I am going to be seeing my doctor about 2 hours from now.
It's a normal appointment that I have about every 3-4 months now. It's a basic med check appointment to see how I am doing.
How am I doing?
I know I am going to have to answer that question from him.
I'm not even sure that I can answer that here - right now - much less at his office.
I have my good and bad days, just like anyone else.
My ups and downs.
I just feel like I am getting slammed - pounded - as Cindy said to me earlier this afternoon.
I have a day or two where the days seem almost normal. Then the anxiety builds and with it depression. Then I get in a string of days like that.
Days I have no energy.
Days I have no strength.
Days I just want to cry.
Days I don't want to get out of bed.
Days I can't manage to keep my thoughts straight.
Days I struggle to pray.
I still spend time with God, I still read His Word to me. I still journal my prayers and thoughts the best I can. I seek the prayers and counsel of a few close friends. And eventually I get a few hours here or there of relief, and finally maybe a day or two.
Then the cycle starts over.
I have to try to share this with my psychiatrist, and share some of the thoughts I have had from time to time.
I know that there are many stressors going on right now that can be helping in putting me over the edge.
Just seeing a close friend's husband dying of cancer and walking through it all with her would be enough, and there are other things as well!
I know some of you may not get this in time to pray for me during my specific appointment time, but please do pray. I could really use it.
I need wisdom to sort between lies and truth, and the ability to communicate clearly and honestly with my doctor. Depending on what he thinks, this appointment may result in my starting up with anti-depressants again.
I honestly don't know what to think about that. Part of me thinks its not necessary, that I am blowing things out of proportion, and another part of me doesn't.
Thanks so much,
On the road... walking with Jesus,