Laying low

Yesterday and today I have been doing my best to lay low.

You see, I got the creeping crud that has been taking everyone else out.  And, when mommy's sick, daddy's working, kids are in school, it's one thing - I was able to get some rest on Thursday, but yesterday and today, everyone has pretty much been home, and I have been "on call," as it were.

There is also another complication.  Our church administrator (me) asked our resident computer/slide show guru (my husband) to put together a "Year in Review" slide show - utilizing pictures taken through the whole year of 2010 that she had collected.  Running a bit (ok, a little more than a bit) behind schedule, she handed him over 18 GB worth of photos and videos.

Oh, not only that many photos and videos, but also a digital video camera with footage from a baptism we held in August.  With the video still on the tape, not in the computer.

My guru is currently working on figuring out how to pull the video off the tape/camera and put it on his computer.  He's arguing with the camera, till he found a output connection he needed, now he's mumbling and arguing with the computer and software issues trying to get this off.

He wouldn't be working on this so hard if the administrator (me) had remember to bring our still camera to the baptism to get photos of all 8 or 9 that were baptized at the same time.  This was one of the first times in a long time we did a baptism, especially in the summer, inside our church.  But we put it right in the service because these folks, their testimonies are so powerful, we really wanted their stories and their baptisms to be the sermon.  It was a powerful service, and extremely moving for our church body to see first hand God working in these folks lives.  And what a celebration we had!

So, all that to say, we really want bits of this video imbedded in the slide show.

The complication is added to when it was realized that my dear, sweet husband works next weekend, and the slide show needs to be ready to go for me on Saturday morning.  He has this weekend to put it together.  And a few evenings and a day or so this coming week.

Needless to say, I have had to be up and "with it" to keep the kids occupied.  I had no idea what to do today, but Angela's family was staying at a hotel in town, with a pool, and invited me and the kids to come play with them.  So, off we went.  I was exhausted before I even got up this morning, so getting them there was a challenge, but once they were there, and acclimated to the water, I could settle in, and finally was able to relax in the hot tub for a bit.  Literally for two kids who can't swim, they got used to that pool fast and had a blast.

That took care of the middle of the day... they got home and crashed out on the couch and played quietly.  I was able to flop on the bed for a bit while daddy took care of supper, as he was at a pause in his work.  Then I crashed with them on the couch, watched a bit of tv and helped get them into bed.

I am heading to bed soon, cause I am still feeling cruddy (not as bad as this morning, but if it takes me this long to get going tomorrow, I'm gonna be in trouble getting us out of the door to church!).

In the process of laying low, I have been reading and writing in my journal, but not many of my thoughts are clear, so I haven't wanted to share a lot here.  I have been so emotional through last week, and last weekend, that now it feels like everything has numbed out.  I know that may not necessarily be true, it may be the cold working against that, and God helping me get through a couple of very busy, tough weeks.... weeks that can't be easily navigated with emotions ranging all over.

That being said, I talked with a friend on Wednesday.  We chatted for a while, and it helped me, though it was a bit painful, to realize that I have been pulling in on myself the blame and shame for several different things that have happened in the past.  I have been taking on the other person's responsibilities.  Not just in recent days, but I am realizing it is applying more and more to the relationship I am working through with Tricia.

I spent some time after our conversation in the sanctuary, in tears.  I just have been so tired.  With little sleep, and little food.... well, that doesn't help the emotions, much less the body in fighting off a cold.

So, though I have done little writing here recently, God is working in me and on me.  He's writing on my heart some of the things that I need to remember.  There are just too many to put to word here.  I am still trying to figure out what they all are.  Then I need to somehow get myself off the old paths, old grooves in my thoughts and get into new ones... make new paths based on the Truth, not the lies of the past.

Laying low is what I am doing.  Keeping my head down and trying to get through what I have to.  At the same time, God is still working on me... sometimes that's the best time for Him to get close enough for me to hear His whispers... when I'm laying low and have cut out the "fluff" of life that overtakes me so many times.  When I get down to bare bones living, doing the bare minimum, those are the times when I am ready to listen.  Just praying I remember what I have heard during this time.

Now, as I am nearly dozing as I try to write any more - I am off to try to get some better sleep than I did last night.

(Oh, and as of yet, my guru husband can't get the video off this camera.  First the software he was downloading wasn't compatible with Windows 7, so he moved to a Windows XP machine.  As of now, he has said that unless something happens, there is no way for him to pull off the video.  He doesn't have the drivers and software needed for the video camera, and its so old, Sony doesn't even have the drivers on line.  Unless the owners of the camera happen to have their software disks for their camera, and are actually able to find time.... no pictures or videos of the baptism.... my husband is very disgusted at the moment....)

abiding in peace

I talked in my last email about being at peace.

I am struggling with staying, abiding, in that peace right now.

You see, I am typing pretty much one handed right now.  I have tendinitis (so the walk-in doctor thinks) in my left hand, in two to three fingers.  Its the hand that I partially fell on when I fell and got my stitches in my chin 2 weeks ago.  I don't know if I damaged something in the fall (x-rays came back clear) or in using it since then, I have made things worse.

To immobilize my fingers, I actually have a huge splint with a wrap around it, my wrist and hand.  It looks like I broke me wrist or something.  It is really frustrating, because I really can't do anything... at all... with my left hand.  I can't even grab something between my thumb and forefinger!

Yet, in the midst of restrictions and limitations, I am reminded that things could be much worse.  It could be my right (dominant) hand, or something could have been broken.  I am grateful, and struggling to remember that I can still be in His peace, and rest there.

I have definitely been slowed down these past two weeks or more.

I mean, God has been really slowing me down, between accidents and illness, I have been unable to accomplish the things I've wanted to.  Even the simplest things like laundry or cutting back the dead flowers in my flower garden has been beyond me when I was sick, or on pain meds cause of my fall, or now that I am effectively one-handed.

Dave has helped immensely around here in picking up the slack as much as he has been able to around being sick himself, and working.

There has been so much that has been happening in my heart and mind since I last wrote.  I am going to have to devote some time later to writing out as best I can, or I might just hand write something out, take a picture of it and upload it as a big picture so you can read that!  I don't know.  I just know that there is so much on my heart right now.  I want to share it with you.

Maybe, too this has been God's way of getting me to listen to Him and be quiet before Him.  That way He has had the opportunity to cement some things in my mind and heart before I share with you.

I hope to write more soon!  Love and peace to you.

Forced Rest

Today has been made up primarily of sleep for me.  I wish I could have been out in the beautiful weather with the kids at the farm.  Or at least cutting back my dead flowers and cleaning up the yard, because before too long the snow is gonna sneak up on us and stuff in my yard has to be protected, put away and prepared.

However, it was not a day of work for me for sure!

I got up this morning at about 8:30 or so with the kids.  I have been sick and as soon as I stood up, I knew it was going to be a "day."  I was dizzy and lightheaded, and my head hurt.  I took some tylenol and decongestant, and then set about getting the kids settled in.  Once they had their chocolate milk (carnation instant breakfast - their "drink of choice" in the mornings) in hand, I settled down with them on the couch and watched a bit of cartoons with them.  Pretty soon they were up and moving.  They wanted to play at their desks. 

Yes, we somehow squeezed 2 desks into this living room.  We had a small one Peter was using for a while.  But we were looking for a bigger one for him, one that would accommodate a computer monitor, keyboard and mouse.   When I was visiting Cindy, and mentioned that we wanted to get Peter a new desk, she jumped up and showed me a desk that she just removed from her house.  I jumped on it.  It was the perfect size.  Peter can set aside the keyboard and mouse when he wants to use the desktop and has plenty of room there.  He's thrilled.  So is Marina, because Peter's move up means that she gets his old desk.  Perfect timing.

Anyway, as they played, I curled up on the couch under both of the kids blankets and rested.  Finally, Dave got up after sleeping in, the kids got dressed, and they all headed to the farm.  I grabbed a microwavable rice sock (gotta try those if you haven't... they are heaven and you can even make your own!!) heated it up and headed to bed.  I rested there for a bit, trying to write but that really didn't work well as I was too tired and spacey.  I finally rolled over and fell asleep for a couple of hours.

I got up and read, did a load of laundry, got a load put away, but really didn't do much for my day.  Took a hot shower and changed into fresh pj's.  That's about all.

I realize that I haven't had a day like this in a really long time.  I can't remember the last time I didn't really have to do anything.  I mean anything at all!  I think this cold is God's way of slowing me down.  I have had a little bit of time up and around with the kids, but already I can feel my energy flagging again.

Good timing, the kids are just about ready for bed, and I am planning on climbing into my bed shortly as well.

Because I haven't had a day like this in a long time, I felt almost guilty for not doing anything.  But I haven't taken a day voluntarily in so long, that I think God has used this cold to really slow me down.  I mean, I nearly had to stop everything today. 

I feel bad, because when I have a day that I'm able to detach from everything going on around me (or even a portion of a day) I try to spend it with God.  But I seriously wasn't able to even think clearly enough to hardly pray.  Maybe it was good, because many of the things that have hit me this week are too hard for me to deal with right now, and like a friend has said, it's time to take a vacation from it for a while.

Yesterday I had no voice, so I could only listen as my friend Cindy D. talked with me on the phone.  I was able to talk with her a little bit, but for the most part, it was a time for her to share.  Today I could talk more, but until now was unable to string more than a few thoughts together.

So, it truly has been "forced rest" today.  I have had no way of avoiding it, and no real energy to try.  A forced rest physically, and a break from thinking through problems or "tough stuff" and a time just to "be."  It's hard for me to do, but needed so much of the time. 

I have read so much about taking a Sabbath rest.  Not just once in a while, but weekly.  I want to do this.  I want to have a "God day" and a time where I can just take the time out from working, over thinking, and just do things that help me rest up and recharge.  Sometimes I can do that for a little bit, some portion of a day, here and there.  But I want to incorporate this into my weeks and months that are coming.

It's crazy that a long tough road of preparation for an event, and the event itself is what makes me take some days off from work, and then a cold on top of it taking me out so badly that I had to take another day really off.

It should be something worked into my schedule already.

I can see it's going to be another way to take care of myself.  Another thing in the list of "self care" that I'm going to have to work on.

It's been hard to feel so under the weather.  But when my body shuts down, there is nothing I can do.  It felt good to have the freedom to collapse as I needed to for the day.  I owe my husband a great debt of gratitude for that, for taking the kids away and letting me rest.  It was wonderful.

Thank you God too, for forcing me to rest.  May I keep in mind this break, and remember to take the unexpected breaks I get during the weeks ahead to stop and rest and be with you, and to be ok with doing nothing but sleeping, if that's what my body needs.

Friends, family, hay, and trains... my life the past few days!

It's 7pm, and I actually have some moments of quiet.

I haven't been on the computer a whole lot at home because I loaned my laptop out to a friend who is pretty much out of comission with a knee surgery, and needed to be able to get at his email and do some work.

It's ok though, it just means that Dave has to share his computer with me! :) Not sure what he thinks about that yet. Especially when he finds that I have been "blogging" on HIS computer! :D

This week has been a week.

One of ups and downs.

Great conversations.

Difficult decisions for dear friends.

I have definitely gone "up" and "down" this week.

I started out my work week pretty low, and stayed that way all week, slowly getting better by Wednesday evening. I don't think it is my work itself that is pulling me down (I work at my church as the administrator) but maybe the enemy hitting me as much as possible to keep me from doing what I should be.... not sure on this, but feeling its a pretty good guess.

Thursday morning I spent on a friends porch. I was alone, just me and God. I was waiting to let in hospice to set up a hospital bed in their living room. My dear friends Henry and Sandy are going through a rough time. Henry has colon cancer. They have stopped chemo and are now home from the hospital, on home hospice.

Though it has been very difficult for them, I know they are totally at peace now with this situation, and with the decisions that have been made.

While I was at their house, I spent the time praying for them, prayer walking through their house.... and spent some great personal time with God too.

I had nearly 4 hours of uninterrupted time before things started hopping there, and people and equipment started arriving.

I walked into my friend Cindy's house on Friday, and after giving and receiving a big hug, she asked me how I was doing (because Tuesday was an awful day!!!!). I was able to tell her joyfully that I was doing really pretty good! Imagine her surprise and delight!

I had a great talk with her that morning, and a great conversation with my friends Peter and Donna the night before.

Yesterday, after getting home from spending time with Cindy, I mowed the lawn really quick and then ran to the farm with the kids, because my father in law was baling hay.

He had cut the day before, and side raked earlier in the day - he was trying to get it in the barn before dark, and it was supposed to rain last night (which it did).

It has been raining so much here that there haven't been 2-3 consecutive days without rain that were good for cutting hay. All the farmers are behind and trying to squeeze it in.

So, out to the farm we went.

I brought work gloves and jeans and borrowed a long sleeved shirt for helping out. I have never really been able to help before, because my allergies are so bad that I can't hardly breathe when I try to help. And usually there have been more than enough people to help, so I can back out and let someone else do it.

Not yesterday. My husbands cousin was there, and so my father in law, Joe and Dave's cousin Tom had brought in the first load and got it in the barn. I got there while Joe was baling the second load. So, I went into the house and made sure there was fresh watermelon and that the dinner was in the oven.

I came out when I heard him coming down the road with the loaded hay wagon. I wish I had some pictures to show you of the day and all the kids riding high on those mountains of bales!

I knew Joe didn't expect me to help, but I walked over with my work gloves on, hair in a bandanna, and long sleeves. I got up on the wagon and waited for Tom to get up in the loft and the elevator to start going. Thankfully the bales weren't too heavy this time, and I was able to pull them down, and line them up for my 6 yr old son who kicked and pushed them over to Joe to get them on the elevator. (He was thrilled to be helping that way when he realized that he couldn't swing them like grandpa!)

We did great until Joe needed to pull the wagon forward, to get at the bales at the back of the wagon, and got stuck on the end elevator, cause he pulled in crooked. At that point a friend of the family showed up and was able to help lift the elevator out of the way, and help unload the rest of the wagon. Since he could pretty much handle 2 bales at once, one with each hand, I was out of a job on the wagon.

I was relegated to "women's work" of making more juice and bringing out fresh fruit and stuff...

Though I am pretty sure it wasn't intentional, I am disappointed that I didn't get to really help unload more than I did. I wasn't really pushed aside, but when I was told I could go take a break, instead of speaking up and saying I wanted to keep on going, I backed down. I didn't mind running the errands for food and drinks in between loads, cause I couldn't help in the field. But I guess I am kind of mad at myself for not speaking up and saying I wanted to help out more.

I know I will probably get more chances as the summer goes on and the weather cooperates, but still. I wanted to do the work once I got out there. It felt really good to do something physical like that, that I knew was helping the family.

In the end though, with the help of the 2 other guys, Joe got in all his loads. Five in all from the 2 fields he cut. I don't know how much more he is planning on baling himself, but I know he will be helping others if he doesn't bail, so I may get another chance this summer to help out and prove myself.

Today, I went with my family for a train ride. The place we went was about 3 hours away from us, and we went with our cousins. After the 3 hours of driving we got to walk around the train yard. Then got on the train and had a pizza lunch, and rode for nearly 2 hours. Then the long ride home again.

My husband is tired (so am I) but he is sleeping right now (hence the reason I can "blog" on his computer!!!)

It was a good day with the family. I did get joy out of it, which is I guess, what the doctor and I want to see as the result of my taking the medications.

I still am finding myself very easily irritated, and frustrated. My anxiety is still very high. Some days it goes down - like on Friday... but today it was way back up there again.

It's hard to tell what is circumstantial, and what isn't. I don't know what to attribute it all to, but I guess even if I don't know, I have to roll with the punches and do what it takes to take care of myself.

I am tired out, but I am also hungry and thirsty, so I am going to go outside, where it is a bit cooler (rather than trying to go sleep right now - if I did that I would never sleep through the night) and enjoy a fire and some reading and maybe some hotdogs over the fire.

I guess that will be a way I can take care of myself tonight, as long as I don't stay out too late by the fire.

I hope to write more soon, to share more of what I have been learning through reading a book that Cindy recommended to me.

Hopefully that will come sometime this week.

I guess I just wanted to let you know what was going on, and how I was doing since that last post of mine.

On the road... walking with Jesus,

Heather

Advent of Trust #10; Faithfulness of God in Cindy's life

This may seem a cop out to some, to point you to another post.

However, this has so affected me that it was what prompted me to start writing my Advent posts this year.

More than anything I have been trying to focus my last few posts on things that I need, not trying to tailor the posts to "fit" in with advent. Just writing for me.

My sweet friend Cindy wrote this post. Her first after her surgery. I am so grateful to see her heart written out again. Some of this she already told me last weekend but it was a blessing to see it in her own words.

Please visit her, and continue to pray for her healing and for energy again.... big praise.... all the pathology came back benign!!! Praise God and thank you so much for praying for her!

Here is her post "Great is thy Faithfulness Oh, Lord!"

May God bless you,

My friend, my heart

I'm just going to put it out there.

I'm having a hard week.

Work has been good, and I love the job.
I put in a ton of hours earlier this week, and drained myself.
It was my own fault for not putting up boundaries.

It took me nearly all day Wednesday to recover.

Yesterday I talked to my friend Cindy on the phone. I snuggled up under the covers on my bed while we talked. When we were done, I hung up and immediately started sobbing into the pillows.

All I wanted to do was get to her somehow and give her a big hug.

She is so overwhelmed by all that is going on in her life, that "Miss Empathy" herself, the dear woman who cries at almost anything, can't cry.

I think it is a flip of the switch that her brain did to enable her, with all the traumas in her life, to keep functioning. She is hurting terribly, but can't cry, can't break down, or let it go.

I get to see her, for a bit this morning for the first time in almost 4 weeks. I have missed her so much. She was gone, dealing with her father's death, and then caring for her mother, as she suddenly got worse and was hospitalized.

Now on top of all of that, she is preparing for surgery herself.

My heart is breaking for her. She is so glazed over, as she said to me just recently.

She is here right now on the phone, with another doctor, who is asking her questions to prep her for surgery.

I just promised her that she wouldn't be alone in the hospital if her husband couldn't be with her all the time. I want to do as much for her as I can, as God wants me to, even if it isn't me staying with her, but me arranging to have others stay with her.

Another friend went through surgery, cancer, and chemo last year, and I had peace pretty much through the whole thing, though it was traumatic. I was able to help and bring food, and do as much as possible to help her and her husband.

I never expected to have this type of response to all the things Cindy is going through, from her dad dying, to her mom almost gone now, to her having surgery... She just has been hit with so much. So my empathy is kicking into overdrive, as she "can't" feel right now, I have been for her.

That probably prompted my storm of tears yesterday.
It's probably why I am so close to tears today.

Please pray for me as I try to do all that God is asking me to, in my life, and all the things that I want to do, as God gives me permission, for Cindy. I know it is normal to hurt and grieve for someone, especially someone with whom I am so close. But I also want to be strong for her, and not make her think that she can't tell me things because I can't "handle" it.

Please pray for Cindy, that a some point (preferably before the surgery) she will be able to let go of some of the emotions building up.

God has been showing His perfect timing in everything, allowing her to reschedule an appointment with a doctor who really is scheduled out so far, it was nearly impossible for her to get her first appointment with him... and she was able to get her surgery scheduled soon. If her mom does die now, please pray that the timing will work out for the best for Cindy.

Pray that the people around Bob and Cindy will be able to help and come around them, supporting them during this time. They have no immediate family in this area, but have a whole church who loves them dearly. Please pray that they would accept the help that is offered to them, and not try to tough it out alone.

Pray for God's peace over all, in all, and through all.

She had to run to another appointment here in town, so Marina and I are going to run to meet her somewhere for lunch, after her appointment.

I am praying for a sweet time of fellowship... because I think we both need it.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for a forum where I can be honest about where I am at, my emotions, and the things going on in my life right now... the aches, and joys too, in my heart.

Hopefully be able to write more soon,
Love in Him

Respite of a quiet moment...

Yesterday, I posted about how I was sick and tired... how our whole house was sick and tired.

I got a comment from L.L. Barkat "Flu. Ick. May you find respite in some quiet moment soon."

This morning it wasn't perfect. But I did get a bit of a respite.

The kids were tired, and sitting on the couch, watching their morning cartoons. I snuggled back up in bed (just around the corner from them, but out of sight) with my bible and a couple of bible studies I have been working on.

I have been behind in these studies this week. I have gotten behind in the daily homework. Since I was too sick to go to my Esther study this morning, I decided to take the time to try to get caught up.

I was able to do one day of homework in my other study, and then switched books. I just love Beth Moore! This is the first bible study of her's that I have been able to do... Esther. Oh! It is so good!

It was like settling down to a good conversation with a good friend. It felt familiar and comfortable, and yet challenged me to look into the Word and really dig into it. It felt so wonderful. Some people would think that the mental exercise would be exhausting...

... even that early in the morning.. it was the respite I needed.

It provided the energy to deal with sick kids.
It provided the stamina to take a shower... (yes, its taken me while to even feel like doing that)

It provided the desire in my heart to have more of a connection with my heavenly Father, all day, rather than just that little bit this morning. It gave me a taste of Him and invited Him into my day today.

The respite of a quiet moment.

It was a much needed moment, a much needed respite.

Thank You, Jesus, for the chance today to start the day off with you, even with sick and cranky kids, and a sick and cranky me. Keep us safe this day, and help me to do what I need to, and have the energy to do it. Help me to know when to rest, and when to play, and when to work. Heal me and heal my kids. Keep my husband healthy. Bless us all with more quiet moments of respite. Amen.

Sick and tired, and a prayer request...

I haven't had much energy to write this week.

The kids and I have been fighting a losing battle with the flu. No idea whether it is the regular strain or not, but we are down and out.

I also have been working, though the last couple of days were half days, because of how I was feeling.

I feel like my brain is mush. It's been hard to concentrate, just cause of how I have been feeling. I have had a hard time quieting myself to pray, and when I do, my mind wanders so quickly. It has also been hard to write, or do a bible study or anything.

All that to say, there have been lots of ideas that float through my head to write about, but do you think that I could ever remember them long enough to write them down?

Yeah, you guessed it. Not even close!

I wanted to share with you a prayer request though.

My dear friend Cindy has just lost her father.
She is struggling quite a bit, as you can imagine.

She is on her way to Tennessee to meet up with her brother and sister, and her daughter. She is driving about 3 hours today, and then will drive the rest of the trip tomorrow. The funeral is at 1pm on Friday. I don't know how long she will be down there, but she needs lots of prayer to get through it all.

She wrote a brief post about her dad HERE, and about how God showed such grace to her, by allowing her one last talk with her dad. It's worth the moment it takes to run over there and read it.

Hopefully by the end of this week things will be slow enough, and I will be feeling well enough to share a bit about a conference I went to last week, and some things God laid on my heart.

Until then,
God bless and thank you for your prayers on behalf of my friend, Cindy, and our sick family!

Cindy...

Update below

Those of you following my blog for the last week or so, know that I have requested prayer for my friend, Cindy. She has been with me through so much the past couple of years. And she has gone through so much herself.

This past week has been especially tough on her.

She is now down in the Nashville area, taking care of her mother, while her sister, Cher, takes care of her own son, Timothy.

Cindy is not the nurse type. She threw up when her kids threw up and were sick. She just isn't gifted in this area. However, now she is taking care of her mom, who has a colostomy and is going through chemo treatments for an in-operable cancer, ovarian. Her mom is not a believer so, though the chemo will only give her at most 6 more months, she is trying it.

The chemo is making her extremely sick, and now that she has just had surgery to put in the colostomy, she is going back in for chemo tomorrow.

Cindy took her in for some doctor appointments today. She is going to spend most of the day tomorrow at doctor offices, and then Thursday her mom gets her first bout of chemo since her surgery for the colostomy. The she has to take her mom, sick from the chemo, through a bunch of doctor visits on Friday.

My biggest prayer request is for her rest. When I talked to her today, Cindy just sounded exhausted. She is wiped. She said she hasn't been sleeping well. She goes to bed when her mom does, and gets up when she does. But last night alone, she went to bed just after 10pm, and was up by 5:30am. Now that wouldn't be so bad if she were sleeping straight through the night and waking rested. But she isn't sleeping through the night. I know that she has been waking up several times, at least. She also has been dealing with a steady headache for about 8 weeks now.

All day.
Every day.
Non stop.

Nothing touches it. Nothing stops it. Nothing even lessens the pain.

I can't describe what my heart did when I heard her voice today. She just sounded to me like she was talking so carefully, just because she couldn't hardly move. You know the feeling. When you are barely hanging onto consciousness because you are so tired. She sounded so exhausted, and it was just about noon.

Please. Please pray for her. I know you don't know Cindy. I know you don't know her family. But even a brief prayer on her behalf, I know God will hear.

Her mom, Janie, and her sister Cher, do not know Jesus. I doubt her nephew Timothy does either. Please pray for their salvation. They so need to rest in the arms of Jesus, and have an assurance and strength that passes all understanding. They need, most of all, HOPE. Just by the things Cindy has described, they have none. They are clinging with desperation, to this life.

Thank you so much for your prayers. I know that Cindy appreciates them... more than you can know. When I told her I was posting here on my blog for her, she was so grateful to know others were praying.

Soon, I will be able to get back to regular posts, but for now, please keep Cindy and her family in your prayers.

Here is a direct update from Cindy... Her words, not mine. I am copying and pasting from an email that I got from her today.

Thanks so much for praying!
Today was chemo day and we are at back at Mom's now and she is sleeping. I have had some quiet time to read and pray both during her chemo and over the last hour as she sleeps...God is giving me everything I need and I am so very thankful I have Him and so many people praying.

Additional prayer request is for my Dad, who is struggling right now with his health...I don't know exactly what is going on, but a gal who works for a home health care group will be visiting his house tomorrow and said she would call me and let me know how he is doing.

The phone calls have been nonstop today between my brother, sister and dad. But, still God is giving me peace and I know He will give me wisdom in all the situations I find myself in with the family.

Prayer for their salvation and peace in their souls and hearts still is my greatest prayer.

As you can tell, the prayers are needed and well appreciated. I am glad that she emailed me and let me know how she was doing, and how things went today... and that now you have her words, not just mine! I had emailed her on the off chance that she would have email... wasn't sure she had her computer with her or internet access.

Thank you again!
Love you all,

Issues...

Hi all,

I just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten about you all. I just have been having some "issues."

I wanted to post earlier this week, well all week really, on our Chapter 4 of our book study, "An Untroubled Heart." However, other things have taken priority.

I have been getting over a cold. Earlier this week, I really thought I was over it. Then I missed a night of sleep on Wednesday... just major insomnia, and got only about 4 hours of sleep. Thursday I felt ok, but tired, and Friday I woke up to a very plugged up head. I figured it was the cold re-occurring and that with some more rest I would be ok.

I went to visit Cindy during the morning, and then returned home. By 6pm I realized that this was not a regular cold. My sinuses were stinging, and every time I moved, dizziness and light-headedness prevailed. Unfortunately, by the time I realized it, and could have gotten anywhere, the walk-in clinics were all closed.

So, I went this morning. I was right in my thinking. I have a sinus infection. Praise God I am on some meds now, but really need to get this cleared up by next weekend so I can sing without getting dizzy! Right now, pretty much any movement is making me light headed.

Then we have this issue with our cars.

Yes, both of them.
At once.

Sigh.

Dave's car rusted through the radiator. And we have been having trouble finding the right match. He can do the work himself, we just have to track down the right part. His car is currently completely out of commission.

My car has decided that it is going to smell hot, every time I drive it. The engine heat indicator doesn't go up, but when I park it, I smell hot rubber from under the hood. Dave has looked the best he can, and is unable to see any wearing or rubbing on any of the belts visible. The problem is, my car has a variable automatic transmission. So, if the belts in the transmission are wearing or rubbing, we can't see it easily because we would have to take everything apart to get to it to even look.

I am driving my car right now, though I know it probably isn't the wisest. But it is the only car working at the moment. If at some point I need to take my car in, and decide to do it this week, while Dave's is still down, we will possibly be able to borrow a car from Dave's grandmother, out at the farm. It might be the Lincoln continental, but at least its transportation.

So our house has been having issues.
All at once.

If you could pray for us, I would be extremely grateful.

In the process of all this, I am still trying to hear God's voice about working, and if so, what job, or where to go.

Did I mention I am having issues?

The pressure is on, and I am trying not to fear... this book has been a great one...
Hopefully I will be able to post a little bit on this chapter, or I will combine both 4 and 5 this coming week. If I ever have the time to read it!! I am cooking for about 15 people tonight and tomorrow, so I am busy with all of that too.

It's just after noon, and I am tired already. I have only been up for 4 hours!

Yikes.
It's going to be a long day, and a long weekend.

I appreciate your prayers and hope to write more soon.
Love you all,