If I say, "My foot is slipping," Your loyal love, O Lord, supports me. When worries threaten to overwhelm me, Your soothing touch makes me HAPPY."
Psalm 94:18-19 out of the New English Translation
I went to visit Cindy at church today, where she works. I got there over 20 minutes early, and as I knew she was giving up time out of her work day for me, I decided to spend the time sitting on the hill near our lower parking lot. That way I would give her time to get some things done before we started talking.
I sat on the sweet smelling grass. The sun was hot on my back. The sound of song birds was in the air. The wind was a gentle breeze blowing on my face, brushing my hair out of my eyes.
I was able to sit there and settle myself in God's presence. I felt like He spoke right to me, where I was at, right then and there.
As I rested there, I was reminded by Him that He is there with me. He created me to perfectly feel the sun and the breeze. He created that sun and breeze to warm and cool me. He created the gold finches flying overhead, singing sweetly to me.
He created that moment specifically for me.
For me to remember in times of doubt. Or in times of fear. Or in times of loneliness. Or in times where I feel disengaged. Or in times of extreme stress and worry.
His touch is soothing indeed, and it makes me happy. It made me happy right then and there.
Then as Cindy and I talked and spent some time tackling some more difficult questions, and processing through them, at one point, God reminded me of sitting outside.
He reminded me, yes I may feel very lonely at times. I may feel very stressed and wanting to disengage from everything. I may find that I am more of an introvert than I thought. I may find there are things about my personality, and habits that are re-occurring and difficult to overcome.
But He still makes the sun to warm my back, and the breeze to cool my face. He still does those things because He loves me. He wants to remind me that He is with me. He wants to remind me that He will never let me go.
He wants to remind me that His love is loyal. His love is unfailing. His love will always be there, no matter what my feelings are, or if I feel I deserve that love or not. (I never will, but He gives it anyway)
He picks me up, and dusts me off when I fall down. He supports me and keeps me from slipping. He sets my feet upon a firm place. He helps me get going in the right direction again.
But He does all of this with a gentle hand. Not harsh or hard or impatient. Not with an angry hand or countenance.
And when I think that I should be on the receiving end of harshness from Him... He surprises me again... (and why should I be surprised when He never changes in how He deals with me?)
His love overwhelms and in that overwhelming... oh how my worries are soothed away.
Then I am happy.
But deeper than that.
I am filled with joy.