Something that really spoke to me today in church… coming out of our pastor’s sermon…
John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
1Pe 4:12-13 “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."
What better encouragement than the word of God. I am clinging to these verses. I don’t know if depression will ever cease for me. But Jesus told us about Himself, His Father, and His promises so that we would have peace in knowing that though we have troubles here, we are in Christ, and He has overcome the world… we can live in that authority and victory everyday… no matter our feelings.
I may suffer the painful trial of depression all my life. But I shouldn’t consider that strange, because Christ suffered. I can rejoice that I am participating in His sufferings, because that means that I am walking with Him. And OH when His glory is revealed… think of the joy on that day when He wipes away all our tears!
There is so much more that I could share here… but let these verses soak into you and see what God speaks to you through them.
Showing posts with label 1 and 2 Peter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1 and 2 Peter. Show all posts
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Under attack and standing firm...
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I feel like God is telling me that this year is going to be one of learning, growth, and yes, some struggling.
I think there is going to be a lot of struggling and maybe even suffering. It is something that I am not necessarily looking forward to, but there it is. That is part of what comes with being a Christian.
I know that the enemy doesn’t like it when we start focusing on God, and trying to grow closer to Him. I have already found myself under attack in a few different ways.
On Sunday our pastor talked about suffering and fears out of 1 Peter 3:13-17.
“Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened. But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give and answer to everyone who asks you do give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ my be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good that for doing evil.”
Our pastor talked about how, for the most part, we aren’t persecuted for our faith the way the Christians were that Peter was writing to. But the biggest thing that non-believers have a problem with, is why do good people suffer… why does God allow that?
Those are questions we can’t answer. We don’t have the answer, and maybe we never will. But we take each step, day by day, saying “yes” to God, and trusting Him.
It isn’t easy.
Because the verses say not to be frightened. That is difficult, because as we seek to follow God, we get hit with many fears. What will happen if….. ? What if….. ? God, I can’t handle it if….. you fill in the blanks.
This was a hard sermon for me.
I feel like God is calling me to go deeper with Him as He prepares me for something. I don’t know what that something might be. I have no clue. I just know I have the desire to share with others the miracle God has worked in my life and the freedom I have experienced.
One thing I do know. The enemy doesn’t want that news spread.
And he wants to gain me back as his captive.
He has been trying.
Through fear.
A lot of fear.
As I listened to the sermon I heard several things.
“If there is suffering in your life, it may not be because you are doing something wrong, but because you are doing something right.”
“Suffering sets us free from other God’s in our lives.”
“God is the most glorified in you when you are the most satisfied in Him in the midst of significant loss and pain.”
What if you have a huge fear… that you lose a family member, a child or a spouse. And then you find yourself in the midst of the very situation you fear. That fear becomes a reality. You can discover that in the midst of that heartache and pain, the devastation, that God is right there with you, walking with you, and He is sufficient. He is enough.
There were 2 questions that were asked at the end of the sermon.
1. What have you heard today from God?
My answer: “Has God asked me to release something so that I can enjoy Christ to a greater degree as Lord?”
2. In obedience to You as my Master I will….
My answer: “I will continue to follow deeper into You, even if I feel like I am losing some significant relationships in my life.”
My answers, especially to #2 were made with much fear and trembling. I felt like I was going to come unglued. I asked God to speak to me just before the sermon. Well, He did.
I managed to make it to the lobby of the church, and fell apart at I spoke out loud to Cindy a specific instance or two that I was afraid of. The fear of following God in spite of that stuff really was shaking me. I turned my back on the lobby as I started to cry… and fall apart. Cindy gave me a fierce hug with her free arm, and literally was almost holding me up as I collapsed sobbing onto her shoulder.
I was finally able to compose myself and get through the rest of church.
I got home, changed and went to the coffee shop.
Once there, I found a quiet, private corner, turned on some praise music. Then I proceeded to cry on and off all afternoon, begging God not to let my fears come to pass. Over and over, I heard:
“My child, I will be enough, even if it does come to pass. Do you trust me in that?”
“My daughter, some things may be stripped away. Will your heart still choose to bless my name?”
I came to the end of that day, with my head pounding, my eyes sore and puffy, exhausted.
But I came with a decision. One that I guess I had already made, but all the fears associated were now hitting me.
I have to follow God wherever He is leading. I need to say “yes” to Him. I need to get to know Him better. I need to spend more time in His word, talking to Him, listening to Him, sharing my life with Him. I need to become better armed to fight the enemy, and more able to hear his subtle lies.
I think I was under major spiritual attack on Sunday to be so overwhelmed by those fears. I am still concerned, but not as fearful as before. Remember, I am not to be frightened but in my heart set apart Christ as Lord. I need to fear God above anything else and then I will be able to keep all the other fears in their place.
I found myself under attack today. Not with fear, but with blatant, outright, horrible thoughts. Just thoughts that were so obviously planted by the enemy that I was able to immediately turn my back on them.
I talked with Cindy today, and she said that she experienced the same type of thing.
It isn’t just me. It is any of us who are determined to seek God, and make Him our all in all this year, and for all our lives, no matter what situations or sufferings or tribulations we may find ourselves in. We are all going to find that the enemy is going to try to attack us at any and every turn. He is going to attempt to get us to give up and give in. He is going to try to get us to believe lies about ourselves and about God.
So let us all follow Peter’s advice.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety [I would add in fear!!] on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”
1 Peter 5:6-11
I think there is going to be a lot of struggling and maybe even suffering. It is something that I am not necessarily looking forward to, but there it is. That is part of what comes with being a Christian.
I know that the enemy doesn’t like it when we start focusing on God, and trying to grow closer to Him. I have already found myself under attack in a few different ways.
On Sunday our pastor talked about suffering and fears out of 1 Peter 3:13-17.
“Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened. But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give and answer to everyone who asks you do give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ my be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good that for doing evil.”
Our pastor talked about how, for the most part, we aren’t persecuted for our faith the way the Christians were that Peter was writing to. But the biggest thing that non-believers have a problem with, is why do good people suffer… why does God allow that?
Those are questions we can’t answer. We don’t have the answer, and maybe we never will. But we take each step, day by day, saying “yes” to God, and trusting Him.
It isn’t easy.
Because the verses say not to be frightened. That is difficult, because as we seek to follow God, we get hit with many fears. What will happen if….. ? What if….. ? God, I can’t handle it if….. you fill in the blanks.
This was a hard sermon for me.
I feel like God is calling me to go deeper with Him as He prepares me for something. I don’t know what that something might be. I have no clue. I just know I have the desire to share with others the miracle God has worked in my life and the freedom I have experienced.
One thing I do know. The enemy doesn’t want that news spread.
And he wants to gain me back as his captive.
He has been trying.
Through fear.
A lot of fear.
As I listened to the sermon I heard several things.
“If there is suffering in your life, it may not be because you are doing something wrong, but because you are doing something right.”
“Suffering sets us free from other God’s in our lives.”
“God is the most glorified in you when you are the most satisfied in Him in the midst of significant loss and pain.”
What if you have a huge fear… that you lose a family member, a child or a spouse. And then you find yourself in the midst of the very situation you fear. That fear becomes a reality. You can discover that in the midst of that heartache and pain, the devastation, that God is right there with you, walking with you, and He is sufficient. He is enough.
There were 2 questions that were asked at the end of the sermon.
1. What have you heard today from God?
My answer: “Has God asked me to release something so that I can enjoy Christ to a greater degree as Lord?”
2. In obedience to You as my Master I will….
My answer: “I will continue to follow deeper into You, even if I feel like I am losing some significant relationships in my life.”
My answers, especially to #2 were made with much fear and trembling. I felt like I was going to come unglued. I asked God to speak to me just before the sermon. Well, He did.
I managed to make it to the lobby of the church, and fell apart at I spoke out loud to Cindy a specific instance or two that I was afraid of. The fear of following God in spite of that stuff really was shaking me. I turned my back on the lobby as I started to cry… and fall apart. Cindy gave me a fierce hug with her free arm, and literally was almost holding me up as I collapsed sobbing onto her shoulder.
I was finally able to compose myself and get through the rest of church.
I got home, changed and went to the coffee shop.
Once there, I found a quiet, private corner, turned on some praise music. Then I proceeded to cry on and off all afternoon, begging God not to let my fears come to pass. Over and over, I heard:
“My child, I will be enough, even if it does come to pass. Do you trust me in that?”
“My daughter, some things may be stripped away. Will your heart still choose to bless my name?”
I came to the end of that day, with my head pounding, my eyes sore and puffy, exhausted.
But I came with a decision. One that I guess I had already made, but all the fears associated were now hitting me.
I have to follow God wherever He is leading. I need to say “yes” to Him. I need to get to know Him better. I need to spend more time in His word, talking to Him, listening to Him, sharing my life with Him. I need to become better armed to fight the enemy, and more able to hear his subtle lies.
I think I was under major spiritual attack on Sunday to be so overwhelmed by those fears. I am still concerned, but not as fearful as before. Remember, I am not to be frightened but in my heart set apart Christ as Lord. I need to fear God above anything else and then I will be able to keep all the other fears in their place.
I found myself under attack today. Not with fear, but with blatant, outright, horrible thoughts. Just thoughts that were so obviously planted by the enemy that I was able to immediately turn my back on them.
I talked with Cindy today, and she said that she experienced the same type of thing.
It isn’t just me. It is any of us who are determined to seek God, and make Him our all in all this year, and for all our lives, no matter what situations or sufferings or tribulations we may find ourselves in. We are all going to find that the enemy is going to try to attack us at any and every turn. He is going to attempt to get us to give up and give in. He is going to try to get us to believe lies about ourselves and about God.
So let us all follow Peter’s advice.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety [I would add in fear!!] on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”
1 Peter 5:6-11
Thursday, January 8, 2009
1 Peter 3, submission and fear...
Note: There are exceptions to the blanket statement of “submitting to your husband.” I am in no way encouraging anyone to stay in an abusive situation, or to condemn someone who got out of a marriage or situation that was unhealthy. I am not wanting to condemn someone who has made mistakes in the past, or are coming out of any other circumstance that I can’t think of right now!
I am speaking directly to myself, in my own situation, and the way this past week’s sermon hit me. I pray that I have not left anyone feeling condemned, put down, or made to think that they have no choice if they are in a bad situation. My struggles are just that, my individual struggles. I am only speaking from my experiences and difficulties.
Please keep that in mind as you continue to read! Love you all…
*****************************
How do I describe the things that have been happening to me these past few days?
I am not sure if I can. But I will try.
I was very convicted by the sermon this Sunday at church. Our pastor has been working through 1 and 2 Peter. This week, he embarked, with great trepidation, on trying to speak to all of us out of 1 Peter 3… you know the part… wives submit to your husbands…
He said that he would have felt much more comfortable having his wife or another woman speak to the women in the church on this subject of submitting to their husbands. There were things that he didn’t address, which was good I think, because he didn’t want to stir up controversy, but he really wanted to encourage us. (He also spoke to the men with their part of those verses, but that is a completely different topic!!!)
Several of the things that jumped out at me was the reminder that our true beauty comes from a gentle and quiet spirit… from the internal things God is doing in our lives. He said that the passage about our beauty doesn’t come from fine clothes, jewelry, braided hair wasn’t so much about how we were to dress, but more about the reminder that those things are ok, as long as we know, and are convinced that our inward beauty is so much more important.
If we are ugly and contentious, bitter and nagging, criticizing and degrading, it shows through to our outward appearance, in the way we handle ourselves, our expressions, our attitudes, and the words that proceed from our mouths.
He also addressed the biggest thing that causes problems for us, when we are told to submit to our husbands.
Fear.
It is so hard to submit because in Genesis it talks about how the woman’s desire will be for her husband and he will rule over her (Gen. 3:16).
Truth be told here. How many of us are afraid to submit, because then we will be out of control? The situations we most fear are the ones we try to control the most. We try to control and manipulate our husbands into doing the things we think are right, rather than submitting to them and allowing them to take real leadership in our homes, and the subsequent responsibility and accountability to God that requires.
I know I have.
I know I still do.
I respect my husband. He has a hard job, yet he does it well, and with pride. He loves working as a nurse on the oncology unit at the hospital, even though it is very hard on him when they lose a patient. He connects well with the families and patients. And he typically comes home very tired and drained (he is an introvert which makes the job doubly hard on him, being with people all day).
That’s when the kids and I start in on him, all of us wanting his attention. No wonder he retreats to the computer to get away from “people” for a while… even if the computer is in the same room, he can tune us out.
And I know in those situations there have been times where I have been disrespectful, and not able to support him or give him what he needs.
Our pastor said that we need to understand, and truly empower, encourage and lift up our husbands. That they need us. He also told us that there was no way we can know how to do that unless we ASK them. Yup. Dialogue about it.
He said that we would be daughters of Sarah if we did what was right and didn’t give way to fear.
Fear.
It can really be our biggest trap. As I said before, we lose that control, in whatever area we think we need it, and we become extremely fearful, and start acting based on that fear. And then find ourselves not submitting, and out from under the will of God and the covering of our husbands.
As we went into our community groups (Sunday school) to discuss the sermon, I started having a panic attack. It was all I could do to sit there next to my friend and listen. I could barely participate.
I could already hear God starting to work on me…
…and I was terrified!
I know the biggest issue for me right now was trusting that God is going to provide for our needs. I mean, I need to feel secure and taken care of. I hate the feeling of flying by the seat of my pants in the area of finances. I feel I am totally alone in that area of our lives, and that there is nothing I can do about it.
God has gotten me to the point where I am able to trust Him in a lot of other areas of my life. So now it is time to work on this one. His provision for me.
I spent some time with God on Monday night, walking through some techniques that my counselor has taught me over the past year. I felt like God clearly… incredibly clearly… spoke to me through scripture.
Scripture dealing with fear.
Scripture dealing with my feelings of helplessness.
Scripture dealing with my feelings of hopelessness.
Scriptures to remind me that He has not given me a spirit of fear.
Scriptures to remind me that He is my strength every morning.
Scriptures to remind me that He is my salvation and hope.
I know that no matter what may come around the corner to surprise me, God knew it already. He took me through that processing the other night because He knew that another curve ball in the area of finances would hit me today, and He prepared me for it.
I am still struggling. But I know that He is in control. I am more at peace about it than I have been in a while.
I know it seems like submitting and my relationship to the finances has nothing to do with my relationship with my husband and submitting to him.
My insecurities in our financial situation, and my fear that God won’t provide, have made me very nagging, up tight. My fears have made me question everything that my husband has spent. I almost compulsively check our banking accounts on line. I have a fear of letting go of the control of the finances. It isn’t so much paying the bills. That Dave likes for me to do, because I enjoy numbers and he doesn’t as much. It is my attitude about it. The constant nagging and questioning and pushing him to do overtime. I am definitely not submitting to him here.
I am being pretty open and honest here because I would covet your prayers. I don’t even know what submitting to my husband in these areas will look like. But I have asked God to show me. I am trying to keep my eyes out for opportunities. It is a real struggle for me because I have a tendency towards controlling things so that I don’t get hurt. I feel like I can’t trust anyone else to take care of me, though I long for it, because they will let me down.
Now it may be true that people will let me down in the area of providing for me… and many others. But God doesn’t. He is my provider. I have to submit to my husband, work on living at peace with him, giving him a safe, peaceful place to come home to after work. I have to learn him better, and do things for him that empower and encourage him. And when he fails me, which will happen, I have to know and believe that God will take care of us both, and our whole family.
I can control me and my reactions, and my part of trusting God and my husband.
I can’t control anything else, situations or people.
I need to stop trying, and allow God to fill in the rest.
Submission. Not a word that has positive connotations in our culture. Not one that has a lot of positive associations in my own head. However, submitting to God hasn’t been as painful as I thought it would be. So learning to submit to my husband in everything, not just the areas I choose to, can only be rewarding, right?
Pray for me as I find myself learning new things, and as God continues to stretch and grow me.
I am speaking directly to myself, in my own situation, and the way this past week’s sermon hit me. I pray that I have not left anyone feeling condemned, put down, or made to think that they have no choice if they are in a bad situation. My struggles are just that, my individual struggles. I am only speaking from my experiences and difficulties.
Please keep that in mind as you continue to read! Love you all…
*****************************
How do I describe the things that have been happening to me these past few days?
I am not sure if I can. But I will try.
I was very convicted by the sermon this Sunday at church. Our pastor has been working through 1 and 2 Peter. This week, he embarked, with great trepidation, on trying to speak to all of us out of 1 Peter 3… you know the part… wives submit to your husbands…
He said that he would have felt much more comfortable having his wife or another woman speak to the women in the church on this subject of submitting to their husbands. There were things that he didn’t address, which was good I think, because he didn’t want to stir up controversy, but he really wanted to encourage us. (He also spoke to the men with their part of those verses, but that is a completely different topic!!!)
Several of the things that jumped out at me was the reminder that our true beauty comes from a gentle and quiet spirit… from the internal things God is doing in our lives. He said that the passage about our beauty doesn’t come from fine clothes, jewelry, braided hair wasn’t so much about how we were to dress, but more about the reminder that those things are ok, as long as we know, and are convinced that our inward beauty is so much more important.
If we are ugly and contentious, bitter and nagging, criticizing and degrading, it shows through to our outward appearance, in the way we handle ourselves, our expressions, our attitudes, and the words that proceed from our mouths.
He also addressed the biggest thing that causes problems for us, when we are told to submit to our husbands.
Fear.
It is so hard to submit because in Genesis it talks about how the woman’s desire will be for her husband and he will rule over her (Gen. 3:16).
Truth be told here. How many of us are afraid to submit, because then we will be out of control? The situations we most fear are the ones we try to control the most. We try to control and manipulate our husbands into doing the things we think are right, rather than submitting to them and allowing them to take real leadership in our homes, and the subsequent responsibility and accountability to God that requires.
I know I have.
I know I still do.
I respect my husband. He has a hard job, yet he does it well, and with pride. He loves working as a nurse on the oncology unit at the hospital, even though it is very hard on him when they lose a patient. He connects well with the families and patients. And he typically comes home very tired and drained (he is an introvert which makes the job doubly hard on him, being with people all day).
That’s when the kids and I start in on him, all of us wanting his attention. No wonder he retreats to the computer to get away from “people” for a while… even if the computer is in the same room, he can tune us out.
And I know in those situations there have been times where I have been disrespectful, and not able to support him or give him what he needs.
Our pastor said that we need to understand, and truly empower, encourage and lift up our husbands. That they need us. He also told us that there was no way we can know how to do that unless we ASK them. Yup. Dialogue about it.
He said that we would be daughters of Sarah if we did what was right and didn’t give way to fear.
Fear.
It can really be our biggest trap. As I said before, we lose that control, in whatever area we think we need it, and we become extremely fearful, and start acting based on that fear. And then find ourselves not submitting, and out from under the will of God and the covering of our husbands.
As we went into our community groups (Sunday school) to discuss the sermon, I started having a panic attack. It was all I could do to sit there next to my friend and listen. I could barely participate.
I could already hear God starting to work on me…
…and I was terrified!
I know the biggest issue for me right now was trusting that God is going to provide for our needs. I mean, I need to feel secure and taken care of. I hate the feeling of flying by the seat of my pants in the area of finances. I feel I am totally alone in that area of our lives, and that there is nothing I can do about it.
God has gotten me to the point where I am able to trust Him in a lot of other areas of my life. So now it is time to work on this one. His provision for me.
I spent some time with God on Monday night, walking through some techniques that my counselor has taught me over the past year. I felt like God clearly… incredibly clearly… spoke to me through scripture.
Scripture dealing with fear.
Scripture dealing with my feelings of helplessness.
Scripture dealing with my feelings of hopelessness.
Scriptures to remind me that He has not given me a spirit of fear.
Scriptures to remind me that He is my strength every morning.
Scriptures to remind me that He is my salvation and hope.
I know that no matter what may come around the corner to surprise me, God knew it already. He took me through that processing the other night because He knew that another curve ball in the area of finances would hit me today, and He prepared me for it.
I am still struggling. But I know that He is in control. I am more at peace about it than I have been in a while.
I know it seems like submitting and my relationship to the finances has nothing to do with my relationship with my husband and submitting to him.
My insecurities in our financial situation, and my fear that God won’t provide, have made me very nagging, up tight. My fears have made me question everything that my husband has spent. I almost compulsively check our banking accounts on line. I have a fear of letting go of the control of the finances. It isn’t so much paying the bills. That Dave likes for me to do, because I enjoy numbers and he doesn’t as much. It is my attitude about it. The constant nagging and questioning and pushing him to do overtime. I am definitely not submitting to him here.
I am being pretty open and honest here because I would covet your prayers. I don’t even know what submitting to my husband in these areas will look like. But I have asked God to show me. I am trying to keep my eyes out for opportunities. It is a real struggle for me because I have a tendency towards controlling things so that I don’t get hurt. I feel like I can’t trust anyone else to take care of me, though I long for it, because they will let me down.
Now it may be true that people will let me down in the area of providing for me… and many others. But God doesn’t. He is my provider. I have to submit to my husband, work on living at peace with him, giving him a safe, peaceful place to come home to after work. I have to learn him better, and do things for him that empower and encourage him. And when he fails me, which will happen, I have to know and believe that God will take care of us both, and our whole family.
I can control me and my reactions, and my part of trusting God and my husband.
I can’t control anything else, situations or people.
I need to stop trying, and allow God to fill in the rest.
Submission. Not a word that has positive connotations in our culture. Not one that has a lot of positive associations in my own head. However, submitting to God hasn’t been as painful as I thought it would be. So learning to submit to my husband in everything, not just the areas I choose to, can only be rewarding, right?
Pray for me as I find myself learning new things, and as God continues to stretch and grow me.
Monday, October 6, 2008
A couple of thoughts... standing firm...
“If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.”
Isaiah 7:9
I need to stand firm in my faith. I find that when I don’t, I end up falling. I end up giving in to despair, pain, hurt, depression. I wallow in self-pity, and darkness from the past rather than look at the present. My daughter playing next to my on my desk, my sweet son who loves his school so much that when faced with not going today, because we got up too late, MADE me take him, even if he walked in late (!!!), my family and the love and grace they show me, my friends and their faithful prayers for me, and so many more things than I could ever name.
I look at standing firm… I think that there is no way I can do that. I am struggling so much that the thought of trying to stand, much less stand firm, is too hard, and impossible to do. In that I think I might be right. It is impossible to do. In and of my own strength.
“Now it is God who makes both us and you to stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.”
2 Corinthians 1:21-22
How can I argue with that? God set me free, to be free and not in bondage to the fear and despair that I have had for so long. I have to focus the things that God has done for me. I have to see that He is the One who makes me to stand firm. It is hard to see all the time. I so easily get stuck in the “I have to do it on my own” mentality. It has been so hard to think otherwise. Because for so long I have done it on my own, and in my own strength. I can’t allow my thoughts to go back to those despairing thoughts, because I will lay down and give up.
I have felt a lot like giving up this week. The thought running through my head has been, “I am done. I can’t do this anymore. I am too tired. I don’t want to do anything but curl up under the covers and ignore the day.” I have felt like it is too hard. That I am not going to be able to stay the course. I have felt that I have never stayed the course in anything. I look back and my life and wonder how many times I have given up at something, when God has really wanted me to hang on and keep going. I wonder what would have happened if I had kept going. Those thoughts have plagued me this week, because I found the lies flooding in that I couldn’t keep going. That there was no point. I might be getting through one thing, but there was always something else to get through. Maybe if I just stopped now, stopped counseling, my meds, everything, then life would be easier, better for everyone around me… I wouldn’t have to keep having someone watch the kids for me during doctor and counseling appointments. I would just be able to focus on the kids and Dave and leave it at that.
But those are the feelings. I know that they and I wouldn’t be better off if I did that stuff. I would never be able to keep up, and I would end up crashing and burning, and I wouldn’t be able to raise my kids in good mental, emotional, spiritual health, and I wouldn’t be able to love and serve my husband, and I would end up turning from God in the end.
So that takes care of the feelings.
The thoughts are so much harder to battle. Because I know that the feelings I was having were based on thoughts that were all lies. I am still having some of those thoughts and feelings. I know they are lies. I don’t know what all the lies are yet.
But I do know that the closer I get to full freedom, and get stronger in the ability to recognize the lies and deceptions, the more the enemy is going to try to get me to give up, hold back, let go, lay down. I don’t want to give in and give the enemy the victory. Because only in Christ can I have victory. He is the winner already, and because I am in Christ and Christ is in me, I am victorious too.
So:
“Therefore (I will) put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes (and it will!!!), I will be able to stand my ground, and after I have done everything, to stand.”
Ephesians 6:13
And:
(I will) “stand firm in all the will of God, (and I will be) mature and fully assured.”
Colossians 4:12b
God will make me mature and fully assured, in Him, for He loves me, and works together everything for the good of those who love Him. In all these trials, griefs, and sorrows, I will greatly rejoice, because I know that they are proving my faith genuine, just like gold refined by fire.
Like Pastor Kim suggested this weekend, I am going to daily do the following.
I will set my hope fully on the grace to be giving me when Christ is revealed.
I will be holy in all I do, because He who called me is holy.
I will live in fear, (a reverent fear) of God, my Father and impartial Judge.
I will love others deeply from my heart.
(taken from 1 Peter 1)
These are some foundational principles for living in God’s will and way.
May God bless my intentions and enable me to follow them! I am heading in for counseling this afternoon, and I choose to go, because I know it’s what God wants me to do, to keep on the path of healing He has set me on.
Thank you all for your prayers, kind emails and comments. I love you all.
Isaiah 7:9
I need to stand firm in my faith. I find that when I don’t, I end up falling. I end up giving in to despair, pain, hurt, depression. I wallow in self-pity, and darkness from the past rather than look at the present. My daughter playing next to my on my desk, my sweet son who loves his school so much that when faced with not going today, because we got up too late, MADE me take him, even if he walked in late (!!!), my family and the love and grace they show me, my friends and their faithful prayers for me, and so many more things than I could ever name.
I look at standing firm… I think that there is no way I can do that. I am struggling so much that the thought of trying to stand, much less stand firm, is too hard, and impossible to do. In that I think I might be right. It is impossible to do. In and of my own strength.
“Now it is God who makes both us and you to stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.”
2 Corinthians 1:21-22
How can I argue with that? God set me free, to be free and not in bondage to the fear and despair that I have had for so long. I have to focus the things that God has done for me. I have to see that He is the One who makes me to stand firm. It is hard to see all the time. I so easily get stuck in the “I have to do it on my own” mentality. It has been so hard to think otherwise. Because for so long I have done it on my own, and in my own strength. I can’t allow my thoughts to go back to those despairing thoughts, because I will lay down and give up.
I have felt a lot like giving up this week. The thought running through my head has been, “I am done. I can’t do this anymore. I am too tired. I don’t want to do anything but curl up under the covers and ignore the day.” I have felt like it is too hard. That I am not going to be able to stay the course. I have felt that I have never stayed the course in anything. I look back and my life and wonder how many times I have given up at something, when God has really wanted me to hang on and keep going. I wonder what would have happened if I had kept going. Those thoughts have plagued me this week, because I found the lies flooding in that I couldn’t keep going. That there was no point. I might be getting through one thing, but there was always something else to get through. Maybe if I just stopped now, stopped counseling, my meds, everything, then life would be easier, better for everyone around me… I wouldn’t have to keep having someone watch the kids for me during doctor and counseling appointments. I would just be able to focus on the kids and Dave and leave it at that.
But those are the feelings. I know that they and I wouldn’t be better off if I did that stuff. I would never be able to keep up, and I would end up crashing and burning, and I wouldn’t be able to raise my kids in good mental, emotional, spiritual health, and I wouldn’t be able to love and serve my husband, and I would end up turning from God in the end.
So that takes care of the feelings.
The thoughts are so much harder to battle. Because I know that the feelings I was having were based on thoughts that were all lies. I am still having some of those thoughts and feelings. I know they are lies. I don’t know what all the lies are yet.
But I do know that the closer I get to full freedom, and get stronger in the ability to recognize the lies and deceptions, the more the enemy is going to try to get me to give up, hold back, let go, lay down. I don’t want to give in and give the enemy the victory. Because only in Christ can I have victory. He is the winner already, and because I am in Christ and Christ is in me, I am victorious too.
So:
“Therefore (I will) put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes (and it will!!!), I will be able to stand my ground, and after I have done everything, to stand.”
Ephesians 6:13
And:
(I will) “stand firm in all the will of God, (and I will be) mature and fully assured.”
Colossians 4:12b
God will make me mature and fully assured, in Him, for He loves me, and works together everything for the good of those who love Him. In all these trials, griefs, and sorrows, I will greatly rejoice, because I know that they are proving my faith genuine, just like gold refined by fire.
Like Pastor Kim suggested this weekend, I am going to daily do the following.
I will set my hope fully on the grace to be giving me when Christ is revealed.
I will be holy in all I do, because He who called me is holy.
I will live in fear, (a reverent fear) of God, my Father and impartial Judge.
I will love others deeply from my heart.
(taken from 1 Peter 1)
These are some foundational principles for living in God’s will and way.
May God bless my intentions and enable me to follow them! I am heading in for counseling this afternoon, and I choose to go, because I know it’s what God wants me to do, to keep on the path of healing He has set me on.
Thank you all for your prayers, kind emails and comments. I love you all.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
"Greatly Rejoice..." Part 2
I got home from church today, and re-read my post “Greatly Rejoice.”
I almost feel that I “jumped the gun” in writing that post. :) Only because our pastor focused on the same verses that hit me as I was reading 1 Peter.
“In these you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
1 Peter 1:6-7
He talked about how we should have exceeding joy in the things God has given us. Pastor Kim asked us what our source of gladness was. He said that it should be deeper that just being happy. He said that because we have had to suffer grief in all sorts of trials, we are to be exceedingly glad… even we are grieving, and extremely sad, we are to be joyful in the midst of our sadness.
He said that grief will come, but we don’t want to get stuck there in the self pity and grief and despair, because there is something more to live for.
These trials are for a LITTLE WHILE, a brief time here on earth, and we will have trouble in this life. But the praising that can come out of these trials is that we have hope in the inheritance God is holding for us in heaven.
Our faith is being proved.
My faith is being put to the test. My faith is undergoing the pressure, the intense heat of suffering through trials, to be purified. Is yours?
When I look back at my life and see the times that things have been going well, I can see that I was just cruising along. My faith in God was there, but I was free to do what I wanted, I could try to fill my desires with other things. I was really only concerned with myself. I am ashamed to admit it, but I was. When things started coming down on me, I really started struggling.
I wrestled with God. Yelled at Him. (Sometimes I still do!) I railed against the pain I was having to endure. I wasn’t really enduring very well. Hurt piled on top of hurt. Depression took me, and anxiety. Then thoughts from the past surfaced. The enemy weighed in with thoughts of despair and suicide. I was betrayed by people I loved. I struggled with temptation, in increasingly intense ways.
The world, the flesh, and the devil all seemed to come against me at once, and I was left dazed and unable to fight back, because my faith was only so deep. It wasn’t until I had some people weigh in on my side, stand in the gap for me, that I was able to even begin to fight. They prayed for me when I couldn’t. They lifted me and carried me, helped me along, until I could start to pray again, until I was able to turn to God on my own, until my faith started getting stronger. I had to strengthen my spiritual muscles to be able to start the process of walking in faith through the trials.
So many times I have wanted to sit down and give up. So many times I have been overcome with grief, unable to do anything other than curl up in a ball and sob… sometimes flat on my face before God.
Now I am learning that these terribly tough times I have gone through have had a purpose. I don’t fully know the purpose yet, other than I don’t know that I have had such a walk with God. I am learning that He is more than enough. In and through everything, God is enough. He has given me so much, promised so much, and He never lies, He never changes, He doesn’t betray, He doesn’t lure with false pretenses or false comfort. He IS comfort. He loves unfailingly. He never leaves me. He redeems. He calls me by my name. I am His.
I am not called to despair. I am called to hope. My hope is not dead. My hope is living… in a Living God. I am His bride. I am being built into His church. I am a part of His body.
I may be tempted to look at despair and the troubles, but there is something more.
I need to let go of my anger against God (for all the things I think He has done to me).
I need to let go of trying to fix the problems on my own.
I need to let go of trying to medicate the pain away, by any addictions or anything else.
I need to let go of wallowing in the despair.
I need to let go of my old ways of responding to difficulties.
I need to let go of the desire to run away or give up.
I need to let go of the identity I have gotten from depression and the world.
I want to grab on to the hope that is set before me, to pursue it.
I want to grab on to my Savior who loves me beyond imagining.
I want to grab on to the Word, the truth, that tells me where my hope lies.
I want to be a beacon of hope for others coming behind me.
I want to show that even in the midst of pain and trouble that God is still there, that He still loves us, that He understands, that He has gone through the trials and temptations, that He was wracked with grief and sorrow in trials too.
Somehow, as I am coming out of this, He is giving me a desire to minister. I don’t know what that will look like. I don’t know where He is drawing me. God is giving me a passion to help those who are hurting. Whether that is through speaking or writing, this blog, singing at church, further schooling to start some sort of career, I don’t know. I just know that He is still guiding me through the rest of the pain so that I am free. Free to be who my Jesus wants me to be. Free to be able to hear His voice. Free to deal with each day’s trouble as it comes, rather than getting swamped and overwhelmed.
All the things that I feel God has taken away through this purification process… all of the slag that was stuck in and around the gold… as long as I continue to cling to God and not curse Him, I know that God will bless me with even more than I had before. My faith will result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus is revealed at the end.
Just like Job. He suffered, lost everything but his life. But he never cursed God… he was even encouraged to curse God and die. He didn’t. He kept his faith, even when he questioned God. At the very end, Job was blessed over and above what he ever had before.
I am not clinging to the truth, and trying to work out my faith, because of the reward coming at the end. I have a reward here and now too. It is a deeper, stronger, more powerful relationship with Jesus than I have ever had before. I am looking at where I am at. I know that things are done here yet, and that there will be other trials.
But, oh Praise God, I can see how He is working through all this! So many have told me that He is working, but now I see it with my own eyes!
I almost feel that I “jumped the gun” in writing that post. :) Only because our pastor focused on the same verses that hit me as I was reading 1 Peter.
“In these you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
1 Peter 1:6-7
He talked about how we should have exceeding joy in the things God has given us. Pastor Kim asked us what our source of gladness was. He said that it should be deeper that just being happy. He said that because we have had to suffer grief in all sorts of trials, we are to be exceedingly glad… even we are grieving, and extremely sad, we are to be joyful in the midst of our sadness.
He said that grief will come, but we don’t want to get stuck there in the self pity and grief and despair, because there is something more to live for.
These trials are for a LITTLE WHILE, a brief time here on earth, and we will have trouble in this life. But the praising that can come out of these trials is that we have hope in the inheritance God is holding for us in heaven.
Our faith is being proved.
My faith is being put to the test. My faith is undergoing the pressure, the intense heat of suffering through trials, to be purified. Is yours?
When I look back at my life and see the times that things have been going well, I can see that I was just cruising along. My faith in God was there, but I was free to do what I wanted, I could try to fill my desires with other things. I was really only concerned with myself. I am ashamed to admit it, but I was. When things started coming down on me, I really started struggling.
I wrestled with God. Yelled at Him. (Sometimes I still do!) I railed against the pain I was having to endure. I wasn’t really enduring very well. Hurt piled on top of hurt. Depression took me, and anxiety. Then thoughts from the past surfaced. The enemy weighed in with thoughts of despair and suicide. I was betrayed by people I loved. I struggled with temptation, in increasingly intense ways.
The world, the flesh, and the devil all seemed to come against me at once, and I was left dazed and unable to fight back, because my faith was only so deep. It wasn’t until I had some people weigh in on my side, stand in the gap for me, that I was able to even begin to fight. They prayed for me when I couldn’t. They lifted me and carried me, helped me along, until I could start to pray again, until I was able to turn to God on my own, until my faith started getting stronger. I had to strengthen my spiritual muscles to be able to start the process of walking in faith through the trials.
So many times I have wanted to sit down and give up. So many times I have been overcome with grief, unable to do anything other than curl up in a ball and sob… sometimes flat on my face before God.
Now I am learning that these terribly tough times I have gone through have had a purpose. I don’t fully know the purpose yet, other than I don’t know that I have had such a walk with God. I am learning that He is more than enough. In and through everything, God is enough. He has given me so much, promised so much, and He never lies, He never changes, He doesn’t betray, He doesn’t lure with false pretenses or false comfort. He IS comfort. He loves unfailingly. He never leaves me. He redeems. He calls me by my name. I am His.
I am not called to despair. I am called to hope. My hope is not dead. My hope is living… in a Living God. I am His bride. I am being built into His church. I am a part of His body.
I may be tempted to look at despair and the troubles, but there is something more.
I need to let go of my anger against God (for all the things I think He has done to me).
I need to let go of trying to fix the problems on my own.
I need to let go of trying to medicate the pain away, by any addictions or anything else.
I need to let go of wallowing in the despair.
I need to let go of my old ways of responding to difficulties.
I need to let go of the desire to run away or give up.
I need to let go of the identity I have gotten from depression and the world.
*************
I want to grab on to the hope that is set before me, to pursue it.
I want to grab on to my Savior who loves me beyond imagining.
I want to grab on to the Word, the truth, that tells me where my hope lies.
I want to be a beacon of hope for others coming behind me.
I want to show that even in the midst of pain and trouble that God is still there, that He still loves us, that He understands, that He has gone through the trials and temptations, that He was wracked with grief and sorrow in trials too.
Somehow, as I am coming out of this, He is giving me a desire to minister. I don’t know what that will look like. I don’t know where He is drawing me. God is giving me a passion to help those who are hurting. Whether that is through speaking or writing, this blog, singing at church, further schooling to start some sort of career, I don’t know. I just know that He is still guiding me through the rest of the pain so that I am free. Free to be who my Jesus wants me to be. Free to be able to hear His voice. Free to deal with each day’s trouble as it comes, rather than getting swamped and overwhelmed.
All the things that I feel God has taken away through this purification process… all of the slag that was stuck in and around the gold… as long as I continue to cling to God and not curse Him, I know that God will bless me with even more than I had before. My faith will result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus is revealed at the end.
Just like Job. He suffered, lost everything but his life. But he never cursed God… he was even encouraged to curse God and die. He didn’t. He kept his faith, even when he questioned God. At the very end, Job was blessed over and above what he ever had before.
I am not clinging to the truth, and trying to work out my faith, because of the reward coming at the end. I have a reward here and now too. It is a deeper, stronger, more powerful relationship with Jesus than I have ever had before. I am looking at where I am at. I know that things are done here yet, and that there will be other trials.
But, oh Praise God, I can see how He is working through all this! So many have told me that He is working, but now I see it with my own eyes!
Oh my God! How can I thank you enough for all you have done. I confess that I have been so angry at you for allowing all this pain into my life. I have yelled at you, fought against you, and the pain, and tried to resist it, tried to drown the pain, tried to hide and run from it. I didn’t want to admit my anger at you. It scared me that I could be angry at you, and blame you for everything that happened, yet still believe that you loved me at the same time. I couldn’t live with that contradiction, so I hid my anger.
Thank you so much for understanding my anger and pain, and how that made me lash out at you. Thank you for exposing it, to that I could acknowledge it. Thank you for holding me close, even when I was fighting to get away from you, when I thought you were the one causing me all the hurt. Thank you so much for using that pain to drive me to people who could help me see the truth of who you are. Thank you for using this grief and trial to get me into your word like never before. Thank you for showing me the joy I can have in the suffering, and that my suffering does have a purpose…. Your refining fire at work in my life.
Please continue to refine my faith. Thank you that my light and momentary troubles are are achieving for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. I will fix my eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor. 4:17-18) Help me to see everything through your eyes, and show me your will for my life. Amen!
Friday, September 19, 2008
"Greatly Rejoice..." Part 1
This has been a long week. But a good one.
My pastor’s sermon this week was really good. He is working us through a sermon series on 1 and 2 Peter. He is in the first chapter of 1 Peter.
This past week he was talking about the things God has done for us just in the first few verses.
Peter first praised God then reminded us of the things that He has done:
• He showed us great mercy
• He gave us new birth
• into a living hope
• into an inheritance; one that will never perish, spoil or fade
• the inheritance is kept for us in heaven
Then Peter told us that through our faith, God shields us with His power. Can you believe that our faith in god activates His power to protect us? The same power that raised Christ from the dead, that power God uses to shield us, according to our faith in Him.
The other verses that hit me follow:
“In these you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
1 Peter 1:6-7
I can identify with having to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. I suppose if you have read my blog, you can tell the sufferings. I have talked about them so frequently. But the victories. I try to share them as well, but so many times I find myself focusing on my struggles, the things I am working through and trying to do. I end up not always showing what God is doing. I forget to “greatly rejoice.”
What am I supposed to “greatly rejoice” in? God’s mercy, the new birth I have been given, living hope, glorious inheritance, and even my faith.
This brings up a bit of a tangent. Forgive me as I pursue it.
So many times in my post I have ask a question like “Do I believe…? If I… then I HAVE TO.” Or like above I say, “I am supposed to…” I don’t HAVE to believe any thing. It is a free choice. I want to greatly rejoice in all these things God has done. It is hard. I get tired. I get frustrated. But at the same time I really want to keep this list of the things He has done for me in my head. I have pretty much memorized verses 3-9 out of the first chapter of Peter.
Every time I find myself starting to lose focus, to allow myself to look at things with the wrong focus, I don’t look at the things of my faith as a choice. I end up putting pressure on myself. I say that I have to believe, or I have to do, or I have to trust. God doesn’t force me to do anything. All He wants is to place the choice in front of me to trust Him or not. To love Him or not. It’s about my free will to choose. He doesn’t want robots who are programed to do the right thing. Because then they are doing those things because they are “forced” to, not out of love for their Father.
God has given me these things because He so wants a relationship with me. He wants a relationship with all of us. I want to always greatly rejoice in just that alone! He wants relationship! That isn’t something you can force with someone. Have you ever tried to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you? Or tried to talk with someone who wasn’t interested in even talking? It is really difficult and it hurts.
We are supposed to love God, greatly rejoice in all He has given us, have faith in Him, trust Him, etc. But that is our free choice to do so.
I am making the choice to greatly rejoice.
So, back to my original thought.
If I greatly rejoice in the things that God does for me, that He has done for me, it changes my focus from my problems, to His gifts and victories. Even when I am suffering grief in trials, I will still rejoice. Through these sufferings my faith is being proved genuine… refined by fire, just like gold.
I think that our faith is so precious to God, of such great worth, that He wants to refine it, purify it, help it to become more genuine, to gain strength so that it will bring praise, glory and honor when Jesus is revealed. Even one of the people coming to Jesus for healing for someone said “I believe Lord, help my unbelief.” He chose to believe, but needed God to strengthen his faith.
Through all the times I have gone through, I have been really growing. As hard and painful as it has been to process through the past hurts in my life, and allow myself to grieve through them, this process has strengthened my faith.
Even when I feel like I have been faltering and going backwards, God has shown me that He has been “proving my faith genuine.” He has given me a deeper faith, and greater trust in Him.
Now that is something to greatly rejoice in!
“Though you have not see Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”
1 Peter 1:8-9
I do love Him. I do believe in Him. In a deeper way than I ever have before. The more I think about what He has done, what He is doing, and what He is going to do in my life, the more I am filled with that joy. His joy. He is helping me to reach the goal, he has given me salvation, and is working it out in my life… the salvation of my soul.
I know there is more for me to work through right now. I know that I have to work through my anger at Him, but the process is started. I have to work through some other hurts in my life, but the process is started. I have to combat some more lies, but the process is started. I am saying “have to” here, because these are choices I have made. I have made the choice to continue in the healing process that God has started. I want to.
I want to see my faith grow, my trust grow, my hope grow.
All of this will happen as I continue to follow God through the trials.
I can say that I am grateful for the trials, because they will strengthen my faith and my trust in God. As they strengthen, I will be able to rejoice more and more. There will be more chances to “dance in the streets,” and bring praise and honor and glory to the only One worthy of it… my Jesus who has brought me through the fiery trials.
My pastor’s sermon this week was really good. He is working us through a sermon series on 1 and 2 Peter. He is in the first chapter of 1 Peter.
This past week he was talking about the things God has done for us just in the first few verses.
Peter first praised God then reminded us of the things that He has done:
• He showed us great mercy
• He gave us new birth
• into a living hope
• into an inheritance; one that will never perish, spoil or fade
• the inheritance is kept for us in heaven
Then Peter told us that through our faith, God shields us with His power. Can you believe that our faith in god activates His power to protect us? The same power that raised Christ from the dead, that power God uses to shield us, according to our faith in Him.
The other verses that hit me follow:
“In these you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
1 Peter 1:6-7
I can identify with having to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. I suppose if you have read my blog, you can tell the sufferings. I have talked about them so frequently. But the victories. I try to share them as well, but so many times I find myself focusing on my struggles, the things I am working through and trying to do. I end up not always showing what God is doing. I forget to “greatly rejoice.”
What am I supposed to “greatly rejoice” in? God’s mercy, the new birth I have been given, living hope, glorious inheritance, and even my faith.
This brings up a bit of a tangent. Forgive me as I pursue it.
So many times in my post I have ask a question like “Do I believe…? If I… then I HAVE TO.” Or like above I say, “I am supposed to…” I don’t HAVE to believe any thing. It is a free choice. I want to greatly rejoice in all these things God has done. It is hard. I get tired. I get frustrated. But at the same time I really want to keep this list of the things He has done for me in my head. I have pretty much memorized verses 3-9 out of the first chapter of Peter.
Every time I find myself starting to lose focus, to allow myself to look at things with the wrong focus, I don’t look at the things of my faith as a choice. I end up putting pressure on myself. I say that I have to believe, or I have to do, or I have to trust. God doesn’t force me to do anything. All He wants is to place the choice in front of me to trust Him or not. To love Him or not. It’s about my free will to choose. He doesn’t want robots who are programed to do the right thing. Because then they are doing those things because they are “forced” to, not out of love for their Father.
God has given me these things because He so wants a relationship with me. He wants a relationship with all of us. I want to always greatly rejoice in just that alone! He wants relationship! That isn’t something you can force with someone. Have you ever tried to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you? Or tried to talk with someone who wasn’t interested in even talking? It is really difficult and it hurts.
We are supposed to love God, greatly rejoice in all He has given us, have faith in Him, trust Him, etc. But that is our free choice to do so.
I am making the choice to greatly rejoice.
So, back to my original thought.
If I greatly rejoice in the things that God does for me, that He has done for me, it changes my focus from my problems, to His gifts and victories. Even when I am suffering grief in trials, I will still rejoice. Through these sufferings my faith is being proved genuine… refined by fire, just like gold.
I think that our faith is so precious to God, of such great worth, that He wants to refine it, purify it, help it to become more genuine, to gain strength so that it will bring praise, glory and honor when Jesus is revealed. Even one of the people coming to Jesus for healing for someone said “I believe Lord, help my unbelief.” He chose to believe, but needed God to strengthen his faith.
Through all the times I have gone through, I have been really growing. As hard and painful as it has been to process through the past hurts in my life, and allow myself to grieve through them, this process has strengthened my faith.
Even when I feel like I have been faltering and going backwards, God has shown me that He has been “proving my faith genuine.” He has given me a deeper faith, and greater trust in Him.
Now that is something to greatly rejoice in!
“Though you have not see Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”
1 Peter 1:8-9
I do love Him. I do believe in Him. In a deeper way than I ever have before. The more I think about what He has done, what He is doing, and what He is going to do in my life, the more I am filled with that joy. His joy. He is helping me to reach the goal, he has given me salvation, and is working it out in my life… the salvation of my soul.
I know there is more for me to work through right now. I know that I have to work through my anger at Him, but the process is started. I have to work through some other hurts in my life, but the process is started. I have to combat some more lies, but the process is started. I am saying “have to” here, because these are choices I have made. I have made the choice to continue in the healing process that God has started. I want to.
I want to see my faith grow, my trust grow, my hope grow.
All of this will happen as I continue to follow God through the trials.
I can say that I am grateful for the trials, because they will strengthen my faith and my trust in God. As they strengthen, I will be able to rejoice more and more. There will be more chances to “dance in the streets,” and bring praise and honor and glory to the only One worthy of it… my Jesus who has brought me through the fiery trials.
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