Friday, October 16, 2009

This week and prayers...

This week has been a long one.

This week has been a good one too.

I have started getting oriented to my new job. Bonus is, the person doing my orientation is Cindy, one of my best friends.

Another bonus?

My bosses are my pastors
Their boss?
Well, you know... :)

All in all, it is a pretty good job.

My husband is my tech support, so he is going to get up to the church in the next day or two, and assess my computer, the secretary's computer and our senior pastor's computer. All three are running really slow and need help. So we are going to get everything set up so that our computers are running smoothly.

I was thrilled and upbeat about the job.

Then the amount of hours started kicking in.
The lack of time with my family.
The rushing back and forth.

By the end of the night Wednesday, the "bloom" was gone.

I am still excited about the job, but there are other things.

It is a lot of driving back and forth. But the benefits of working in a safe environment are enormous. The long hours and staff meetings too their toll on me. But knowing I am where God wants me to be is huge.

I have no doubt that I am here because God wanted me to be.

But yesterday and today I was really struggling.
Emotionally.

I am going to mention this because I know that I need prayer support. NOT because I am advocating one thing or another.

With my doctor's approval, I have stopped taking my Welbutrin, my anti-depressant. I am staying on my other daily medications, and my other meds I am using as needed. But I want to see if a lot of my problems were related to unresolved issues and pain from the past.

I have dealt with so many things and done so much growing, that I know I am in a way better place than I ever have been before. Though I do have a new job, it is a place I know I am safe, and where I have someone available to talk if I need to. There are stressors as I and my family transition through to finding out what is going to work best with us. But God is at work there as well.

I have been off it for about 4 weeks. I am starting to notice a difference.

My doctor told me that it would take me about 3-4 months for my body and brain to adjust the chemistry, to see where I am at. I am not entirely looking forward to the next 2-3 months. Thankfully I am through the first month.

Somehow, I think that might be the easiest month!

Really, I do want to go through with this. If, by the time Christmas is over, and we are into January or so, I find that things are still not going well, I will notify my doctor and start back up on the Welbutrin.

I hope this blog doesn't become about that... but at the same time, it was about my journey through my struggles with God, and my way out of depression. So, who knows where this will lead.

Cindy already knows that I am off my one medication. I asked her today to help me. I know that I need someone outside of myself to really keep an eye on how I am doing. She is one of the few people that I talk to at least 2 or more times a week. She also has been there when I have been in the deepest, darkest places. She was the person who took me to the hospital the second time I ended up on the mental health unit.

She has seen the worst case scenario.

I trust her judgment. If she says that she doesn't feel that I am adjusting well enough, or that I am not myself anymore, even 4-5 months out from here.... as hard as it would be to hear, I would trust that, call my doctor, and go back on my anti-depressant.

Please pray for me. I need discernment as I go through this process. So does Cindy and my husband, Dave. We need protection from the enemy. He would love to take down my family through this. That I do know. There is no way that Satan wants our family to stay unified, and grow in Christ. There is no way that the enemy wants us as a family, or individuals, to minister in Jesus name to people around us. There is no way the devil wants me to be effective and successful in my position at church.

He will use anything in our personal lives, in our faith walks, and in our thoughts to waylay us from God's purpose and plan.

We need prayer more than ever.
My stepping into a very visible ministry has put even more of a target on us.

Not that I am going to be living in fear! I know that our God is victorious and has already won the ultimate war. We can claim that victory,
I can claim that victory.

I need to know, however, that my brothers and sisters in Christ are standing in the gap for me.

Thank you in advance for your prayers.

I love you all.

There is so much more to say, but I am just too tired to write more.
Maybe I can continue tomorrow. :)
I plan on it... whether it will actually happen or not is up to God!

I am off to sleep so I can spend the rest of the weekend with my family, until I have to go to work again (wow is that weird to say!!! :) )

1 comment:

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Keep trusting God. What a blessing to have your bff, Cindy, beside you and able to give an objective view of your progress.