Monday, February 4, 2008

Pain and a clean slate...

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)

This verse came up in my email devotional that I get each morning. The author wrote that even in the midst of the most horrific pain in her life (emotional pain), how could she ever doubt or forget the above truth.

Like I said in an earlier post, there are going to be good days and bad. Days of pain and days of hope. Today was one of pain… not only of low patience with the kids, and extreme tiredness, from not being able to sleep well last night, but also of physical pain. As I get stressed out, I tend to have back problems. My neck and upper shoulder on my left side have been really hurting ever since I got up this morning. They are still hurting even now, after pain medication, heating pads and anything else I can think of to relieve it. I even tried exercise (using the snow blower and shovel to clear the driveway tonight with the kids) but nothing seemed to help.

So this wasn’t such a good day. I talked with my mom today, and she suggested going outside with the kids to play in the snow, clear the driveway, anything to get us out of the house for a bit, because it sounded like we were all going stir crazy. She was right of course. We came in wet, cold and tired. But I am still wide awake. The other thing she suggested was to clean the house if I couldn’t sleep, at least then it would be productive time… I also may spend some time in prayer, just to try to keep me focused on something else.

I guess the pain never really goes away. We all have pain of some sort in our lives. We all are dealing with some sort of struggle, whether we admit it or not. The thing is, we need to determine how we are going to either get beyond the pain, through it, or live with it and make it bearable. One of my friends knows someone who has struggled with depression and chronic pain for many, many years. And somehow, she is joyful in all things, despite the physical and emotional pain. I am not there yet. I struggle with being happy when things are good. Sometimes I can’t see beyond the one thing immediately in front of me. I can’t focus on the kids, because really I am nowhere in the room with them even if I am physically there.
I fight through day by day, and try to not focus too far ahead of me. The pain is still there, the struggle is still there, even if others think that the crisis is over now. I am still slogging through the mire… the valley of the shadow of death… but I choose to fear no evil, for You Lord are with me. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever! That goodness and mercy… I may not feel that all the time… feelings don’t always reflect the truth of a situation. Sometimes I can’t remember that till the very end of the day, and I can’t change the way I have acted during that day. But God always gives us a new day to improve upon the previous one.

Praise Him for that! Praise Him for a new day with family and friends, and a clean slate to write on, and this time, maybe get a bit more correct… a bit more in His will.

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