Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Nothing special...

Today was "nothing special" look at it from the front side... looking at it from my point of view as I got up this morning.

Today was one of those days.

You know the ones I am talking about.

I woke up late, with a horrible headache, and my stomach off kilter.

I got to work and sat looking at my desk and list of things to be done and realized that most of what I needed was still at home.

I just was "off" and didn't know how to fix it.

I felt like I was just a body warming a chair at work today. What was the point in me being there when I couldn't get done all I wanted to?

Then this afternoon happened.

First my best friend, Gwen, was online and showed up in my chat status. So, I dropped her a line in the chat, to see if she was really there and had time. She did. Though it was a short conversation, I knew God had authored it, because she shared some things that needed prayer, and it was good for us both, I hope!

Then right at the end of our conversations, my home group leader, Pete came by the office. I was very happy to see him, but I assumed he was there to talk with Pastor Kim. So I just indicated that he was free, if Pete wanted to go in.

Instead, Pete came into my office first. I thought he was just going to stand and chat a moment about our small group and what we were going to be doing, and the menu for Thursday.

When he sat down in my extra chair, I realized that he really wanted to talk. With me. I felt surprised, then this peace and joy flowed through me that he was taking the time to stop. Pete was taking a pause in his day for me.

We talked about a wide range of things, some important stuff, a few light things. I was able to share prayer requests. He asked how I was doing with my job at the church, as well as just personally. He took time and listened, and shared some of his heart too. We talked about things concerning our small group, concerning him and his wife, Donna.

Some of the things gave me something to chew over and ponder for a while now.

When our conversation reached a natural conclusion, Pete suggested that we pray together. He prayed first, then I did - and my heart came pouring out, in prayer for him and Donna, for our small group... and other more personal things. Unexpected but good.

What struck me as we talked and prayed, and made even more of an impression afterward, was that Pete asked for my opinion and insight into some things.

That may seem average and ordinary to some.

To me, it was huge. To be thought of as whole and healthy enough to be able to give an opinion or advice was so impacting to me today, especially coming from someone I love and respect so much.

There have been times where I have sensed something, and never said anything to anyone about it, or done anything about it, and the moment has passed. I haven't trusted myself enough to feel like I had the right to say something, because well, what if I was totally wrong?

Slowly in the last year or so, I have opened up to one person, my friend Cindy, a couple of times when I felt that God was prompting me to - because she was safe.

However in the past month or so, I have dared to open up to a few more people about an insight I had, or about something I sensed, that ended up being right on. A couple of them were pretty noticeable to me. I also know that it was only God who could have shown me these things.

There were two things that I felt I noticed. One, I spoke about it to the person involved. The other I didn't because I was unsure how to communicate it, verbally or written. The spoken one, I don't know what kind of affect on the person it had, or if healing will take place because of it. The unspoken, I am concerned now, knowing other things, that my not speaking (or writing) when prompted allowed a situation to continue, and possibly worsen, due to lack of knowledge.

In the conversation with Pete though, I felt that God was touching my heart in a much needed way. I didn't know I needed it until it happened. It was a tangible way God showed me that I am on the right path.

On the right path.
Tentative steps.
Trembling lips.
Full heart.

On the right path, with a heart bursting with the desire to do and say the right thing, and to not overstep what God wants me to do, or to get ahead of Him.

Scared to death sometimes to say what needs to be said.

But I am willing.

Oh, to see the road He has taken me on, and now to see that He has had this road in mind all along! Because only through the pain I have been in, am I able to recognize it in others. Only through the experiences I have been through am I able to see the traps and recognize similar circumstances unfolding in other lives around me.

Only through prayer and seeking God's wisdom and discernment have I had the opportunity at times (and the permission) to speak into someone's life.

Truly, I have been, and still am, on the road, walking with Jesus.

Today, God knew what I needed though I couldn't put it into words.

When Pete took the time to come into my office and sit down, God used it to touch a place deep inside of me. Pete invested in me today, and I hope I was able to give back some. The affirmation, encouragement and prayers I got today, from someone I love and respect, means more to me than I can put into words.

It was the love, acceptance, and encouragement of a father to a daughter that I don't get very often, at least in spoken words.

It was the unspoken but implied acknowledgment of growing up and being peers, a change in relationship, and almost a rite of passage for me.

God used a simple conversation to show me I am growing up, to show me that He loves me and has worked in me, even when I didn't feel like He was.

He used it to build and expand my capacity for joy, and to help me through the transition to the next level of maturity.

Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness to me! Thank you for using the people in my life to touch me and work in me in the very ways I need. Oh, may I be such an instrument in the lives of those around me!

No, today was "nothing special." It was just a day that God met me, matured me, impacted my life, and gave me a deep joy, in the ways only He can.


Tina said...

what a wonderful testimony. You have been through a lot, and God has been with you every step of the way. Today I accidentally read May 31st instead of March 31st in My Utmost for His Highest (lol I was trying not to disturb the cat in my lap so I had to hold the book at a distance) anyway your post really made me think that it is a point God wants to make with me too. He is so good, all of the time, always working in our lives.

One of the scripture references was Luke 24:49 ... tarry ... until you are endued with the power from on high. I underlined this "The purpose of our christian training is to get us into the right relationship to the "needs" of God and His will. Once God's "needs" in us have been met, He will open the way for us to accomplish His will, meeting His "needs" elsewhere.

the last few years of my life have been so difficult but more and more I am beginning to see how necessary the trials have been, I don't think I would have drawn so close to Him without them. It is my prayer that He will be able to use me in some way to reach others for His glory. He has used you in my life Heather and I am sure you are right where you need to be as He continues to use you to His glory!

In Him,

Cindy said...

Wow...another dancing in the street moment! Lest we forget God, even in the waiting, training times of our lives, sends us reminders that He is always at work! I am thankful He has allowed us to walk together through so much of what He is doing in each others lives. We have seen the lows and we have see the highs together...and through it all we have seen Jesus!
Love you sweet sister,

Unknown said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. Always keep in mind all of those you have been influenced by and remember it is not bad when you get cut to bleed those who have been so significant in your life. It is your heritage from God and He has placed each precious brother or sister there for your benefit or mine. Truly, we can humble our hearts and lives before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords when we realize He is always , always with us and we are his delight. The very apple of His eye.

The biggest growth I have seen in you Heather is found at the end of the great command. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul. Love your neighbor as yourself. I don't find many wounded Christians who love themselves. This loving yourself is not a selfish love. It's saying about yourself what God has commanded you to do. It is a maturity and growth issue. It is also one of the most liberating things we can experience in Christ. It is the journey from victim to victor. It is the coming of age secure with the little lost one inside each of us who now looks out on the field of battle that is life and is more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus.

So what can we say if Christ is for us who can be against us. I love our odds. Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow. He is worthy of all our praise, all our trust, and all our love. Isn't Jesus good?

Love ya,