This weekend would have been exhausting for many people.
Yet though I am tired right now, it isn't total exhaustion. I will sleep well, make no doubt! But I have learned that working out of your areas of gifting and love are energizing, not depleting.
I never really understood that before.
I never really knew what my giftings were before.
I used to ask God to show me what to do, what I should do with my life....
...and then tried things on my own, out of my own strength.
I should have waited more patiently, trusting Him.
I was so worried about my friend, Cindy, two weeks ago. I remember voicing to her that I just wanted to do something more than "just pray" for her.
She kept telling me that whatever happened it would be good. It would be worked for our good and God's glory, for her, for all of us.
I was afraid to trust that. To trust God for that.
Yet, He still gives us chance after chance to trust.
This weekend, I had the opportunity to put my desire to do more than "just pray" to work. I was hands on helping. It was so good to do something, anything physical to help.
But, as I was up with her in the wee hours of the morning, putting a cold wash cloth on her forehead, just rubbing her shoulder as she cried because of the pain of moving around and exhaustion....
and it wasn't "just praying" anymore.
It was the true work I was doing.
All the physical help I gave was a good break for both her and her husband. But the prayer that I could give, and did give, during the night, silent and out loud was the real work.
In the middle of the night, when you choose helping someone over the preferred sleep... when you voice prayers and words of scripture and gestures of comfort when your flesh would normally desire to just leave....
That's when the real ministry happens.
I have experienced this some before, with my kids or when someone else I love is sick. But this was the first time where I was aware of the gifts that God has given me for mercy and compassion, and I was able to intentionally use them.
This time, I trusted Him to show me. I trusted him enough to wait on him (though it was kicking and screaming sometimes the last couple of weeks, as I waited... none too patiently) I look back on how I acted, and reacted to God, and the lack of trust and faith I showed....
I can only pray that I will remember how, yet again, God has come through and helped me, or helped someone I was praying for.
I can only thank God that He showed me that He gave me the gift of compassion, mercy, empathy and prayer. Now to trust Him to work through me in those areas, in HIS TIME, not my own.
I have seen what He can do when I am willing to follow His leading and how it turns out for good, not only for the person/people I am helping, but also for my own good. Now to trust Him enough to step out when He says to step out, and to wait when He says to wait.
Tomorrow is another step, another hurdle. Different than this one. But it is a chance to allow Him control and "do" it through me. I can't. But He can.
I will surrender myself to Him.
I will put all of my trust in Him.
There is no other way to walk through this life.
No other way that is bearable.
Have you found how to trust Him to work through you?
Especially work through your giftedness?
I would love to hear about it!