Saturday, October 30, 2010

Forced Rest

Today has been made up primarily of sleep for me.  I wish I could have been out in the beautiful weather with the kids at the farm.  Or at least cutting back my dead flowers and cleaning up the yard, because before too long the snow is gonna sneak up on us and stuff in my yard has to be protected, put away and prepared.

However, it was not a day of work for me for sure!

I got up this morning at about 8:30 or so with the kids.  I have been sick and as soon as I stood up, I knew it was going to be a "day."  I was dizzy and lightheaded, and my head hurt.  I took some tylenol and decongestant, and then set about getting the kids settled in.  Once they had their chocolate milk (carnation instant breakfast - their "drink of choice" in the mornings) in hand, I settled down with them on the couch and watched a bit of cartoons with them.  Pretty soon they were up and moving.  They wanted to play at their desks. 

Yes, we somehow squeezed 2 desks into this living room.  We had a small one Peter was using for a while.  But we were looking for a bigger one for him, one that would accommodate a computer monitor, keyboard and mouse.   When I was visiting Cindy, and mentioned that we wanted to get Peter a new desk, she jumped up and showed me a desk that she just removed from her house.  I jumped on it.  It was the perfect size.  Peter can set aside the keyboard and mouse when he wants to use the desktop and has plenty of room there.  He's thrilled.  So is Marina, because Peter's move up means that she gets his old desk.  Perfect timing.

Anyway, as they played, I curled up on the couch under both of the kids blankets and rested.  Finally, Dave got up after sleeping in, the kids got dressed, and they all headed to the farm.  I grabbed a microwavable rice sock (gotta try those if you haven't... they are heaven and you can even make your own!!) heated it up and headed to bed.  I rested there for a bit, trying to write but that really didn't work well as I was too tired and spacey.  I finally rolled over and fell asleep for a couple of hours.

I got up and read, did a load of laundry, got a load put away, but really didn't do much for my day.  Took a hot shower and changed into fresh pj's.  That's about all.

I realize that I haven't had a day like this in a really long time.  I can't remember the last time I didn't really have to do anything.  I mean anything at all!  I think this cold is God's way of slowing me down.  I have had a little bit of time up and around with the kids, but already I can feel my energy flagging again.

Good timing, the kids are just about ready for bed, and I am planning on climbing into my bed shortly as well.

Because I haven't had a day like this in a long time, I felt almost guilty for not doing anything.  But I haven't taken a day voluntarily in so long, that I think God has used this cold to really slow me down.  I mean, I nearly had to stop everything today. 

I feel bad, because when I have a day that I'm able to detach from everything going on around me (or even a portion of a day) I try to spend it with God.  But I seriously wasn't able to even think clearly enough to hardly pray.  Maybe it was good, because many of the things that have hit me this week are too hard for me to deal with right now, and like a friend has said, it's time to take a vacation from it for a while.

Yesterday I had no voice, so I could only listen as my friend Cindy D. talked with me on the phone.  I was able to talk with her a little bit, but for the most part, it was a time for her to share.  Today I could talk more, but until now was unable to string more than a few thoughts together.

So, it truly has been "forced rest" today.  I have had no way of avoiding it, and no real energy to try.  A forced rest physically, and a break from thinking through problems or "tough stuff" and a time just to "be."  It's hard for me to do, but needed so much of the time. 

I have read so much about taking a Sabbath rest.  Not just once in a while, but weekly.  I want to do this.  I want to have a "God day" and a time where I can just take the time out from working, over thinking, and just do things that help me rest up and recharge.  Sometimes I can do that for a little bit, some portion of a day, here and there.  But I want to incorporate this into my weeks and months that are coming.

It's crazy that a long tough road of preparation for an event, and the event itself is what makes me take some days off from work, and then a cold on top of it taking me out so badly that I had to take another day really off.

It should be something worked into my schedule already.

I can see it's going to be another way to take care of myself.  Another thing in the list of "self care" that I'm going to have to work on.

It's been hard to feel so under the weather.  But when my body shuts down, there is nothing I can do.  It felt good to have the freedom to collapse as I needed to for the day.  I owe my husband a great debt of gratitude for that, for taking the kids away and letting me rest.  It was wonderful.

Thank you God too, for forcing me to rest.  May I keep in mind this break, and remember to take the unexpected breaks I get during the weeks ahead to stop and rest and be with you, and to be ok with doing nothing but sleeping, if that's what my body needs.

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