Saturday, June 14, 2008

Step by step...

One of the things that I have always loved to do is read. I love learning new things. I find I just have a hunger to learn new things, and want to dig into things to really explore each new thing I learn.

Learning things is a good thing. I have applied that to wanting to learn more about the Bible, and to learning the truths that God gives us there. It has really helped me grow in my relationship with God, especially in tough times.

Yesterday, Tricia told me that I have a lot of knowledge of the truth, and wisdom that I share with others, but I seem to have trouble applying it to my life. I have many steps of truth, and know all the right answers. I have difficulty walking in that truth. I have trouble internalizing the truth, and really believing it in my heart.

Slowly that process has been taking place through counseling. I have started to find things that I have believed that were lies, and I knew the truth, but didn’t believe it for myself. For instance, a couple of the lies that came from past experiences were, “I am worthless,” and “I am unforgivable.” I always knew the truth that I am worthy in Christ, and that because of Jesus blood, I am forgiven. But until I started going through therapy, the head knowledge and heart knowledge just weren’t connected.

Now that I have gone through some specific incidents from the past, where those lies were planted, not only did the truths really get applied in my life (and become real in my heart), I have been able to walk in those truths. I also have found the intensity of the emotions around those particular incidents have faded. Though I remember them, and know they happened to me, they are just memories now, and don’t have the hold on me they did before.

There are new lies that I have realized that I am believing. “I am not safe,” and “I can’t let go of or let out my emotions.” I know the truth of my security in Christ, and that it is healthy to get out those emotions, and have a release for them. In my head.

We worked through these lies, and the situations they were attached to, yesterday. Something about this EMDR therapy God really uses to help me begin to apply to the truth to the situations, and to the lies. If you follow the link I provided above to the official site, that explains what EMDR is, you will see how God can really use it. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for Tricia to use this therapy with someone who isn’t a Christian. You have to identify a negative thought about yourself (the lie) and then what your preferred positive thought would be (the Truth). When someone can’t come from the perspective of absolute truth, Tricia said it is extremely difficult, because the person has to rely on “positive thinking” rather than on God doing the healing.

So, hopefully, in the next week or so, as I continue to process the session yesterday, and meditate on the truth, I will start to believe the truth in my heart and mind, fully. It took a while for the worthiness and forgiveness to come to fully believing and knowing in my head and heart, to really occur to the full extent. So, I am trusting God to do the work with these lies and truths as well. But I also know it will take time.

One thing that Tricia used to describe how I am applying truth in my life is this. She had me stand up and start walking and observe which foot I started with. Then she said to imagine that my right foot (the one I started with) was the truth; the truth I know in my head, that I have learned. Then to imagine that my left foot was that truth applied in my life.

She said typically a person walks one foot stepping and then the other. Truth, application, truth, application. Right, left, right, left. But she said I am walking differently. I am always leading with my right foot, dragging the other behind. (Imagine kids learning to “gallop” across the room, with the right leg leading… try it out yourself and you will see what I mean) Truth, truth, truth truth. Right, right, right, right. And I never add the application in.

She said as I walk with the kids or whatever, I need to think on the truth, and then the application. I am not sure how to actually “apply” the truth in my life. One good friend suggested it is all about renewing the mind. Re-training how I am thinking. When the lie pops in, or I find I am operating out of that lie, I need to replace it with the truth, preferably with a bible verse, and focus on that, meditate on that, and then to try to walk in that truth. Acting in the truth rather than out of the lie and fear.

Here it is again. It shows up in my blog all the time. The truth and what I should be doing, but my everyday life is a lot different. I suppose it is the same with most people. We all know the truth, and the way we should be living in freedom in Christ. But many times we live instead by the lies that have been planted by the enemy through situations we have lived through. Sometimes those lies are planted, not because we have lived through abuse or trauma, but because there was something we needed in our past that we didn’t receive. Whether that be affirmation from our parents, neglect in one way or another, a lack of feeling loved or secure as a child. Those can affect as much or more, our ability to really believe in our heart of hearts that we are accepted, secure and loved by God.

So I hope you will join me in walking.

Step by step.

Right, left, right, left.
Truth, application, truth, application.

Let’s walk in freedom and victory, the way Christ has intended us to.

Dear Jesus, please help me to be able to walk in the truth the way you have intended me to. I ask for this day. Help me to rest in my safety and security in You. I ask that you would help all my friends and family to do the same. Show me where I am believing a lie, where I am acting and reacting out of lies I might believe. And please help me to really integrate, and incorporate Your truth into my life… into my mind and heart. I want to have the mind of Christ. Renew my mind, and transform me into your likeness, may I reflect who You are. May I reflect Your glory, and show others what it is to walk in Your truth and to live it out day by day. I thank You and praise You for how You have helped me, and worked in my life. You are an amazing God! I can’t imagine living without You. Thank You Jesus, for Your healing and Your love. Amen.

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