Friday, March 18, 2011

One season ending, a New One starting

So last week was a faith-step for me, when I told Tricia that was my last appointment with her.

Tuesday, was another one for me.

I was able to tell my psychiatrist that I was done counseling, and that I had been skipping meds, but now was stable on them again.  I also told him that I really was doing better.   And I was telling the truth!  After some discussion, we were able to definitely agree that we aren’t going to change any medications right now, and not rock the boat and see how things go.

I told him one of the things I was looking forward to was a summer with my family.

The last few summers have been shadowed by other things.  Pain and heartache, and difficult things that took my mind and focus off my family.

I will still be balancing work and family this summer.  I will still be dealing with “things,” because we always have “things” and stuff that we have to deal with from time to time.

But I want a really great summer with my kids, where we can have fun and play and spontaneously run to visit grandparents, or friends, or go to a beach – in another state if we want.  Just get away as much as we can and have fun.

God has stuff in store for me.  I don’t know what it is, but I know it is good.  He has a new country for me, my promised land.  All I have to do is finish crossing the Jordan River and get my feet on the shore.  He will always be with me and walk with me.  I just need to follow Him.

I have such a sense of a season ending.  A new one is starting.  I haven’t felt something like this before.  Not like this, with such hope involved in it. 

When I look back at the posts here on this blog, and see all the ways that God has helped me, been with me and saved me, over and over…. I have realized something.

Beth Moore was talking about standing stones in the “Believing God” bible study.  How God told the Israelites to take 12 stones from the middle of the Jordan River and stand them up.  Then their children would ask, “What do these stones mean?”  Then they could tell of how faithful God was in saving them out of Egypt.  He parted the Red Sea, and stayed with them through the desert.  He gave them the commandments to live by, the laws and rules that would set them apart.  He gave them food and water, just enough, just when they needed it.  Their clothes and shoes never wore out.  And after 40 years of wandering, He brought them back to the Jordan River, across on dry ground into their promised land.

This blog is full of standing stones.

I can see where He has taken me out of the slavery of my “Egypt” and walked me through a parted Red Sea.  But I had to wander for “forty years” in the “desert” of depression, painful memories, and a darkness of my thoughts that terrified me.

Yet God never let me completely wear out.  He never let me down.  He always provided what I needed, exactly when I needed it.  He proved Himself over and over. 

He has taught me how to live, given me boundaries that fall in pleasant places.  I have learned from Jesus what it is to rely on Him and His Father, my Father.  He has set me apart to serve Him, to stand out from the culture, not by what I say, or even do, but by how I live.  How I live, really live, alive and full of joy is what sets me apart, and draws others to me, to Him.

After all my wandering He has brought me to the Jordan River and asked me again if I am ready to cross it.  I think I have been here before, at least seen it in passing, but now I am ready to cross.  It took a while for me to be ready, and even now I am not ready.  But I have surrendered everything to Him.

What else can I do but follow.  For I know that is the best.

So, now I have crossed my Jordan River, and I have set my feet for the first time in my Promised Land.  I don’t know all the length and breadth of it.  I don’t know everything it contains.  I don’t know what my “Jericho” will be, or what God will have me do, while He knocks those walls down.  

But I have faith in my God.  I know that He will do it. 

I believe Him.  Because I know Him. Because He has made Himself known to me.

He has shown me Himself, His glory, and called me His own.  I am His treasured possession, His beloved daughter.  A princess of the King of Glory.  I get to call Him my Daddy.

I am loved by Him.

And OH!  How I love Him.

“LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;
   you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
   surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
   even at night my heart instructs me.”

Psalm 16:5-7


elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Stones of remembrance... so very important for us in our walk of faith. I, too, count my blog posts as some of them. When I sometimes look back at some of them, I think "Did I really write that?" "Was that me?"

It's good to "carry" our stones; even better when we can lay them down as remembrance and not carry them as burdens.

I sense bright hope in your heart, Heather. It makes my heart brighter as well.


Sue said...

Way to go sweet girl!! One step at a time and NO muddy feet.

Jill Beran said...

Great words!! Love this, "God never let me completely wear out. He never let me down. He always provided what I needed, exactly when I needed it. He proved Himself over and over." And the bit about what else can I do but follow, so, so true!! Sweet to read all that God is doing, keep hanging on and pressing on my friend. Praying for you, Jill