I have to keep this short, as it is late, and I need to head to bed. But I just wanted to let you know that our God does answer prayers. I have been praying for 2 years that He would help me and heal me, particularly emotionally. I told our community group that just in the last week, even as I despaired of ever hearing an answer, I finally started to see the beginning of the beginning of the answer. Its just one tiny inch down the road to recovery… but it is there.
Sunday I had to sing for worship team up in front of the whole congregation. I have been doing this for years now. It is pretty easy for me to get up there, sing a song pretty much by rote and just get through it. I was up there singing on New Years Eve. When I got done, a gentleman in the congregation who acts like a father to me, came up and gave me a hug and said I seemed so distant and disconnected, and in a world of hurt. I agreed with him, but was unable to explain. This week as I walked up there, I didn’t feel much different… just get up there and sing. Well, as I started to sing, God just lifted me above all the pain, hurt, depression, junk, and weight I have been carrying around. My only focus was on God. He lifted my head, He took me beyond my capabilities, and just surrounded me with His presence. I almost could have cried for joy. I was able to worship Him freely, my heart was bowed down before him in awe as my hands were raised in joy of being able to do even that. God did it through me. After the service, again my friend came up to me and put his arm around me and gave me a huge hug, and said to me, “You were beautiful up there. Just beautiful!” And I knew he didn’t mean the outside. We talked tonight, and he said that he could see the change in me. And for a moment that morning, I say hope.
I don’t know if it has to do with the counseling I received earlier in the week. That helped me start to see that I am lovable, and likable and smiled upon by God. And I think it is starting to sink in a little bit. Please keep praying for me that it will continue, that God will continue to lead me and guide me and hold me and heal me and keep me safe through this growing process.