Friday, August 8, 2008

My One Dollar's worth? What's in a name #7

I have a visual aide for you today…

It’s something that is a lot more effective if it were shown in person… at least the way it hit me today, it really hit me.

In counseling today with Tricia, we were working through something that hit me and beat down to the point of not feeling any value at all. Because of the situation, what happened to me, I was feeling like I was:


As Tricia and I talked, and as we were processing through the therapy, there was a point where I felt like I hit up against a stone wall of fear. I started to panic. I could see the situation happening to me in third person, and then suddenly I was in it. It wasn’t something “out there” anymore. It was “here” and “now” and because I have never processed through these emotions, but instead, stuffed them, all of them were flooding through me at once.

I jumped, my heart was racing, I was sweating and shaking, and opened my eyes, but hardly realized it because all I could see was what was happening to me. Tricia started talking to me when she realized that I wasn’t all there and couldn’t calm down. She started reminding me where I was, that it was only a memory, not actually happening to me now. She kept talking to me, trying to get me to make eye contact with her. Telling me that I was safe, I was with her, safe in her office, not in that place or situation anymore.

As I calmed down some and could focus again, she said that she wasn’t sure where I stood on the issue of Christians being oppressed especially in areas like the one we were dealing with right then, but she felt very pressed on by God to pray right then and there. Specifically against the enemy, in this particular situation. Through my shaking and tears, I agreed and she prayed out loud for protection, guidance, and that the enemy be bound right then and there.

After that, I was able to verbalize some of the lies above, about how I felt… basically used like a piece of meat, that my desires and wants and needs weren’t important. I felt I had to meet others wants and needs over my own, no matter how degrading or demoralizing or twisted they were.

Tricia said to me something about my feeling that I had no value since this had happened to me. I agreed with her.

She looked at me and said, “Just a minute,” and went out of her office. When she came back in she was carrying a dollar bill.

We commented that it was a rather new bill, and she asked me, “How much is it’s value?”

I said, “One dollar.”

Then she started to fold it and bend it. As she did, she said, “So if things were to happen to this dollar as it is used, it gets folded and bent, messed up a bit, when you unfold it, how much is it’s value?”

I said, “One dollar.”

Then she crumpled it up in her hands, really roughing it up. She said, “So as this gets used more, it maybe gets balled up, crumpled, stepped on, dirt rubbed into it, really used up and trampled on, when you straighten it out, even after all of that, how much is it’s value?”

I said, “One dollar.”

Then looking right into my eyes, she took that crumpled up bill in her hands and said, “And what if, in the process of life, this bill gets torn apart?” She ripped the bill, and I felt that tear deep inside of me, so much so that I think I might have gasped… She asked, “How much is this bill’s value? If someone comes along and tapes it together, and uses it, after all of this, how much is it’s value now?”

I looked at her, and then the bill, tears streaming down my face as I got the point. I said, “One dollar.”


The lesson I learned today, the reminder I got, the truth that Tricia reminded me of in light of the situation I am processing through…

NOTHING can change the value I have in God. He bought me with His precious blood. He has covered me with His righteousness. He has filled me with His Spirit. He loves me beyond understanding.

I am valuable and precious in His sight. He has honored me. He loves me.

Mat 6:26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

God provides for all His creations. The birds of the air, the animals in the fields… He provides for me, He cares for me. He loves me. I am so valuable in and because of Him.
This has reminded me of part of a song:

And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

“In Christ Alone”
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music

Did you read what I just wrote there?

For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

I have value. I am valuable, I am lovable. I am worth something. He went to the cross. For me. For you. I can’t deny it. I can’t explain it. I can only accept it.

In spite of the things that have happened to me, GOD IS BIGGER. His opinion of me counts more than anything that might have been said to me or about me, or anything that has been done to me, or that I have done myself.

My inherent value, worth, hasn’t changed because of my circumstances.

I am who God created me to be. He is using EVERYTHING in my life to mold me. I don’t know what the final product will be.

God does. God knows. God cares. God values me. God loves me.

He tells me to not be afraid. He has redeemed me. He has called me by my name. I am His.
If the God of the Universe tells me that, what more do I need to know my incredible value and worth?

It’s starting to sink in. I am slow. But it is starting to really sink in and take root in the fabric of my life. It’s been a long journey. A long time. But He is patient. He is walking at the pace I am able to maintain. He is with me every step of the way… even when it is painful… and always when it is joyful!


At the end of my counseling today, Tricia gave me a big hug and then pressed something into my hand. I looked down and it was the crumpled, torn dollar bill.

She said, “I’d like you to take this. Keep it. Keep it in your wallet as a reminder.”

If you come up to me, any time, and ask,
I will show it to you.
I will always keep it.
I will always treasure it.

That one little piece of paper is priceless to me;
That one little piece of paper reminds me;
I am priceless to Him.

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