Tuesday, August 11, 2009

She Speaks and She Sleeps!! She Speaks Part 5

I headed towards Amy's room, hearing voices and laughter floating down the hall towards me. My steps quickened without my realization, as I came closer to where I knew God had placed me for that weekend...

I walked into the room and saw chairs arranged to face a music stand at the front of the room. I was greeted by Amy, and met Danielle for the first time. She and I had been corresponding the last couple of weeks. We had run across each other's blogs just before we found out that we were going to be in the same speaker evaluation group. How awesome is God?? I also saw Monica, who I met earlier that afternoon (was that really the same day??) on the shuttle ride from the airport. Katie came in shortly after me...

...and the room slowly filled with these women...
...these wonderful women of God...

...all on different roads...
...all different walks of life...
...all different stories...
...all the same amazing, awesome, God and Lover of our Souls...

Only God could have orchestrated each of the evaluation groups as He did that weekend. All the stories I heard, all the different types of people He put together, either from similar backgrounds or completely different... depending on what we all needed....

Amy Carroll was such a blessing. Her laughter and her understanding and compassion touched all of our hearts I think. She immediately put me at ease. So, though I was still nervous, I was able to settle in and relax in her presence. I praise God for her, because she was exactly the person our small group needed to lead us.

We were all relatively novice speakers. Some had been speaking before small groups, or in/around their churches. But from what I remember (and any ladies reading this please correct me!!!) none, did it very regularly.

It was a night of our telling of our stories to each other. Introducing ourselves some, where we were from, what our families were like, etc. And then we gave our testimonies. "Our Story" talks, 3 minutes in length. They were timed to give us an idea of how quickly things could go.

It was very good to get our feet wet, when we all were so hesitant and I think, truly nervous about how we would be received. I was blessed so much by everyone's story. It was amazing to hear the heartaches, the victories, the struggles, the sadness and the extreme joy that they all, we all, had tasted.

For me, it was so relieving to share my story, and to find only acceptance and love. I mean, I laid it all on the line with the first sentence.

"October, 2 years ago, found me in a hospital be, on a suicide watch. This wasn't exactly what I had anticipated when I became a believer."

Yes, I did start out that way. And no, I didn't hold anything back.

It wasn't the time or place. I had asked God to show me what to say, to give me the words, to change things at the last minute if He had to... and this is what He wanted me to say that night. To share some of how I had become a believer, but also some of what I had gone through the past few years. So, how could I hold anything back.

When I walked into that room, my tiredness had melted away. Probably because of the adrenalin kicking in.

Needless to say, after meeting all these beautiful women, and starting to share my heart with them, and starting to see the bonds we shared with each other.... I WAS WIPED OUT!

I got back to my room and dumped my stuff, and in the process, realized there was a blogger meet and greet going on downstairs.

I headed down there briefly, and caught the end of it. The main reason I went down though was to catch up with Lee and see how her night had been. We got the chance to talk some, and I got to meet Susan (a.k.a Runner Mom).

Then the fatigue set in. It wasn't even tiredness, it was beyond exhaustion.

I don't think I was even intelligible by the time I got to my room. I remember vaguely talking to Katie. I think. I got my clothes ready for the morning (I think) and headed to bed. I was asleep so quickly, and so soundly, I never heard Katie working on her 5 min. talk in the other bed, never heard her shut off the light... nothing.

Not until the alarm went off in the morning to get me up....

Then it was time to get up and start a new day. I was looking forward to all I would learn and the people I would meet, and the ways that God might speak to me this day....

(to be continued)

4 comments:

Deb said...

This post! Amazing. You have a beautiful testimony.

I love seeing how God is working in your life. Thank you for sharing your story.

I can't wait for the next post.

And thank you for sharing Jonah 2:9with me. This verse spoke to my heart. I plan to copy it in my journal tomorrow so that I can work on memorizing it.

I appreciate you for being an instrument of blessing in my life.

Sweet dreams.

Danielle said...

Girl, I will say it again. I am so proud of you. You are really allowing God to give you the strength and get out there and share your testimony... and what a story God is weaving in your life.

I love being about to enjoy the ride!!

Amy Carroll said...

Heather,
Thank you so much for your email this morning and your kind words. You can't imagine what an encouragement they've been to me. Just like everybody else, I've come home to everyday life after the high of She Speaks. It's always a hard adjustment for me. Life is good but there's the laundry. Know what I mean?

I also want to tell you that I think you're quite a gifted writer. I've been enjoying reading your posts so much. I'm thankful that God is opening a door for you to speak at your church, too!

Amy

Lisa B @ simply His said...

I came over here from your comment on my blog about the healing and saw where you said you were on suicide watch 2 years ago -- I would so love to connect with you more. When I turned 30 (about 6 years ago) I was suicidal as well -- completely saved, but completely fed up with this world. You be sure to email me back. I think God's got a lot of healing to do in both of us!!