Monday, March 30, 2009

I don't want to...

I have come to the conclusion, after talking with Cindy today, that I really don't want to work.

It just kind of burst out of me when we were on the phone today. I sat and started to cry and said "I don't want to work, I really don't. I was actually looking forward to this summer."

Last summer I wasn't looking forward to, because I was just too overwhelmed with the junk I was working through. This year, I was looking forward to doing lots of stuff with the kids... lots of playing outside, swimming, going to parks, having water fights... playing in the rain. Spontaneous stuff.

If I am working, I am going to miss those opportunities.

When they are the ages of 3 and 5, and Peter is going to be in full time Kindergarten next year and soon Marina will be in school too, shouldn't I be home with them?

But there is a part of me that is concerned that my own desires, or selfishness, or thoughts will drown out what God is trying to tell me.

Is God wanting me to work?

Is He wanting me to stay home?

What if I feel that I am supposed to stay home... actually feel that God is saying that to me... and Dave isn't in agreement with me?

What then?


Clay Feet said...

There are multiple issues and principles being all stirred up at the same time here and that can cause a lot of confusion about what is God's will and what is coming from human wills. Be careful not to assume too much or to put a lot of stock in feelings when it comes to some of these matters. Even conventional wisdom - even with a Christian face on it - can be dangerous when making such important decisions.

Don't become confused between selfishness and looking out for the best interests of two very impressionable young minds that are forming their picture of reality right now that will strongly shape their picture of God for the rest of eternity.

I would also recommend testing every spirit in this situation. Many times information may sound convincingly logical but the spirit of the person behind that information is not in sync with the Spirit of the gospel.

Just a few thoughts.

Paula said...

This is a tough one Heather and I feel for you. I have never had to make that decision as I always knew I'd be going back to part-time then full-time work after I had Jasmine. I have missed a lot of her formative years by being at work, but as a solo mum for most of them I had no other choice. I will pray for you on this Heather. God will show you the path you are required to take, and I agree with the previous comment in that you need to test every spirit. xo

Bringer of Peace said...

I am so glad you have 'faced' your real feelings. So long as you are denying it may be making it difficult for God to do whatever He is going to do because of your denial - a bit like slamming the door in God's face.

I am not telling you to work - or not work. However, keep in mind that God already knows what is best in this situation.

One more thought. Whatever God is choosing for you and your family the more you focus on thanking God now - even before you know what the answer is - and the more you choose to be grateful for God, the more you will receive of His healing, growing love. "The joy of the Lord is your strength."

Always remember you are special.