Friday, June 20, 2008

Conversations with the Great I AM...

Oh God, I want to run.

I know, child.

I want to run away. I don’t want to deal with these responsibilities. I want to run and hide somewhere.

I know.

I can’t do this today. I just am having a bad day, God. And it makes me want to run away more, when last weekend was so good.

God? Why am I struggling so much right now? Why do I have to deal with this? I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to fight depression and anxiety. I don’t want to find myself just wanting to hole up in the house and hide.

God? Are You there? Are You listening?

I am.

Do you care? Do you see? I want a safe place. I want to hide somewhere away from everything else. I want to hide somewhere so far away, so no one can find me. I want to hide in such a tight cocoon that I feel like I am being hugged or held.

God? I am tired. I don’t understand. I am frustrated. I am confused. What do I do?



I AM. Look to me.

But right now, all I can see is me, God. All I can see is the hurt that I am feeling that I don’t even know where it is coming from. How do I look to You? How do I fight all these thoughts in my head that are pushing me down further and further?

My dear child: Claim my promises. Remember all that I have done for you. Remember the Words you have read about Me. Remember the Words of Mine you have memorized. Pick another verse. Pick a promise. Memorize it. Meditate on it. Know that I never fail to keep My promises.

I AM bigger than anything else you have ever seen.
I AM stronger than anything that can harm you.
I AM more wildly in love with you than you can imagine.
I AM your Father.
I AM your Friend.
I AM your Redeemer.
I AM your Healer.

Child, I will be with you all of your days. I will be with you all of your nights. You can meditate on me in the middle of the night and I will be there. I AM with you forever. My Spirit is in you. When you can’t see, or breathe, or even cry out, My Spirit is interceding for you, before My throne. You are not alone. You may feel alone. You may be in pain. You may be fighting or you may be falling down in discouragement.

But I AM with you always.

Oh Father! My God. I don’t know what to say. My heart cries out to You. Thank You for speaking so directly to my heart.
But, I still feel like running away.

I know.

All right. A promise. To memorize and meditate on.
Here is the promise I claim for today God.
I choose to trust that You have given it to me.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine.” Isaiah 43:1

Engrave that truth not only in my head God, but in my heart as well. I am so tired of fighting. Help me to rest in You, to let Your peace fill my heart, to let Your arms hold me. Be my safe place, and help me to stop running away, but instead run to You. Give me Your strength for the rest of this day, Father.

I will.

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