Tuesday, March 2, 2010


"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul. and forget not all His benefits." Psalm 103:1-2

I needed this reminder this morning.

I need this reminder every morning.

I have found myself dealing with a lot of disconnect.

This past week it has felt like I have disconnected from friends. I haven't called people as much, I haven't done much emailing. I haven't done any writing. I didn't even get in contact with my best friend.

I had one of my other best friends come to my house for an overnight. It's the first time we have seen each other in.... well, way too long, if I can't remember when!

But just before she came, I got a terrific (horrific) head cold. I was so out of it this weekend. I felt terrible, not just because of my cold, but because it was so hard for me to concentrate on my friend.

It was wonderful to see her. It was so good to talk and be able to share what has been going on in our lives. Things have changed so much with us since we were roommates in college. But God has still kept us close.

I just feel like the whole weekend was foggy. I even skipped out on church on Sunday, because I was feeling so bad. I never do that. I usually push myself through - but I decided that when I got up, showered and dressed and was ready to go back to bed, that I had better call it quits - especially since I still had my son to get ready too.

Peter was off of school all last week, cause he was sick. Marina was sick too (still is) and now Dave and I are as well. I feel like I was running in a million directions last week, and had no time to connect with God either.

I feel disconnected.

I feel like I have pulled the plug and done an automatic disconnect on my own.

I know part of that is feelings. I know that part of that is just the everyday stress of sick kids, being sick myself, and a ton going on right now.

But I really dislike that. I don't like the feeling of just "floating" around disconnected from people, and from God, and feeling ungrounded.

Thus the scripture verses above. They are going to by my scripture memory verses for the next 2 weeks.

They are David's words. They seem to be an intentional reminder to his (and my) inmost being to praise the Lord, to remember Him, to remember all He has done for him (and me).

I need to intentionally remember what God has done. His benefits, His blessings, His healing, His love.

I am so thankful that no matter what I do or what I don't do, God's love for me never, ever fails.

Last night, as I was sitting on the couch, snuggling with the kids, I kept asking my daughter questions, or asking her to do something (like stop kicking me continuously under the blanket) and she refused to talk to me. I asked her something and she purposely ignored me. I got so frustrated with her. She was still doing it even as I was tucking her into bed.

I wonder how many times God is hurt and disappointed that I don't respond to Him when He talks to me. I am so thankful that he doesn't react to me the way I did with Marina. I am so thankful that He still loves me and that it never wavers.

I still love Marina, but I wonder if she realizes that? You know what I mean? I wasn't intentionally unkind to her, but had to discipline her for not listening.

I know how I perceive that from God (and from others, at times). Those times of discipline or pruning when I feel unloved. I know it is for my own good, and for His glory.

Right now, the things that I struggle with - the things that are day to day struggles, or pop up once a week or so, those are the things that are really pulling me down.

Those habitual sins, habitual lies, habitual coping mechanisms.

Those are what I find myself obsessing over. I mean, I am over analyzing them. Why am I doing this? Where is it coming from? What is the source?

What I really need to do is not worry quite so much about those questions but deal with the actual issues and emotions, and find my "go to" scriptures, my "stop me in my tracks" scripts that I can replace the lies, etc with. I need to be able to put into place in my mind, something besides my own will, which is weak, that will cause me to stop and realize what I am doing or where my thoughts are going.

Do you have "go to" scriptures, or as my friend says, a "stop, drop and roll" something that triggers you to meditate on the truth, no matter what your feelings are doing?

Would you share them with me? I would be so grateful for anything you are willing to share.

I need the connections with others, and I need the connection I have with God to be built up and strengthened, so that even in the crazy days, I will find myself leaning on Him, not doing an emotional disconnect from Him and everyone.


Tina said...

"disconnect" ahh this has been my theme song. I spent much of last year in a general air of disconnect. Early on after Brett's arrest God brought to mind this scripture

2 Corinthians 10:5
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

I wrote it on an index card and taped it to my computer desk. I have 27 such cards, all with scriptures that God gave me during that time. For me part of the disconnect was good as I really needed to just be with my Heavenly Father but now it's time to reconnect with the world ... i still find it difficult at times. I think because the enemy lurks about whispering at me. This scripture always stops him cold.

Rejoice for He is Risen!

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

It's good to sometimes disconnect from the craziness of the computer and simply sit with our lives in quiet. That being said, you should never forsake being around people face-to-face. Even when you body cries out for solitude, make yourself be in the world, even if only a little bit everyday. And take a good walk; exercise always helps me.

You must crawl out of your world and be with someone else... do something for someone else. It will help. I promise.


Jen said...

Hey Heather - I just read your comment on the LPM blog and was so able to connect and empathize with you ... I feel like reading SLI is SUPER GOOD but at the same time like cutting open or peeling an onion and it's stinging and making me cry so hard. There's so many complex layers - I am sick of how my insecurity effects my marriage and I know that as my 3 year old and 2 year old are now more aware of what's going on it will begin to effect them as well. I am sick of sitting in the wrong bleachers - the enemy has done so much damage and I am just sitting back and letting it happen. Praying that you and I both can walk in the power of the Holy Sprit on this journey to reclaim the ground that is already ours --- freedom in Christ!