some silence isn't golden...

A friend wrote an email to me yesterday.

His title of the email....

"Silence is golden, but..."

Yes, I have been pretty silent over here.

It's not just the season, and how busy it gets. It's not working.
Though, those things do contribute.

Emotionally I have been on a roller coaster the past week. Wrestling with God. Wrestling with myself. And, really spending a lot of that time trying to hide and stuff those emotions any way I could.

I know, not healthy. But its where I am at.

In the process of this day alone, God has shown me how off I have been, and started to reveal some other things to me that I really need to deal with... a lie or two laying there that have been hiding away. Things I thought were dealt with, but explain my reactions and behavior this week.

All that to say....

....depending on how tired I am tonight, I might not get to post about it till later on this weekend. But I wanted you to know that I am here. I am ok. Not great but ok.

Choosing to trust in the Lord, even when He doesn't make sense, and I don't get what He's doing or how in the world He can or will redeem things.

Fear has been pounding me pretty bad all week, and today is the first chance to take a deep breath without it constricting me.

Choosing to trust when fear is screaming in your face is extremely difficult. But I am trying. Today I keep refocusing myself.

One day at a time. One breath at a time.

I am grateful for my friend inquiring after me. It made me realize that if I cut myself off from others (yes, here on my blog as well as "in real life" people that I know and love) I am going to "go down under" so to speak. I can't live in isolation... and that was what the enemy has been trying to do... get me to isolate myself. From everyone.

Pray for me. And please pray for a dear sister, who is facing surgery and some serious health issues this coming week.