Life is good, God is better!

Last year at this time, I was looking at my life, wondering how I was possibly going to get through the new year with no counseling. I had just finished with my counselor, and was scared I couldn't do it on my own.

I was right. I couldn't.
But God did.

There were many things that He helped me do this year.

He prompted me to sign up for the conference "She Speaks" through Proverbs 31 Ministries. I prepared my talks, I went, I made new friends, I spoke... I also learned a ton!

God got me involved in the leadership team that is helping plan our church's first women's retreat (coming in February).

He also gave me a part time job as the administrator for my church.

Those are 3 big things that I didn't think I would be doing any time soon. Looking into 2009 last year, I had no idea those things were on the horizon (though I did suspect that She Speaks was).

God has blessed me in so many ways this year. Though I haven't written as much as I did the first year, I am just finishing my second year of blogging. I still have been able to write, and not just "newsy" stuff, but heart stuff too.

He has given me friendships through my blog and through Facebook that I would have never thought possible.

He helped me work through and memorize 24 verses through the Siesta 1st and 15th Scripture Memory challenge through the LPM blog. Some of them are a bit fuzzy now.... but I still have them there, and I still had them as I needed them for the circumstances I faced.

He helped me get a solo in Wausau Lyric Choir last spring. Did a major healing in me through that concert alone. And then He asked me to step down from it this year. It has made me sad, but right now, I know it would be too much and I wouldn't be able to enjoy it.

I got to go, with several miracles on God's part, with a friend to the Living Proof Live event in Green Bay this year.

Jesus has led me through some life coaching with a dear friend.... and helped me walk with that same friend through some rough times of her own this fall and winter.

One thing that I didn't accomplish was getting finished with writing about She Speaks and all that I learned there. I kind of left you all hanging there... at Part 8 I think... when I was done with all my portion of the speaking, and going in to hear Jennifer Rothschild speak to us.

I guess I will have to finish up writing about She Speaks this coming year!


There is that familiar phrase that everyone uses (almost, it seems anyway) "Life is good." It's even its own clothing label now.

Life IS good....
Because GOD is good.

Whether the circumstances are good or not.... and they aren't always good...... God is in them. He is good. He loves each and every one of us so dearly.

And that is what makes life good.

Because even in the dark, in the light, and in the in-between God is there with us. He holds us, no matter how far away we push Him.... He stays there. With us.

Always.

Life is good....
.... but God is better!

May God bless you and yours this day and all the ones to come.
Love,

the end of a week, and the commissioning

I was sitting here tonight at the end of the night, ready to call it a day. I have looked around the house. Seen the mess resulting from the things I have done this week... and things I haven't done.

There have been late nights, little sleep, good intentions, some hard work, some accomplished, feeling that there is a lot more to accomplish (with not enough time). There have been good choices and bad ones. Some temptations withstood, some - well, not so much. There have been fights and anger to break up, tired kids to deal with, meals to think up... and many things that fell through the cracks.

Hopes for time away, to spend alone with God have fallen through as far as I can tell, and as far as I can plan on my own. But He knows better what I need, and where my attention and time would be best spent. So all I can do is grab what time I do have. Whether that is in the car driving somewhere, 10 minutes after I wake up, or the 10 minutes before bed, or the few moments I get alone in the bathroom, in the shower....

I know it isn't something likely to happen easily in the stage of life I am in; but what I wouldn't give to have a whole day... one whole day... to spend alone with God. No time constraints. No concerns about being home by a certain time, or guilt if I am gone too long. Somewhere I could sit and pray, sing and worship, or get flat on my face on the floor before God - sob and cry out to him as loud as I need to.

But God knows what I need. I keep saying that.
I have to.
Maybe that way I will get it drilled into my head and heart;
rather than resenting that I don't always get what I want.

I mean, for real...
I don't want to end up resenting the very gifts that God has given me. What does that say of me? What does that say of my relationship with my Father? What does that say of my trust in Jesus, or my faith in Him?

This growing and maturing thing really stinks sometimes. It's hard, it's painful, and "it's not fun in here" as a good friend of mine would say.

This stage of life I am maturing into is one of self sacrifice for others. Preferring others over self, and putting their needs and desires above my own wants. Trusting God to give what I need.

What is so hard about this is that I don't know where the line is between giving up "my stuff" to sacrifice for my family and still having an outlet and taking care of myself so that I will have something to give to my family.

Where is that line?

I suppose it is different for everyone, so I can't expect a pat answer. I just don't want to fall back into the old way of doing things where I completely forget about taking care of myself in the midst of being there for my family, doing everything I need to for them, and the extra things to help things run more smoothly (like looking for and getting a job, etc). I also don't want to seem (or be) unwilling to let go of "my" stuff, and place all my stuff and my wants and desires above my loved ones. I want them to know that they come first in my life... above all the things I could do, or other people I could be with, the activities and involvements.

I guess that was part of my dropping out of Wausau Lyric Choir. I felt like God was calling me to show my family that they are more important to me, and that I am willing to drop out of things that take away from the health of our family. That doesn't mean I won't go back (unless WLC has just been for this season, and God has something totally different for me).

I needed to show that I was willing to give up something I loved for someone else. I still have musical outlets and outside activities. It was a tearing up of roots though. It was painful. Still is.

God knows the desires of my heart, and the heart of my desires.
That's why I had to post the commissioning from the Living Proof Live Simulcast in Green Bay, WI. God keeps reminding me to delight myself in Him. He keeps reminding me that He delights in me.

So, for my sisters AND brothers who are reading this.... this is a reminder for me, and you to have faith in our Big God! Keep trusting. Keep doing the next right thing. Keep your eyes focused on Him. Even when it is scary and we can't see our next step, if we keep our eyes on Him, He will guide us through it all.

My Dear Sister (or brother!)

God has not overlooked you
He has not ignored you
He hears every petition
And intimately knows
The heart beneath it.

Give Him full access
To all your longings
Pray every single day
To become a person who delights in Him.

When it seems to disappear
Remember to check your JAW.

Are you jealous?
Are you angry?
Are you worried?

Roll it all on Jesus
He's strong enough to carry it
Big enough to handle it.

Trust God with all your heart.

Now leave this place
And go into the world
And do some GOOD.

No longer paralyzed....

I did it.

I took the plunge.

I am wavering on the edge no longer.

I made the decision, and then notified the people in the "need to know."
Now I can share here.

I have been in Wausau Lyric Choir the past 7 years. It has been an incredible experience for me. They sing sacred music, and are dedicated to making beautiful music together, that truly honors and glorifies God. The music we made together, the friendships I made there, the way God has spoken to me through the music, have sustained me, upheld me through some very difficult seasons in my life. (see this post as to how God used a song the Pilgrim's Hymn to help me and encouraging me)

I have been more than blessed to be a part of this incredible group.

I am extremely sad to be leaving.

I know that God has something for me, better than I could ever imagine.

But I am really crying and mourning the end of this season in my life. I hope to be back next fall, singing again... God willing.

But for now, I am thinking of the music we made together, and the wonderful feeling of the music and harmonies nearly transporting my heart and soul to the rafters of the church and beyond, last spring.

The joy of being able to sing to my Creator "Be thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart. Be all else but naught to me, save that thou art. Be though my best thought in the day and the night. Both waking and sleeping, thy Presence my light."

To finally stop focusing on me, and the struggles of the past years and allow God to do a major healing, in that concert alone, it was nothing short of a miracle. He opened me up to start daring to dream even more about what He could do with my abilities to write, speak and sing.

I don't know what that is yet, but maybe that is the reason behind having to get out of choir now. I need to make some room for what God has planned for me.