God has done so many things recently in my life.
All last week, as you may have noticed in some of my earlier posts, I wanted to run. I was blocking out God and didn’t want to think at all. But God was preparing me.
Saturday I started a new book, and through it, God spoke to me. As I read, I realized that these two gentlemen who wrote the book were putting into words all my thoughts and feelings that I haven’t been able to get into words. I have tried. But this was different. Even as men, they understand the matters of the heart, and how much our hearts need to be connected to the rest of us. We need to have our hearts caught up in the wild, untameable love of our God.
Such thoughts, and more, were filling my head as I went into counseling on Monday. As I talked with Tricia, I was able to talk to her very honestly about some things that had come up as I read the book. It was amazing to me that I avoided even really dealing with God all week long, but Saturday, when He finally got through to me, it was through this book. And literally I read all day… read half of the book! And journaled about it, and all the things that were hitting me.
As I talked with Tricia, I felt like the whole conversation was being guided. Guided gently and lovingly by God. I didn’t realize just how much until much later, after the session. The things we talked about, things in my history, quotes from the book, issues it brought up, issues in relationships… it all came out, and once I got over some initial anxiety that I always have, I really felt held and safe and secure.
I even brought something up that I had been purposely avoiding. I was concerned about her reaction, and if I would be able to clearly explain what I meant. Every time I had thought about it the night before, and even talked it out, out loud (thank goodness everyone else was asleep) it just came out wrong.
I finally emailed a friend the night before my counseling session, and asked her to pray because I didn’t know if I should even bring the issue up in counseling or not.
Much sooner than I thought in the session, God just brought it up, and it fit right in with what we were talking about. And I even told Tricia that I didn’t want to say anything. I remember just looking away from her as I tried to describe what I wanted. I was afraid of looking at her face to see her reaction.
And God gave me the words to say. He was gracious to me. He relieved my fears through Tricia, and by words that she said in response to my comments. I just don’t have the words to express it right now. I really don’t have the words to express how God touched my heart in such a profound way.
Today, the more I thought about the session, the more I realized how God has worked and moved in my life in the past month. I can hardly believe it. A month ago, I had been out of the hospital for only a week. I have had so many things that have happened since then that before would have thrown me over the edge. And they haven’t.
Today I took my friend Cindy out for lunch, and we were able to just rejoice together for the things that God has done. Amazing things. Awesome things. Dancing in the street things. God has given me strength. God has given me healing in amazing ways.
“O Lord my God, I cried out to You, and You healed me.
O Lord, You brought my soul up from the grave;
You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.” Psalm 30:2-3
This is practically a direct quote from my heart to God’s heart. It was a promise He gave me months ago. It is a promise that He has fulfilled. It is a promise that He is going to fulfilled.
Like I said: Dancing in the streets!!!!
More blessings upon blessings…
He has given me a friendship in Cindy that I have been praying for, for years and years. He has released me from so much of the bondage that has held me in captivity for so long. He is growing me up. He is teaching me how to release my heart to Him. He is just doing amazing things.
He is giving me promises for the future. He is showing me my mission field here and now, and He is showing me hope for the future. He has shown me that He is willing to give me the desires of my heart in His timing.
He is giving me sisters in Christ, that though we can’t be close now every day, we can have a connection through prayer and by knowing we are sisters in Him. But that is more for a later post…
I sat in Beatitudes this morning, and tried to thank Him for what He has done. I was just blown away. I still am. My heart is filled to overflowing with how He had helped me and held me. Desired of my heart have been answered, fears have been relieved. Prayers prayed for others have been answered. Amazing things He has done. Amazing things He will do.
My God, My Jesus filled my heart with so much hope, it’s all I can do to keep from crying right now. Our God is so good!
Yes, I know that I will probably still have bad days. God doesn’t promise that we won’t have trouble. But with Him we can get through it. With Him I can get through it.
I can hardly believe the joy that is filling my heart right now! God is so amazing! Ok, so I am going to cry, I can’t stop it, but these are tears of joy.
For the first time in a long time… tears of JOY!!!! Joy at what He has done. And complete humility that He has done it for me.