Friday, September 11, 2009

I'm afraid of the dark

It's dark.

I am standing at the edge, my toes curling over it, to keep myself steady.

There is nothing to hang on to.
Nothing to see, no glimmer of light.

It's noisy.

I never knew the darkness could be filled with such sound.

Yelling voices compete for my attention.
Tumultuous. Roaring confusion distracting me.

I am wavering.

I am on the brink.

He wants me to drop something and jump.

Drop what? There are so many things that I have in my arms, on my back.

What in the world am I supposed to do?

I can't see.
There is no glimmer of light.

Maybe if I let go of something dear to me, but not as dear as the others?
Would that satisfy?

I'm afraid not.

I'm afraid.

The noise, like waves, crash over me again with the fear.
Underneath there is the hiss.
Like the breath the ocean breathes before the waves crash in again.... that breath....
I hear just a hint of music.

It's Him.
It's His voice.

I know it so well.

But the cacophony of sounds around me...
The waves pounding over me....
Exhaustion is taking its toll...

And I am still teetering on the edge.

His voice...
Reminding me...

"I know the plans I have for you.
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."

Dare I believe?

I know He wants me to jump.
Drop what I am holding and jump.

I can't see.
I don't have to see.

He knows what is ahead.
He is reaching out for my hands.

To grab His, I have to drop what I am holding onto so tightly.

I am still standing on that edge... paralyzed.

I'm afraid of the dark.


The following words are ones with which I closed an email to a to a dear sweet friend. They made me think of the above post. These words were the prompting of what I wrote from the storm in my heart.

"I am afraid to jump, and not ask how high or where to. I can’t see, and I am scared of the dark.

God give me courage. Even though I can’t see in this dark, help my heart know what it is you want me to do."


Oh God, to give me that courage. I need you. I need to hear your voice whispering to me. Please sing over me this night, that I might wake refreshed and ready for the new day, filled with your hope, even in the light of needing to let something go for this season. Satisfy me in the morning with your steadfast love, that I may rejoice and be glad all my days. Please do that for all of us who are hurting, faced with tough decisions, or are going through storms or safe harbors, Lord.
Give us the courage to keep following you. We need to persevere so that when we have done your will, we will receive what you have promised. (Heb. 10:36) Help us to never give up, and never give in.
I love you, and I long to honor you, in all I do. You are my King, and you are my Lord, the Lord of my life... the One who breathes new life into my heart, turning it from broken glass into living flesh, healing it, and making it whole again.
Help me to remember what you showed me today... you are holding onto my hands just as hard as I am holding onto yours. You won't let go. You ask me to jump, and You won't let me fall. Thank you, Jesus.


Lyla Lindquist said...

Strong images of trusting Him, Heather. Praying with you that you'll do just that.

Clay Feet said...

Trust His heart. The alternative is much more dangerous.

Julie Gillies said...

What a beautiful post, Heather

Jesus is faithful, and utterly trustworthy. He may lead us to jump, and even if we are afraid we can do it, because HE is waiting to catch us.

Go ahead. Jump!!

Deb said...

He knows that we fear the dark.

That's why He's the light.

I agree with Lyla, Clay, and Julie:



Sweet dreams.