"I've anchored my life in the belief that God can do anything, but somehow feel presumptuous believing He will for me. That's doubt masquerading as false humility. And that, my friends, saddens God and limits His work in my life." Glynnis Whitwer in her devotional at Encouragement for Today.
How much of the time do I pray, even now, feeling presumptuous because I know God can do anything, but will He? Will he for me?
I fear praying bold prayers, giving voice to the silent dreams inside, afraid they are not what God wants for me. That allows fear and doubt to rule me, to dominate my life, to dictate what I am going to do and say. Instead, in faith, I need to step out and believe. Pray, daring to believe that God will answer my prayers. If they aren't in line with His will, He will make them line up. He will say no. He will redirect me.
I don't want my prayer life to take a back seat to "life" as I live it. The "life" I live as I run from one thing to another, exhausted. Not taking care of myself by getting enough sleep, or eating correctly, gets me tired and crabby, which then overflows into how I care for the kids and interact with my husband.
Is that really Life? No, not the way God intends us to live it, and not the way Christ modeled it.
Jesus made prayer His priority. When He was tired of the crowd and needed refreshing, He went to be with His Father, He rested, He ate. I need to do all those same things.
I need to start my day at nightfall, getting good rest and continue my day, following that rest by time with Jesus. Time in prayer. Time in His word, refreshing my spirit the way my body was refreshed by sleep. Then the rest of my day should continue in productivity with whatever God has laid out before me.
I need to restructure my days and nights so that I get into a different rhythm. I need it. My spirit needs it. I spent the weekend without any one on one time with God, and I could feel it yesterday. Thursday, I spent some good time with Him in the morning, but Friday, Saturday, Sunday and even mostly yesterday, I didn't concentrate on time with Him.
I now am running on an empty fuel tank... on fumes. My new day, starting with my nightfall will be spent at work, in a meeting and locking up after another meeting is done. I won't get to really rest till well after nightfall tonight (or should I say tomorrow? See, my brain can't wrap itself around this one!)
I long to be closer to Jesus. I want to pray in His will. Yes, I am still afraid to pray the wrong things. The only way I will know how to pray His will is to take care of myself, as God's temple, and to restructure my busy schedule so that I can have the room to take time out and away to spend time with Him.
Yes, God can do what He says He can do. And He is willing to do it in my life, and in yours. It isn't presumptuous, its called stepping out in faith without trusting in my own strength to do something "just in case" God doesn't come through the way I think He should.
I never knew it would be such a struggle to really believe God. It sounds so easy, but it is a daily decision, a moment by moment decision sometimes. Prayer, effective and powerful prayer is found in someone who really truly believes God, has faith and is willing to step out over the edge of a cliff without seeing anything that will keep them from falling.
That unwavering faith is what fuels someone to ask the seeming impossible, because with God all things are possible.... for those who believe in Him.