Friday, November 13, 2009

My friend, my heart

I'm just going to put it out there.

I'm having a hard week.

Work has been good, and I love the job.
I put in a ton of hours earlier this week, and drained myself.
It was my own fault for not putting up boundaries.

It took me nearly all day Wednesday to recover.

Yesterday I talked to my friend Cindy on the phone. I snuggled up under the covers on my bed while we talked. When we were done, I hung up and immediately started sobbing into the pillows.

All I wanted to do was get to her somehow and give her a big hug.

She is so overwhelmed by all that is going on in her life, that "Miss Empathy" herself, the dear woman who cries at almost anything, can't cry.

I think it is a flip of the switch that her brain did to enable her, with all the traumas in her life, to keep functioning. She is hurting terribly, but can't cry, can't break down, or let it go.

I get to see her, for a bit this morning for the first time in almost 4 weeks. I have missed her so much. She was gone, dealing with her father's death, and then caring for her mother, as she suddenly got worse and was hospitalized.

Now on top of all of that, she is preparing for surgery herself.

My heart is breaking for her. She is so glazed over, as she said to me just recently.

She is here right now on the phone, with another doctor, who is asking her questions to prep her for surgery.

I just promised her that she wouldn't be alone in the hospital if her husband couldn't be with her all the time. I want to do as much for her as I can, as God wants me to, even if it isn't me staying with her, but me arranging to have others stay with her.

Another friend went through surgery, cancer, and chemo last year, and I had peace pretty much through the whole thing, though it was traumatic. I was able to help and bring food, and do as much as possible to help her and her husband.

I never expected to have this type of response to all the things Cindy is going through, from her dad dying, to her mom almost gone now, to her having surgery... She just has been hit with so much. So my empathy is kicking into overdrive, as she "can't" feel right now, I have been for her.

That probably prompted my storm of tears yesterday.
It's probably why I am so close to tears today.

Please pray for me as I try to do all that God is asking me to, in my life, and all the things that I want to do, as God gives me permission, for Cindy. I know it is normal to hurt and grieve for someone, especially someone with whom I am so close. But I also want to be strong for her, and not make her think that she can't tell me things because I can't "handle" it.

Please pray for Cindy, that a some point (preferably before the surgery) she will be able to let go of some of the emotions building up.

God has been showing His perfect timing in everything, allowing her to reschedule an appointment with a doctor who really is scheduled out so far, it was nearly impossible for her to get her first appointment with him... and she was able to get her surgery scheduled soon. If her mom does die now, please pray that the timing will work out for the best for Cindy.

Pray that the people around Bob and Cindy will be able to help and come around them, supporting them during this time. They have no immediate family in this area, but have a whole church who loves them dearly. Please pray that they would accept the help that is offered to them, and not try to tough it out alone.

Pray for God's peace over all, in all, and through all.

She had to run to another appointment here in town, so Marina and I are going to run to meet her somewhere for lunch, after her appointment.

I am praying for a sweet time of fellowship... because I think we both need it.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for a forum where I can be honest about where I am at, my emotions, and the things going on in my life right now... the aches, and joys too, in my heart.

Hopefully be able to write more soon,
Love in Him


Paula (SweetPea) said...

Heather, you are so sweet. What a heartfelt post. I have prayed for Cindy, Bob, her mom, your time together, peace, comfort...all that God knows is needed in this situation.

You are a dear friend.

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

Heather - I am so sorry for all you are burdened with right now.
I will be praying for Cindy and her family.

If you would like me to put her on my prayer blog, please let me know and I will add her!

Amy@LivinginHarmony said...

I am so sorry that your friend is facing so much right now. I will be praying for her, her family and for you as you minister to her needs.

stephseef said...

Heather we will indeed pray for her. I am going to pray specifically for you, too, that you will be able to put her stuff in the proper context from your stuff -- you are responsible for a lot, dear Heather, and the Lord doesn't intend for you to carry everyone's burdens. That's what He has promised that He will do. He loves your heart for her - but let Him carry it, girl. Love you!

Heather said...

Dear friends,
this is a note from Cindy, that she put up on my blog post before this.

"Thank you dear ladies for joining Heather in prayer for me. God is good even when life doesn't feel good.

Heather, You know I am still praying for you and the dancing shoes are still on! God has done many wondrous things over these past few years and I am so thankful He has allowed us to walk together through them!
Love you,

I just wanted to make sure that you all saw it!
Love you all and thank you for joining me in prayer...