I have come to the conclusion, after talking with Cindy today, that I really don't want to work.
It just kind of burst out of me when we were on the phone today. I sat and started to cry and said "I don't want to work, I really don't. I was actually looking forward to this summer."
Last summer I wasn't looking forward to, because I was just too overwhelmed with the junk I was working through. This year, I was looking forward to doing lots of stuff with the kids... lots of playing outside, swimming, going to parks, having water fights... playing in the rain. Spontaneous stuff.
If I am working, I am going to miss those opportunities.
When they are the ages of 3 and 5, and Peter is going to be in full time Kindergarten next year and soon Marina will be in school too, shouldn't I be home with them?
But there is a part of me that is concerned that my own desires, or selfishness, or thoughts will drown out what God is trying to tell me.
Is God wanting me to work?
Is He wanting me to stay home?
What if I feel that I am supposed to stay home... actually feel that God is saying that to me... and Dave isn't in agreement with me?