Today I read the daily devotion from Proverbs 31 ministries. One of the questions of application asked if there have been areas of weakness that have paralyzed me. I immediately knew that there were two FEAR and DEPRESSION. I think I have been holding these as a banner and as my identity, and they have really interfered in my walk with God. I have been yelling at Him for allowing these things in my life. I have allowed them to paralyze some of my other relationships in my life as well.
It is a struggle even now as I write this, because I still feel overwhelmed by them. It is hard going into this Easter season, because part of me resonates with the hope the season reminds us of. Of Christ dying and rising again so that we can live with Him forever. At the same time, another part of me doesn’t even see that hope in my life. How can I still feel that? How can I be so split right down the middle? Part of me is thrilled with the hope of the future with God, and part of me is not even able to see the light at the end of the tunnel!
The devotional talked about our letting God use our weaknesses and loneliness to help others in similar circumstances. And I guess that is what my whole blog is about. Trying to be transparent enough with my struggles, even when I don’t “feel” what I know to be true, that others going through the same things, or similar things, or similar feelings, will be able to see that they are not alone.
That is what this blogging community has done for me. Shown me that I am not alone. So many of the people I have linked to on my blog have shown me true love, have shown me that I am not alone; even when I feel like it… even when I feel abandoned even by God. They have emailed me and encouraged me to keep on, they have left comments on my posts to lift me up, they have prayed for me. And I intend to do the same. I will say to God “Use me, use my weaknesses to help others.” I want to be transparent, to be open, to be vulnerable, so that in some way God will use my hurts to help heal others.
If I am transparent in my struggles and failures, I will be transparent in my successes as well, and they really won’t be my successes, but rather, God’s, and He will get all the glory. If I put up the front that everything is fine because “I am saved” and that “everything is perfect now,” no one will see the truth. Like Lysa said on her blog today, whether you have built on the sand or the rock, the storm still hit both houses. (see her post here to get the full story) If people can see, that even though I have Christ in my life, I still struggle, hopefully they will see that Christ gives me a supernatural strength to get through things I would have never been able to do otherwise.
Isn’t that what Easter is all about? Jesus was so transparent with His life. He showed that He had struggles, look at His struggle with saying “Father Your will be done,” in the Garden of Gethsemane. Yet, God used His Son’s hurts and wounds to heal the hurts and wounds of others… to show them Love and Compassion, and to build a bridge that they could walk across, so that they could live forever with Him. That bridge was the cross, carried by the beaten shoulders of His Son, bloodied and beautiful. We can walk across that crimson bridge to walk in the Light of Christ, because Christ said “Use me, Father to save your people,” despite the pain He was in.
What seemed such weakness to the world, became a strong bridge of hope for all. May we all show that bridge of hope to those around us, even in our weakness.