Thursday, December 3, 2009
Advent of Trust #2.... Leaning not on my own understanding
Another day, another day to trust.
After a long day at work, and a couple of meetings, phone calls and the like, I had more than enough opportunities to trust God.
"Trust in the Lord will all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
I have some opportunities to trust someone to take the lead in something. I have some opportunities to trust God to organize our women's retreat. I have some opportunities to trust God to heal a dear friend.
When I trust Him, I have to let go. Let go of the reins. Let go of control. Let go of the worry and anxiety.
God is in control.
Why can't I get that through my head?
To finally surrender and trust Him in all areas is extremely hard for me. I am plagued with worry and anxiety much of the time.
I fear that I won't measure up, either in others eyes, or in Gods (that's a whole other issue, because in myself I don't measure up, but in Christ I do....) But you get what I mean.
This has just been a long week, and my heart hurts for a friend. I know she is in pain, she is on a slow recovery process from surgery. I just keep praying for her and thinking about her all the time.
She is not only my dear friend, she is my sister in so many ways. She also is like a mentor to me. I go to her for advice so many times. There are so many things right now that I could use her advice on.
But because we haven't even been able to talk, and I know that she isn't up to talking... I have to rely on someone else.
I suppose the last couple of days, I have been leaning on my own understanding.
There is no one to talk to who can help "fix" what I perceive as my problems.
I have to trust in the Lord.
With. All. My. Heart.
As I have expressed, this is very hard for me. Maybe God is allowing me to the place of exhaustion to show me how much I have been trying to do on my own.
I have been doing fine in taking on the things I have... but if this exhaustion I am feeling today it God's way of showing me that some of these things aren't for me, then I suppose I have to trust him. My problem is trying to figure out if my reservations in certain areas is because it isn't a right decision, or if it is my own desire to "control" things.
I don't know.
So... its trusting in the Lord with all of my heart... and not leaning on my own reasoning of the situation. That's my job for today, I guess. All my understanding is worth nothing in the sight of God who can see everything and work everything together for good.
How are you going to trust Him today? Is there a specific area?
PS I will be posting a bit later today, as well, to "catch up" so that I am up to date and can keep up with all my posts for this month! :)