My story...

I ran across a blog post today that challenged me.

The writer shared that we all have a story, and need to know how to tell it.  That means we actually have to know what our story is.

Much of my story has poured out here on my blog.  I have written a lot over the years, though it has tapered off some in the last months.  But just because I have found more freedom in Christ, found more joy, found more of Jesus... well that doesn't mean that my story is done.

God has so much more for me (and you).  His redeeming love has rescued me from so much.  He is rescuing me.  Daily.  He will rescue me.

I don't get it.  His wild, irrational, redeeming love.  But I am so grateful, thankful, overjoyed, humbled.  He sings over us when we are unaware.  He constantly whispers truth about ourselves and about Him in our ears.  Sometimes it takes a lot to really hear what He is saying.

Oh God, help me hear and acknowledge and really believe what it is You are saying!

This post about becoming an expert at telling your story had a challenge at the end.

He asked, "In three sentences or less, what is your story?"

Here is what I came up with, after many drafts.

"Coming from a sheltered home-life, I succumbed silently to cruel bullying in school.  After finding Christ in college, terrible depression enslaved me using my poor choices and relationships.  Ready to die, God stopped me, setting my feet on the path of freedom, teaching me transparency and dependency on Him, giving me an impossible joy."

So, I am asking you.  What is your story?  Can you express it in three sentences or less?  Will you share it with me?

Advent of Trust #13; First trust

When was the first time you trusted Jesus?

I mean REALLY trusted Him?

Our pastor shared a story with us this Sunday.

He went out hunting a few times this week, on a piece of property he isn't that familiar with. But he knew that when he walked out from where he parked his car, he would get to a point in the path where he had to do was start walking due east and he would land right at a huge pine tree, where his stand was.

He got up early, left his vehicle, made sure he had his compass in his pocket and his head lamp with him. He headed down the path and eventually got to the point where the path forked. He pulled out his compass, turned on the lamp and then realized he had a problem.

He didn't have his reading glasses with him.

He stood there for a long time, trying to decide which little letter on the dial was east and which was west. He tried to decipher the little illuminated markers around the dial... made his choice and started walking.

Pretty soon.... well you know what happened.

He came to a spot he had never seen before. There was this road cutting through the woods, probably an old fire trail. He walked up and down it for a few moments, his blood pressure rising. He could hear the sound of the highway, but couldn't quite tell where it was. It was cloudy so he couldn't get his bearings from the sun.

And there he stood. His frustration at himself rising,

He realized then, so this is what it feels like to be lost.

Then something happened.
An angel appeared.

Well, ok, not an angel per se, but another hunter in blaze orange walked out of the woods into the clearing. When our pastor explained what had happened, the other hunter pointed out that he had walked north east, not straight east. He pointed him back towards the southwest, and our pastor found his way home.

He knew where home was. He was lost, and needed someone to point him in the direction of home.

You see, he was raised in the church, so he never before really felt "lost" before, or the desperate need for a Savior, for someone to point him in the right direction, to show him the path.

He asked us to think back and remember, if we could, what it was like when we were lost. Did we realize our desperate state right away? Did it take a crisis to realize it?

I was walking along fine in the woods of high school, had a general idea of the path to go, into college, graduate with a music ed degree and then teach. As I reached the end of high school, graduated, and looked ahead to going into college, I still thought I could figure my way out.

I got into college and loved the courses I had, but was lost in the "woods" of people with no connection to anyone. I was completely alone, wasn't sure of my way anymore or if I was headed the right direction.

Then through some equally lost friends, inviting me to be part of a Christian musical, Jesus found me and pointed me in the right direction. I trusted Him to know the way better than I did. He led and I followed, knowing without being told much about Him right away, that He knew what He was talking about.

It didn't mean that the bumps were taken out of the path, or that the branches didn't grab at me or stumps and logs trip me up. But it did mean that I always have had a compass with which to take a good sighting and find the path again toward home.

As long as I trust my Compass, I will always go the right way.

So, what happened to make you realize you were lost in the woods? Are you still? Do you need to just trust that Person who has stepped out of the woods to show you the right direction to go?

May this be your first Advent of Trust, or may you renew your trust in a new, deeper way.

She obeys, He frees... She Speaks Part 8

I didn’t realize just how raw the story was, until I tried to figure out how to share it, how much to share, and how to fit it into just the intro of my talk.

Honestly, I was scared. It was one thing to share this specific story in writing, in general terms, on my blog, but it was completely different to do it in person, with more specifics…

So, there I was crying in the atrium of the hotel, trying to pray and surrender everything to God.

I finally was able to settle down and practice my talk, trying to time it and smooth things out. Just in time too, as I had to head upstairs to get together with everyone in my evaluation group.

I seem like I am skimming over so much. Everyone who spoke did so well. It was good for me to know that everyone was just as nervous as I was.

One amazing thing was how God really designed all of our talks. We all had different stories, different verses to talk on, different lives. But God designed each of our talks. We really all spoke about much of the same thing. How God has created us special, with our own unique talents and gifts and backgrounds. How much He loves every one of us.

God blessed my heart through each of my sisters there.

When I got up to give my talk, I was so scared. I was afraid to open up with the story....

(I know, I have been holding back what it was, because, well, though I have talked about it here on my blog as I was working through it in counseling... it's still hard to share)

......the story of how I was raped by a boyfriend in college......

I didn't go into detail. I couldn't. I didn't have much time to even fill out the story enough, or ease into it any.

It took all I had to follow God's prompting to share that story. It led so well into why I felt separated from God, and unable to receive His love, or believe that He could love me at all. The whole verses that I picked, that God gave me, were from Romans 8:35 and 37.

You know the part:

"Who shall separate us from the love of God? Shall trouble or hardship, or persecution or famine, or nakedness, danger or sword? No, in all these things were are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

It's a reminder for me, even today, right now, this very morning as I write this. No matter my past sins, the ways I fall and stumble along, God still loves me. He still looks on me with compassion and mercy. He lavishes His grace on me. Nothing can separate me.

Nothing, not even the nakedness I felt from the rape could ever separate me from God's love... even when I felt dirty, and lived with the lies that I wasn't worth anything more than being used by others.

After sharing, I finally felt such a relief.

Not just that I had shared my talk, but that I had followed God's prompting to share some of the hardest, most painful parts of my story, trusting Him to use it as He will.

I may have the opportunity to share my story, and/or a talk soon. Like in February as I am on a committee to plan a women's retreat for our church. We probably are going to use 3 people from our church family as the speakers, as we don't have a very big budget. It seems that all three of the speakers are on the committee right now. Funny how God works like that.

It may be harder to share my story, and any message God puts on my heart, with people who I will see all the time in church. However, God has put a burden on my heart for the women in our congregation that I see every Sunday. I wonder how many of them are living with secret depression, or secret shame and hurt and guilt... with burdens that they aren't supposed to be carrying... at least not alone, without others to help them.

All I know is I walked out of the speaker evaluation group with a new lightness in me.

The only way I can describe it is as if I finally got "permission" to really share my heart, and God's heart for women in pain and bondage. I had a release of sorts. From fear, from hesitancy, from resistance.

I walked into the dinner that night, in preparation for hearing Jennifer Rothschild speak in person. I had recently read through her "Self Talk, Soul Talk" book, and was doing her bible study, "Me, Myself and Lies." Both were incredible and I was greatly looking forward to what she had to say.

I didn't expect what she said, and how she shared her heart, to touch mine as much as it did. I couldn't explain it even now, though I will try...

God used her to speak right into my heart and life right where I was at....

(to be continued)

HE confirms, She learns... She Speaks Part 7

I was still afraid that I was making it up in my head. I was still afraid that I was taking something that could be too "sensational" and that it would distract from the rest of the message I really felt led to share.

Isn't it funny how God uses things like the next break out session to confirm exactly what He wanted you to do?

I walked into "Crafting a Noticed and Needed Message," by Karen Ehman.

Yup. That was the title.
Love how God does those things!

Now I had prayed through and picked these break out sessions well before I ever went to She Speaks. God orchestrated everything to be exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it.

I could probably write a book about what Karen shared. I will try not to! But as she talked it became very apparent that I had to share the story God wanted me to. One of the first things I wrote down was this quote.

You can do teaching couched in your own story that only you can tell.
I have the right to talk about my story.
In my stories I need to be real and honest.

Hmm.

God will always be stretching you in the area of your talk.

No wonder I found it so hard in the weeks leading up to She Speaks to believe that God had really called me there, and that I struggled so hard with feeling loved by Him, no matter what. My friend, Cindy had shared that was one of the things that she always found. She was stretched and challenged on the very things that she would be teaching on in a talk, the whole time she was preparing. I believed her, but had to be reminded frequently before my trip!!!

One of the big things I took away from there (among others) was that I need to be "stuffing my files." Remembering, noticing, writing down incidents, quotes, stories and making note of where I got them from. Create a folder on my computer to quickly type down something to remind myself and save it frequently.

Karen shared about five different areas to crafting a needed message.

1. Prepare. (stuffing files, praying)
2. Write.
3. Practice. (recording self regularly, using family and friends to practice on)
4. Deliver. (using silence, no vocal crutches)
5. Live. (don't just preach it, but live it)

All of those were so good, and I was able to use them right on the spot with my talk. But there was a problem. I wish I had this information well before I had crafted my 5 min. talk. I had no time to completely rewrite it and make if flow better. I wanted to use all the things she talked about in the "writing" portion and incorporate them into my talk.

I just had to let that go.

One of the things she challenged us to do within the next week of leaving She Speaks, I have yet to do.

It's on my "list!"

First I need to pray about it, but then name 2-3 areas that I feel God is calling me to speak on. I have to pick an example/illustration from life, one from an outside source, and then pick one passage of scripture... for each of those areas. After that, I need to craft the skeleton of those talks.

That is definitely something I want to do. I am slowly coming out of my exhaustion, but have been slow to pick up on life, and start doing the things around the house I want to.

I have been trying to mentally prepare myself for letting my son go. He is heading into the "big" elementary school this year, to kindergarten. He is looking forward to it. I am wondering how it is going to change our lives.

Hmm.
Maybe there is a talk in there somewhere.
Another thing to stuff in a file folder?

It's funny how the more I write about what I learned, and go over my notes again, I find it all applying to and weaving into my life around me now. It's strange and good at the same time. So rarely have I come back from a conference and been able to retain, and recognize how things I have learned there work into my "everyday" life.

When I went into my next session by Wendy Pope, “Teaching by the Book,” I learned even more about preparing a talk. She really went in depth about using the online resources available. She gave websites and everything. It’s amazing to me just how much there is out there.

I was like a kid in a candy store! I love studying and writing and researching. Finding all these different things, well, I can’t wait to use them!

There is so much Wendy talked about that I am going to use the next time I prepare a message. Again, I was disappointed that I couldn’t use some of the stuff she shared in preparation for my 5 min. talk.

Again, I had to let it go.

A few key things she said that I just saw in my notes.

You can never pray enough.
Pray for everything God lays on your heart.
Pray for passion for His message for the event.
Ask God to give you ears to hear and eyes to see.
God speaks in more places than you church.

After Wendy's break out session, I talked with Katie. She had to go to our room and finish up her talk, and practice. I had to do the same, so I told her she could have the room, and I found a secluded corner of the atrium in the hotel, and curled up with my bible, journal and talk.

I sat, praying, journaling, and finally crying (yes, again….) as I tried to prepare myself for sharing not only the 5 min. talk, but my heart and the story God had told me to share.

I didn’t realize just how raw the story was, until I tried to figure out how to share it, how much to share, and how to fit it into just the intro of my talk.

Honestly, I was scared. It was one thing to share this specific story in writing, in general terms, on my blog, but it was completely different to do it in person, with more specifics…

(to be continued)

She Ponders, She's Terrified... She Speaks Part 6

Then it was time to get up and start a new day. I was looking forward to all I would learn and the people I would meet, and the ways that God might speak to me this day....

I settled in Saturday morning, not distracted by worry or concern (yet) about my talk that evening for the speaker evaluation group.

I had been praying for God to give me one thing to take home from She Speaks, and felt like He had really given it to me the night before, through the prayer room. Not only had He healed in the past, but He HEALS now and in the future.

But I was still expectant to learn things from the speakers and sessions of the day. Little did I know that God was going to give me several more "one things" to take home with me!

Wendy Pope got up and spoke that morning about "What to do in the W.A.I.T." When we feel we have been given something, a dream beyond our horizons or abilities to bring to fruition, what happens next? She reminded us to not ask what happens next, but ask God what happens now. What's my everyday with him now? Do I have to give up my dreams? Sacrifice them for a season for someone else?

Hmm. Maybe. Maybe I do. I have to serve Him in my now, and give those dreams up. Not that I give them up, hopelessly, figuring I will never get them back... but give them into His hands.

His capable, nail-scarred hands. His hands that gave up dreams (humanly speaking) of being the Messiah, when He died. But His hands impart life to all of us now, because He gave up the dreams, His very life, as a sacrifice for someone else... for us.

His hands are more than capable of restoring those dreams to us, after we have faithfully served Him in the now. There is so much good in the waiting.

Work out our salvation
Accept the invitation to move
Invite others to be a part of your calling
Taste and see that the Lord is good.

Pray and follow hard after His leading in the now. Move ahead, even when it seems impossible, and way bigger than where you presently are. Open up your eyes to see who God has placed around you to come alongside, someone who "gets" your calling. Even if you feel like you are running away from your calling, because of circumstances around you (if you are sacrificing them for a time for someone else) know, intimately know that God is good... know it so much with your head and deeply with your heart, so much that you can almost taste Him.

After our opening general session, I went to Lysa's break out session on "The Power of a Story." There was so much good technical information there, and she shared so many stories and how she has used them. One statement she said really resonated with me.

"We need to be living lives that have stories."

As I thought about that phrase, I finished up the break out session and moved on to my next one.

Then I started hearing God. He was impressing something on me.

I ignored Him and went into my next session.

"Living lives that have stories."

I took notes during the next session, but my anxiety was building and it was extremely difficult to concentrate.

God kept after me the whole session.
I continued to ignore Him.

"Lives that have stories."

By the time that second breakout session was done, and we were heading into lunch, my stomach was in knots.

I knew what God wanted me to do.
I didn't want to do it!

"Stories."

I trembled at the strength of His voice. Fear was stretching its cold fingers around my heart. Panic had my hands sweating, and I felt like I had been running a marathon.

With all my effort, I pulled myself together enough to walk in the door, sit at the nearest table, at an empty place. I ate quickly. Then got up and left. I skipped the dessert and headed for my room.

I stopped, and tried to distract myself from God, by looking at the book table. But again I was looking at it with unseeing eyes, as I tried to argue with God. The more I argued in my head, the stronger His voice got. The stronger His voice got, the more fear invaded me.

I know the enemy was using that fear to try to drown out God.
But the Holy Spirit wasn't going to let that happen.

I finally headed up to my room. I headed straight for my bed, and threw my bag of stuff down on it. I sat at the end of the bed, just wanting to curl up in a ball and sleep. (It's an escape for me...) I slid off bed, sinking to the floor, wondering at what I was contemplating. I pulled out my 5 min. talk and read through it again.

I kept telling God, "No, I don't want to do this. My talk is fine. It's timed out. It's what it needs to be, and I don't want to change it!"

He listened, but was still firm that I needed to change it and start it with a story. That doesn't seem so big, but I knew which story He wanted me to put in.

I finally listened, and quickly wrote, in pencil, over the top of what I had already written and printed out. I wrote out the story that He wanted me to. I knew I had to keep it short, but had to really share it well, so that others could grasp it without me going into too much detail.

It was painful, it was dramatic, and it definitely impacted how I viewed God's love for me. It tied in directly with my talk through Romans 8:35 and 37.

I left my room shaking, and headed for my break out session. I was scared. I mean, not just anxious or slightly panicky. Scared. Stiff. I wanted to be transparent with my story, and I was the night before. But to share this? To give details? To try to weave it in, when I had no time to really practice it, pray it through, anything? Oh, I was terrified. This felt way too exposed, too vulnerable.

I couldn't believe that God would want me to share this story. I referred to it when I originally wrote the talk at home, but didn't give details. Now God was really wanting me to spell it out? Really?

I was still afraid that I was making it up in my head. I was still afraid that I was taking something that could be too "sensational" and that it would distract from the rest of the message I really felt led to share.

Isn't it funny how God uses things like the next break out session to confirm exactly what He wanted you to do?

(to be continued...)

She Speaks and She Sleeps!! She Speaks Part 5

I headed towards Amy's room, hearing voices and laughter floating down the hall towards me. My steps quickened without my realization, as I came closer to where I knew God had placed me for that weekend...

I walked into the room and saw chairs arranged to face a music stand at the front of the room. I was greeted by Amy, and met Danielle for the first time. She and I had been corresponding the last couple of weeks. We had run across each other's blogs just before we found out that we were going to be in the same speaker evaluation group. How awesome is God?? I also saw Monica, who I met earlier that afternoon (was that really the same day??) on the shuttle ride from the airport. Katie came in shortly after me...

...and the room slowly filled with these women...
...these wonderful women of God...

...all on different roads...
...all different walks of life...
...all different stories...
...all the same amazing, awesome, God and Lover of our Souls...

Only God could have orchestrated each of the evaluation groups as He did that weekend. All the stories I heard, all the different types of people He put together, either from similar backgrounds or completely different... depending on what we all needed....

Amy Carroll was such a blessing. Her laughter and her understanding and compassion touched all of our hearts I think. She immediately put me at ease. So, though I was still nervous, I was able to settle in and relax in her presence. I praise God for her, because she was exactly the person our small group needed to lead us.

We were all relatively novice speakers. Some had been speaking before small groups, or in/around their churches. But from what I remember (and any ladies reading this please correct me!!!) none, did it very regularly.

It was a night of our telling of our stories to each other. Introducing ourselves some, where we were from, what our families were like, etc. And then we gave our testimonies. "Our Story" talks, 3 minutes in length. They were timed to give us an idea of how quickly things could go.

It was very good to get our feet wet, when we all were so hesitant and I think, truly nervous about how we would be received. I was blessed so much by everyone's story. It was amazing to hear the heartaches, the victories, the struggles, the sadness and the extreme joy that they all, we all, had tasted.

For me, it was so relieving to share my story, and to find only acceptance and love. I mean, I laid it all on the line with the first sentence.

"October, 2 years ago, found me in a hospital be, on a suicide watch. This wasn't exactly what I had anticipated when I became a believer."

Yes, I did start out that way. And no, I didn't hold anything back.

It wasn't the time or place. I had asked God to show me what to say, to give me the words, to change things at the last minute if He had to... and this is what He wanted me to say that night. To share some of how I had become a believer, but also some of what I had gone through the past few years. So, how could I hold anything back.

When I walked into that room, my tiredness had melted away. Probably because of the adrenalin kicking in.

Needless to say, after meeting all these beautiful women, and starting to share my heart with them, and starting to see the bonds we shared with each other.... I WAS WIPED OUT!

I got back to my room and dumped my stuff, and in the process, realized there was a blogger meet and greet going on downstairs.

I headed down there briefly, and caught the end of it. The main reason I went down though was to catch up with Lee and see how her night had been. We got the chance to talk some, and I got to meet Susan (a.k.a Runner Mom).

Then the fatigue set in. It wasn't even tiredness, it was beyond exhaustion.

I don't think I was even intelligible by the time I got to my room. I remember vaguely talking to Katie. I think. I got my clothes ready for the morning (I think) and headed to bed. I was asleep so quickly, and so soundly, I never heard Katie working on her 5 min. talk in the other bed, never heard her shut off the light... nothing.

Not until the alarm went off in the morning to get me up....

Then it was time to get up and start a new day. I was looking forward to all I would learn and the people I would meet, and the ways that God might speak to me this day....

(to be continued)

Against this granite...

This past week I received an email of encouragement. A friend said that he believes in his spirit that I am facing some really impossible circumstances.

He sent me a visual.

That rock there may look small, but it is granite. There is absolutely no way that I can even wiggle it.

That rock.

That impossible circumstance

no way of getting over it, around it, through it.

Pounded.

I feel bruised and broken.
Bashing myself again and again against this granite boulder.

Impossible. Immovable.

The granite stands firm against my all.

There is a way through, though it is unseen by me.

There is always a way through.
Created by God, needed by me.

Unseen until I search.


Unseen until I stoop down, and look closely.

Still an impossible situation.
Still a granite boulder that I cannot move.

But God.

My Jesus has provided a way through even this circumstance
this pain
this ache in my heart.

I haven't yet found the way through
or have I?

With no eyes to see,
certainties waver,
confidence dims.

In that dimming,
disappointments abound.

Inability to communicate.

Unwillingness to listen.

The wanting to share,
the fear of the pushing away

again

I'm hurt,
yet the yearning to be one, to be whole and complete
keeps me in this place,
brings me to my knees in the unknowing

The unknowing of the future
the wanting to know

the longing
for His path through
and His purification in the process,

painful though it may be.


Proverbs 18:10
"The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe."

Conversations with a 4 year old...

Today was one of those days.

One of those days where I was feeling sick when I got up. (Though whether it is allergies or a cold, I just don’t know.) The kids were good this morning. I took them out for a walk/bike ride after lunch. It took all that was in me to get them out there. Just the effort of getting myself ready (and out of my pj’s) was almost more than I could do. But we took our walk and spent some time at the park. Then we all came home and took naps.

One of the very fun things about nap time that I really enjoy. We either pile on the bed, or the couch depending on their mood, and read books. I get snuggled and hugged from both sides, and get to read books to the kids. It is so much fun to have that time with them, and they love reading.

After I settle down Marina in their room, I meet Peter on my bed. Today we snuggled a bit together, and then I’m not sure who fell asleep first. I think it might have been me, in mid-prayer.

Tonight, when supper was done, Peter, Marina and I headed down to see Daddy as he worked on projects in the garage. After much playing with chalk and drawing on themselves, the driveway, the car, the new bike, and the opportunity for me to fold 2 loads of clothes (miracle in an of itself!!!) We got them inside for their bath time.

Then came the snuggle where we watched a little TV, then Peter wanted to watch Animal Cops, on Animal Planet, after Rina was in bed. For some reason, he really likes to see the animals as they are brought in to be taken care of and helped by the vets. He has a tender heart towards animals, even all the ones that his Grandpa catches at the farm and then eventually releases back to the wild.

Then Peter and I snuggled on my bed again to read, pray, and cuddle before he went to his own bed in their room. In the dark, as we lay there, he started asking me questions about God.

You know how 4 year olds can be.

The questions can get quite interesting, and sometimes really hard to answer.
Things like:

How big is God?

Does He come in and out of my tummy (heart) to make the stars?

If He is so big that He can be everywhere, why can’t I see Him?

God came out of Barbara’s tummy. When I questioned him about that one, he said that Barbara died (a great aunt) and so God came out of her tummy.

At one point in the conversation, especially when he was trying to understand how big God was, and how He could know all our thoughts, all at the same time, I remembered Psalm 139.

I still have it memorized, so I told it to him as a story, simplifying the words so he would have a better chance of understanding… that God knows him and me, when we get up and lie down, when we go out to do something, and when we come in. God knows our thoughts and words before we even say them. If we try to run away from God we can’t. If we go up to heaven He is there. If we go to the very bottom of the earth, He is there… we can try to make a new home on the other side of the world, but still God is there. He made us in our mother’s tummy, so he knows all about us, even before we were born.

Peter lay with his head on my shoulder for a long time, just absorbing that.
I said to him, “that is pretty hard to understand, isn’t it?” He nodded. I told him that I don’t understand it all either. But I also told him that any time he had questions, he could ask me and I would try to give him the answers, and if I didn’t know them, I would find the answers and tell him.

I love that time of night when Peter settles down and wants to cuddle in the dark close to me, and when he feels free to open up and talk about the things that he has been thinking about.

They are such precious moments. I know these times with my children won’t last long. Helpful words from my counselor and another friend reminded me that my kids need me to be so involved in their lives. God has placed two people right in my own home that need outreach. They are my mission field. They are our mission field, for my husband and I.

It is such an awesome responsibility.

It is more than I could possibly handle without God helping me and giving me the answers, the guidance, the patience, the love required to guide these little people closer to Him. I can’t do this without giving up some of the things that I want to do, the selfishness that I am so prone to, and I don’t do this naturally. Only God can help me overcome that selfishness. Only Jesus can model to me what it means to be self-less, care for those around him, teach those closest to Him, have compassion for everyone He came into contact with. Yet, He still knew when He needed to take time to be on His own with His father, rest and refresh Himself for more ministry.

I have seen where I have taken too much advantage of Dave’s parents in having them take care of the kids so I can do what I want, without them around “bothering” me. That is the selfishness. The other extreme is taking care of them, to the exclusion of my husband, and the exclusion of the health of my marriage, and the exclusion of my own spiritual health.

So, I am trying (not always successfully) to spend a bit of time in the morning with a devotional journal. Then get on the computer, only when the kids are involved in playing with each other, or better yet, when they are asleep. Once everyone is in bed, like now, and the house is quiet, I can blog and journal on my own, without interruption, and spend some of that time I need for myself.

It’s a re-commitment to what I know I need to do, and have started and stopped over and over the past month or so. The devotional in the morning is easy, but the keeping away from the computer is much harder. I suppose that means, I should set myself some “screen time” limits, so that I spend more of my time with my family, rather than addicted to this computer, huh?

Time to start applying those things that I have been learning lately. As Lelia mentioned in a previous comment, time to chew over and meditate on each thing that I have learned so it becomes part of me, part of my life.

Again, one step at a time.

Step by Step.

Story from a friend...

Ok, so I am doing a lot of posts today. But thoughts keep coming to me. The following is a story a good friend and mentor told me, when I was in the midst of another battle between the truth and the lies…

There was a man who was a tour guide in the Holy Land. He would take the big tour buses around the country side, narrating as they went. Invariably they would at some point pass a flock of sheep. The tour guide would start telling the tourists how shepherds worked with their sheep. They would walk in front of the flock, talking, and because they had been raised with him, and knew him, they would follow that shepherd where ever he went.

One day, as the tour guide and a group of people were passing through the countryside, they noticed a flock of sheep and the tour guide launched into the same story. However someone pointed out that the shepherd wasn’t in front of the sheep, he was behind them with a switch, driving them ahead of him, and hitting them if they started to go the wrong way. The tour guide was so incensed with this, that he made the tour bus stop, and he got out to talk to the shepherd.

He yelled at him, “This isn’t the way a shepherd was supposed to guide his sheep. You are supposed to be out in front of them guiding and leading them, not driving them with a switch from behind!”

The man looked at the tour guide for a moment and then said,
“I am not the shepherd. I am the butcher.”

So, my question today is this. Are you feeling led in love, or driven in fear?