Thursday, January 17, 2008

Snowfall Reflections...

I am sitting here looking out at the snow falling so gently down. It is a picture perfect postcard day. The snow is covering everything, making the old dirty snow piles clean and new, covering the little footprints my kids made in the snow.

It reminds me of something God showed me yesterday. Through some counseling I have been doing, God gave me a very vivid picture in my mind’s eye of what grace and mercy are really about. And what sacrifice really is. My counselor was helping me process through an incident in my past. As we were doing that, God met me there and showed me that even in the worst situation, the most pain, the biggest hurt, the largest sin, He still loves me. He sees me through rose colored glasses… glasses colored red by Christ’s blood. I almost had this visual picture of being in this past situation, and seeing myself just being showered, drenched, completely covered in the blood of Christ. Even in the worst place, I am covered. I am able to come to God freely, because I am still covered, no matter where I am in my life, good or bad.
Psalm 139:7 “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?”
This counseling I have been doing since the beginning of November has been a learning process. About myself, about learning to trust, about realizing what an amazing, loving family God has placed me in through my church, about the courage it takes to face the pain in the past. I don’t see myself as someone courageous. I feel broken inside. And I want to be “fixed” so that I can be a good wife and mother.

The only way I can be “fixed” is, with God’s and my counselor’s help, to face my past, deal with it, and learn how to replace the lies I learned with the Truth of God’s word about me. As unpleasant as it sometimes can be, dealing with the past will free me up to be the woman God has created me to me. It will make me truly free for the future, and give me a better foothold and better grounding to face the hurts that will inevitably come my way in the future, and to help my family through those hurts as well.

It will free me to love others as I have been loved, comfort others with the same comfort I have myself received.

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