Yesterday found me struggling. Missing my parents and our Christmas Eve traditions. I was experiencing a deep exhaustion, depression, and a pressure of deeper darkness than I have had for a while.
I struggled to hang in there and just breathe. I curled up under the blankets after having cleaned a friends driveway, trying to warm up and trying to regain my composure. Trying to prepare for celebrating with Dave's family.
I called a friend and we talked on the phone for a little bit and she shared with me and asked some questions, and then told me she was going to lift me up in prayer.
I grabbed my heating pad, bible and journal and curled back up under the covers, still trying to get warm. I spent some time in prayer and slowly relaxed as I warmed up. I spent some time in tears as I tried to pray. Finally I was able to settle my heart, and read through a Psalm. Then I set my alarm and succumbed to what I really had wanted to do in the first place.
I curled up, under the covers, pulled them over my head and was finally able to sleep for just a little bit.
I got ready, Dave picked me up and we headed to the farm to spend time with his family. I was able to relax and converse and just have a good time catching up with his relatives.
I wasn't able to spend any time in the Word last night, but this morning I woke up and didn't have to rush too much, as the kids were at the farm and had their stockings to keep them occupied for a little bit.
Before I even stepped foot out of bed, I had the chance to pray, read through parts of Luke 1 and 2, journal, just rest in His presence.
God rested me, held me, comforted my heart.
He renewed me.
I am still tired, and struggling some with my mood, and the sense of depression, but the deep exhaustion has lifted some, the darkness has brightened, just like a candle flame brightens a dark room.....
.... and I am reminded.
You, O Lord keep my lamp burning, my God turns my darkness to light. (Psalm 18:28)
God is good my friends. Sing praises to Him today. He is the lifter of my head. May you experience His love, joy and peace this day and every day.