Monday, January 28, 2008

Emotions and such...

Well, I am not really sure how to write this, or what I am going through right now. I really just don’t know what to put down in here, and what not to. Most of the details everyone doesn’t need to know. Let’s just leave it at this: I have been struggling with depression on and off for about 10 years. The last few years it has been getting worse. I finally have started on medication, and have been seeing a counselor. She has really been helping me face some of the major issues from my past that have really affected me and how I live today.

Last Friday, we were working through some things. And as I tried to explain them to my counselor, neither of us could quite figure out where the feelings were coming from, or even what they were. When I got home, I started processing (like I always do) and started to realize what was behind the emotional wall that I just couldn’t get through or face, while in my counselor’s office. As I did, I have started to get more anxious and afraid of my own thoughts. They have been pretty dark. Now, the medication has kept me OK, and able to function, but I just don’t want to face these emotions alone. Even if God is with me all the time, I just don’t even know how, especially when they are so negative. So, I called my counselor’s office today and was able to get in for an appointment tomorrow morning. I thank God that she is also a Christian and relies on God’s guidance and wisdom in helping me.

I guess the biggest thing would be to pray for me that I would be able to stay open and honest with her, and be able to work through things enough for me to feel more stable, and more at peace.

God, give my counselor and I both wisdom to know Your will for me, and discernment into the emotions and thoughts I have been dealing with. And God give me the ability to get beyond this barrier that I am up against so that I can become more free in You.

Amen and Amen!

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