don't know how to do that and am at sort of a loss. Its more than "doing" something to refocus myself, though bible studies and stuff are good.

It's really about being.

I was going along so well this summer, practicing the presence of God, really being with Him, still with Him. Now I have found that it is very hard to do again. I have lost the consistency of it that I had.

.... and I find this depression creeping in on me....

It darkens the edges of my day, of my thoughts, my perceptions of everything around me.

It is starting to take more and more effort to do things needing doing. To get out and run errands, to do tasks around the house, to even have the motivation to go outside and play with the kids.

I have just wanted to curl up and hide. Sleep. Disengage my mind. I fought against it so hard last night at our bible study, that I was so anxious by the end that I could hardly sit still.

I am so very tired.

I had been doing so much better for such a long time, that even when I hit a road block, that I know is gonna happen at one point or another as God works on me at a new level, I don't want to write.

I think that is why it has been so silent here. I have tried to be upbeat when I have written, but I don't have that in me today.

So this is what you get.

This girlfriend.
Struggling, hurting, confused, depressed and wanting to run.

Advent of trust #9; Accepted

Last night at our home group we were talking about how we view ourselves in Christ is really affected by the lies we believe. We talked about joy, and what that is and where it comes from.

If we keep believing the lies that we are unloved by God, rejected by Him, we aren't going to know what true joy is because we won't see or believe that we are the apple of God's eye, that His face lights up with delight when He looks at us.

In Christ, I am completely accepted. I have been adopted as God's child. Not just that I have been accepted through a technicality and He has to accept me.... He has chosen me to be His own. I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. I am complete in Him... whole and holy. Christ's blood has covered everything. God sees me through that blood as completely white as snow.

I remember one of the things that I dealt with in counseling was a very intense self hatred, for a few specific incidences in my life. Ones that I felt I had participated in completely, and willingly at the time.

I hated myself for this, because though I was a Christian at the time, I still did something that was so reprehensible, I couldn't forgive myself. As Tricia (my counselor) and I worked through one specific instance that I found so horrendous, I was just shaking with self loathing. I was nearly sick to my stomach, because I could see it all again, experience it all again, in my mind's eye.

Then suddenly, I was still in that situation, but God gave me the image of me being covered by this waterfall, and I realized it was His blood. I stood under that waterfall of His blood, drenched from head to toe, worthy. Worthy because "Worthy is the Lamb who was slain" and it was His blood that covered me.

When we are able to break the lies (and we need to ask God to reveal them to us, and help us break them) with the Truth of who God says we are, then we can start living in freedom and joy. We need to cling to the truth in the face of those lies... with our heads, and then with our hearts.

As we do, we find ourselves living with a deeper sense of abiding joy. Even if we are overcome with grief, loneliness, hopeless despair, we have a route to return to joy from there. Our route is the truth that we have learned that counteracts the lies... no matter what we feel.

Finding God faithful to break the lies I have of not being accepted, or never being acceptable enough, finding the joy of living united with Him and one in spirit with Him (1 Cor. 6:17) has enabled me to trust Him.

I "lose" that trust from time to time. I revert back to believing the old lies from the past, the ones the enemy keeps bringing back up when there is a hole in my armor.

Yet, today I choose to look to the past to remind myself of the truth and the faithfulness that God has shown me. That I can trust. If He has been faithful in the past, He is faithful now, and He will be faithful in the future.

I renounce the lie that I am rejected, unloved, dirty or shameful because in Christ I am completely accepted.

I am complete in Christ. (Col. 2:10)

I will trust in Him at all times.


(some thoughts, and some direct quotes come from Neil T. Anderson, "The Steps to Freedom in Christ")