300,000 "ones"

This weekend was the Live Simulcast by Beth Moore, talking about the topic of Insecurity.

She wrote a book called "So, Long Insecurity," and I read it prior to attending the Simulcast. I was wondering how much of the material would be directly from the book. True to how Beth Moore is, she allowed God to craft her message, and though it contained material from the book, it was fueled by her own journey to security.

One of the things that I really didn't realize was just how many women were tuning in through the satellite host sites.

Normal simulcasts through the Living Proof Live events average around 90,000 women (and a handful of men) :)

This simulcast represented 300,000 or more women, and again, some men.

300,000 women turned out for a talk about insecurity.

To learn how to be secure women in Christ.

300, 000!!!

God didn't see a nameless, identity-less mass of people. He saw individual women, each with their own hurts, desires, brokenness, joys, fears, excitement, anticipation, and hunger for more of Him.

And He spoke a word to each of us. Specifically meant for me. Specifically meant for you.

We were 300,000 "ones."

Beth said (paraphrasing here cause I didn't write it down) at one point that in her book, she said that we couldn't change our culture, but we could change ourselves. We can become women who are secure in Christ and influence our spheres of influence.

When she was in the actual simulcast, she was overwhelmed by the numbers, and essentially said that we had to imagine 300,000 women all over the U.S. and Canada in our churches. If each "one" of us makes the decision to change our thinking, our actions, and allow God to change our hearts and work on us, in our areas of insecurity, we will influence our churches.

Think about what 300,000 women can do spread all over this land!

What can we do and 300,000 "ones?"
Our Christian culture can change.
Really change.

We will stand out as exceptions.

We will stand out as the example of what it means to be secure.
No longer fear driven.
No longer reacting to situations and conversations.
No longer perceiving threats from other women.

Others say, "Everyone there did .......... except, well, her."
Or they say, "No one ................... oh, except her."

We can become the exception to the rule.
Other women will notice.

If I am bathed with Christ, if His light shines in this jar of clay, others will notice. If I am willing to follow Christ everywhere, even in areas I am uncomfortable, yet let Christ cloth me with His strength and dignity that no one can take away, that will be so different from the rest of the world, others will want what I have.

And I want to be that way.

I have found myself walking around since the simulcast, and really since I finished her book, with the phrases ringing in my head,

"I am clothed with strength and dignity. No one and no thing can take that away from me. God gave it to me. It is mine."

What if all of us who participated in the simulcast actually adopted those thought patterns? What if we started to speak the truth to ourselves? What if we started with the truth in our minds, and acted out the truth with our feet, until it really did grow in our hearts?

What would I look like?

What would you look like?

What would our churches look like?

Wouldn't it be amazing to see the generations around us starting to really let go of what the culture says will make us secure?! Oh to see my daughter learn to overcome insecurity! I know she will be confronted by it. But I also know that God can use me, and other secure women in her life to show her how to navigate through these waters until she is able to adopt and apply the phrase,

"I am clothed with strength and dignity."

Beth asked us if others are worth what it takes to walk in security in Christ.

I can answer that with a resounding yes!

My daughter is worth it, my son is worth it. My family is worth it. My friends, my church are worth it.

More than that....

I am realizing the motivation isn't others alone. The motivation for me to pursue security and drop off this old me, is the new me that I am putting on. I am worth it because God created me and loves me, and it is what He desires for me.

Others are worth the effort it takes to walk in security in Christ.

So am I.

She obeys, He frees... She Speaks Part 8

I didn’t realize just how raw the story was, until I tried to figure out how to share it, how much to share, and how to fit it into just the intro of my talk.

Honestly, I was scared. It was one thing to share this specific story in writing, in general terms, on my blog, but it was completely different to do it in person, with more specifics…

So, there I was crying in the atrium of the hotel, trying to pray and surrender everything to God.

I finally was able to settle down and practice my talk, trying to time it and smooth things out. Just in time too, as I had to head upstairs to get together with everyone in my evaluation group.

I seem like I am skimming over so much. Everyone who spoke did so well. It was good for me to know that everyone was just as nervous as I was.

One amazing thing was how God really designed all of our talks. We all had different stories, different verses to talk on, different lives. But God designed each of our talks. We really all spoke about much of the same thing. How God has created us special, with our own unique talents and gifts and backgrounds. How much He loves every one of us.

God blessed my heart through each of my sisters there.

When I got up to give my talk, I was so scared. I was afraid to open up with the story....

(I know, I have been holding back what it was, because, well, though I have talked about it here on my blog as I was working through it in counseling... it's still hard to share)

......the story of how I was raped by a boyfriend in college......

I didn't go into detail. I couldn't. I didn't have much time to even fill out the story enough, or ease into it any.

It took all I had to follow God's prompting to share that story. It led so well into why I felt separated from God, and unable to receive His love, or believe that He could love me at all. The whole verses that I picked, that God gave me, were from Romans 8:35 and 37.

You know the part:

"Who shall separate us from the love of God? Shall trouble or hardship, or persecution or famine, or nakedness, danger or sword? No, in all these things were are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

It's a reminder for me, even today, right now, this very morning as I write this. No matter my past sins, the ways I fall and stumble along, God still loves me. He still looks on me with compassion and mercy. He lavishes His grace on me. Nothing can separate me.

Nothing, not even the nakedness I felt from the rape could ever separate me from God's love... even when I felt dirty, and lived with the lies that I wasn't worth anything more than being used by others.

After sharing, I finally felt such a relief.

Not just that I had shared my talk, but that I had followed God's prompting to share some of the hardest, most painful parts of my story, trusting Him to use it as He will.

I may have the opportunity to share my story, and/or a talk soon. Like in February as I am on a committee to plan a women's retreat for our church. We probably are going to use 3 people from our church family as the speakers, as we don't have a very big budget. It seems that all three of the speakers are on the committee right now. Funny how God works like that.

It may be harder to share my story, and any message God puts on my heart, with people who I will see all the time in church. However, God has put a burden on my heart for the women in our congregation that I see every Sunday. I wonder how many of them are living with secret depression, or secret shame and hurt and guilt... with burdens that they aren't supposed to be carrying... at least not alone, without others to help them.

All I know is I walked out of the speaker evaluation group with a new lightness in me.

The only way I can describe it is as if I finally got "permission" to really share my heart, and God's heart for women in pain and bondage. I had a release of sorts. From fear, from hesitancy, from resistance.

I walked into the dinner that night, in preparation for hearing Jennifer Rothschild speak in person. I had recently read through her "Self Talk, Soul Talk" book, and was doing her bible study, "Me, Myself and Lies." Both were incredible and I was greatly looking forward to what she had to say.

I didn't expect what she said, and how she shared her heart, to touch mine as much as it did. I couldn't explain it even now, though I will try...

God used her to speak right into my heart and life right where I was at....

(to be continued)

HE confirms, She learns... She Speaks Part 7

I was still afraid that I was making it up in my head. I was still afraid that I was taking something that could be too "sensational" and that it would distract from the rest of the message I really felt led to share.

Isn't it funny how God uses things like the next break out session to confirm exactly what He wanted you to do?

I walked into "Crafting a Noticed and Needed Message," by Karen Ehman.

Yup. That was the title.
Love how God does those things!

Now I had prayed through and picked these break out sessions well before I ever went to She Speaks. God orchestrated everything to be exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it.

I could probably write a book about what Karen shared. I will try not to! But as she talked it became very apparent that I had to share the story God wanted me to. One of the first things I wrote down was this quote.

You can do teaching couched in your own story that only you can tell.
I have the right to talk about my story.
In my stories I need to be real and honest.

Hmm.

God will always be stretching you in the area of your talk.

No wonder I found it so hard in the weeks leading up to She Speaks to believe that God had really called me there, and that I struggled so hard with feeling loved by Him, no matter what. My friend, Cindy had shared that was one of the things that she always found. She was stretched and challenged on the very things that she would be teaching on in a talk, the whole time she was preparing. I believed her, but had to be reminded frequently before my trip!!!

One of the big things I took away from there (among others) was that I need to be "stuffing my files." Remembering, noticing, writing down incidents, quotes, stories and making note of where I got them from. Create a folder on my computer to quickly type down something to remind myself and save it frequently.

Karen shared about five different areas to crafting a needed message.

1. Prepare. (stuffing files, praying)
2. Write.
3. Practice. (recording self regularly, using family and friends to practice on)
4. Deliver. (using silence, no vocal crutches)
5. Live. (don't just preach it, but live it)

All of those were so good, and I was able to use them right on the spot with my talk. But there was a problem. I wish I had this information well before I had crafted my 5 min. talk. I had no time to completely rewrite it and make if flow better. I wanted to use all the things she talked about in the "writing" portion and incorporate them into my talk.

I just had to let that go.

One of the things she challenged us to do within the next week of leaving She Speaks, I have yet to do.

It's on my "list!"

First I need to pray about it, but then name 2-3 areas that I feel God is calling me to speak on. I have to pick an example/illustration from life, one from an outside source, and then pick one passage of scripture... for each of those areas. After that, I need to craft the skeleton of those talks.

That is definitely something I want to do. I am slowly coming out of my exhaustion, but have been slow to pick up on life, and start doing the things around the house I want to.

I have been trying to mentally prepare myself for letting my son go. He is heading into the "big" elementary school this year, to kindergarten. He is looking forward to it. I am wondering how it is going to change our lives.

Hmm.
Maybe there is a talk in there somewhere.
Another thing to stuff in a file folder?

It's funny how the more I write about what I learned, and go over my notes again, I find it all applying to and weaving into my life around me now. It's strange and good at the same time. So rarely have I come back from a conference and been able to retain, and recognize how things I have learned there work into my "everyday" life.

When I went into my next session by Wendy Pope, “Teaching by the Book,” I learned even more about preparing a talk. She really went in depth about using the online resources available. She gave websites and everything. It’s amazing to me just how much there is out there.

I was like a kid in a candy store! I love studying and writing and researching. Finding all these different things, well, I can’t wait to use them!

There is so much Wendy talked about that I am going to use the next time I prepare a message. Again, I was disappointed that I couldn’t use some of the stuff she shared in preparation for my 5 min. talk.

Again, I had to let it go.

A few key things she said that I just saw in my notes.

You can never pray enough.
Pray for everything God lays on your heart.
Pray for passion for His message for the event.
Ask God to give you ears to hear and eyes to see.
God speaks in more places than you church.

After Wendy's break out session, I talked with Katie. She had to go to our room and finish up her talk, and practice. I had to do the same, so I told her she could have the room, and I found a secluded corner of the atrium in the hotel, and curled up with my bible, journal and talk.

I sat, praying, journaling, and finally crying (yes, again….) as I tried to prepare myself for sharing not only the 5 min. talk, but my heart and the story God had told me to share.

I didn’t realize just how raw the story was, until I tried to figure out how to share it, how much to share, and how to fit it into just the intro of my talk.

Honestly, I was scared. It was one thing to share this specific story in writing, in general terms, on my blog, but it was completely different to do it in person, with more specifics…

(to be continued)